Rocks and Hard Places

I've tried very hard over the last several months to learn positive, meaningful valuable lessons about everything I've gone through.  I've tried very hard to see what positive things could come of my circumstances.  I've tried very hard to use this time of recovery to strengthen and reinforce my relationship with God and become a better person for it.

But I'm not gonna lie....  sometimes life is just crap.

Sometimes we find ourselves right smack dab between a rock and hard place and there is just no reasonable way out of it.

Sometimes there is just no workable solution to our problem.

Sure - I can go to scripture and read some words of wisdom from Proverbs or find some comfort in a Psalm or two....  But yet when I try to apply them to life somehow it just doesn't seem to work.  Why?  Well because my idea of an answer just doesn't jive with someone else's idea of the answer.  When I think that I have reached a new level of understanding, likely the person I have to deal with has come to think of the solution a completely different and incompatible way.

That's the beauty of free will my friends!  I have to say I really question God on this ingenious gift He's given us.  Oh - I get it....  He wants us to love Him because we choose to love Him not because He programmed that desire within us.  But gosh darn it!  It makes our whole existence full of utter turmoil....

I know this is not my normal kind of post but sometimes I just have to be real.  I've hit a spot in my journey that I'm resisting for some reason.  And maybe I'm mad because I chose to take a scenic route not realizing what a treacherous path it would be.  I've got rocks, no- boulders in every direction and I'm having to do a lot of exhausting climbing and maneuvering in order to stay on track.  And quite honestly, I'm tired and just really ready to give up.  I don't even want to look at the map anymore.....

And I'm alone.  This isn't a road that anyone can take with me.  I have to do it myself.  I can't even take along a navigator.  It's just me and my compass and I'm not liking where the compass is leading right now.

So I guess I do what any girl alone in the forest would do.....  cry? pray?  scream?  Actually none of those are working for me either.   I think I'm gonna just rest awhile - find something to nourish my soul and remember that even though there are easier paths, they don't always lead to glorious places.  And what I seek now is something beyond beautiful....  something inspiring, something fulfilling and something that will stay with me forever.

The unanswered question is.....  is it worth it?  Is it worth it knowing I may never get there and actually may die trying?  I think so.  I think so because this is what living is. If you haven't experienced trials and come out victorious then you haven't really lived.  The destination is important but it's how you get there that matters and if you always take the easy road, you miss many beautiful experiences along the way.

And now, maybe, those rocks and hard places are not so bad after all.....