I haven't written in awhile - not for lack of things to say but more because I have so many things running through my mind that I am having trouble categorizing my thoughts. Emotions are once again at high alert.
I think its no coincidence that the storms brewing on the east coast coincide with the clouds hovering over my thoughts.
Two job interviews and other 'possibilities' will raise hopes a bit - but when one opportunity is shattered and the other is looking ominous, the doubts begin to creep in.
Thing is, the old me would have just let the emotion rise and let common sense fly out the window. The old me would have let the fleshy side of me take over and handle it all. by. myself. That girl had to have control. That girl didn't know that dependence is a very good thing.
This girl -( though admittedly tried initially to revert back to old patterns )- has learned that hope should not be in earthly possibilites or people. When things are up in the air, my hope is also "up in the air" but not in the way that sounds. It has nothing to do with uncertainty but everything to do with trust. Life is not for me to handle on my own but for me to give to God and trust that He will take care of me and my future. This time around, when disappointment struck, I went to Him and gave control back. He knows my anxiety but He also knows my long term needs and desires. This time, instead of acting - I am letting Him do it.
Does it mean that the disappointment doesn't still sting? Not at all. I'm also feeling very defeated. But just as a storm eventually subsides, so will the pain of rejection. It's just my time to weather the storm and be ready to repair the damage it leaves behind.
And thankfully - the sun eventually comes out after a storm. Max Lucado (wow, he's good) said it well - "Christ lived the life we could not live and took the punishment we could not take to offer the hope we cannot resist." My hope is up in the air and that is where I will strive to keep it.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ----Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
"THAT" Guy
I am often disppointed in people. One of my biggest flaws is my tendency to project how I would handle a situation onto someone else.... It is my "golden rule" ethic that is a good thing for me but not so good when I expect others to think and feel like I do. I often have to step back and reprimand myself for unrealistic expectations. There is always more than one acceptable way to do something or interact with others. The problem here is that I am relying on people to meet my needs when in actuality it is just not their job.
So I was gently reminded this week of a promise:
and my God shall supply all your need, according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus; Phil 4:19
ALL my needs? If that is true, God is my ONLY need. He is THAT guy.... He is the one that never disappoints, always loves, literally moves Heaven and Earth - just. for. me.
So when I stop and consider all that life may throw at me, is God enough? That is really the only question I have when a tough sitution arises....
When my job is uncertain - Is God Enough?
When I have a falling out with a friend - Is God Enough?
When my child is sick and hurting - Is God Enough?
When my marriage fails - Is God Enough?
When someone dear to me experiences tragedy - Is God Enough?
When there are more bills than my bank balance - Is God Enough?
When my child hates me - Is God Enough?
When I battle my autoimmune disease -Is God Enough?
When I can't please my clients - Is God Enough?
When others don't recognize my value - Is God Enough?
When I feel completely alone - Is God Enough?
The answer is always a good solid - yes. Any worldly alternative is fleeting. There are no guarantees in this world but God is forever infinite and almighty. He has ALWAYS supplied my needs - most often without me asking and He is always there, even without me seeking.
Matthew 6:28-30
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?
He is THAT guy and yes, He IS enough!
So I was gently reminded this week of a promise:
and my God shall supply all your need, according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus; Phil 4:19
ALL my needs? If that is true, God is my ONLY need. He is THAT guy.... He is the one that never disappoints, always loves, literally moves Heaven and Earth - just. for. me.
So when I stop and consider all that life may throw at me, is God enough? That is really the only question I have when a tough sitution arises....
When my job is uncertain - Is God Enough?
When I have a falling out with a friend - Is God Enough?
When my child is sick and hurting - Is God Enough?
When my marriage fails - Is God Enough?
When someone dear to me experiences tragedy - Is God Enough?
When there are more bills than my bank balance - Is God Enough?
When my child hates me - Is God Enough?
When I battle my autoimmune disease -Is God Enough?
When I can't please my clients - Is God Enough?
When others don't recognize my value - Is God Enough?
When I feel completely alone - Is God Enough?
The answer is always a good solid - yes. Any worldly alternative is fleeting. There are no guarantees in this world but God is forever infinite and almighty. He has ALWAYS supplied my needs - most often without me asking and He is always there, even without me seeking.
Matthew 6:28-30
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?
He is THAT guy and yes, He IS enough!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Rivers in the badlands
I am trying very hard to take in the scenery of this life journey I'm on and for the most part, I think that I have enjoyed each phase of my life. But I have to say the road I've traveled over the last year has been one of the most treacherous I've come across. I have been in what some refer to as the badlands or desert which is somewhat fitting considering a milestone birthday is fast approaching.
While sitting in the doctor's office, I overheard a 14 year old girl tell her 5 year old brother - "Don't ever grow up, stay a kid forever. The older you get, the harder life is." It took every bit of restraint that I had not to tell her how she had NO idea.... But obviously she gets it. Good for her! Maybe that awareness will help her prepare for the battles that lie ahead in her future. I almost wish I had adopted that attitude in my youth. But then, probably nothing could have prepared me for the direction my life has taken. Rose colored glasses are nice, but when reality slaps you in the face, you find those rose colored glasses did nothing but skew the vision.
However, God uses our attitudes to His advantage no matter what the situation. My rose colored glasses were shattered long ago and would have been no good in the desert. My soul is now parched and I long for living water. How tempting it is to try to turn around and go back - but I'm afraid that is just not possible. The verses I'm finding around every corner in my search for water tell me not to look back but to keep going forward. The water is starting to trickle in... My tears have become the aquifer for my river in the badlands. And through those tears I'm beginning to see that it is precisely that river forming that will lead me out of the desert and to something brand new.
Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands. Isaiah 43.18-19
When we find ourselves in the desert, we are often there alone - or so it feels. That is the time that its easiest to reach out to God. He wants that from us, craves that from us. Those are the times we see just one set of footprints in the sand because He carries us through. He carries us till He makes that road or creates that river to help us find our own way out. Max Lucado said it best in Facing Your Giants - You'll never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.. Its hard to understand why it takes a tragedy to bring us to Him, but sometimes that is the only way He gets our attention. These times of trial are a blessing waiting to happen. Which always brings me back to Isaiah 55:8 - For My Thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways declares the Lord. I for one am grateful for that because my ways tend to lead me back to the desert and I don't think I really want to visit the badlands EVER again.
While sitting in the doctor's office, I overheard a 14 year old girl tell her 5 year old brother - "Don't ever grow up, stay a kid forever. The older you get, the harder life is." It took every bit of restraint that I had not to tell her how she had NO idea.... But obviously she gets it. Good for her! Maybe that awareness will help her prepare for the battles that lie ahead in her future. I almost wish I had adopted that attitude in my youth. But then, probably nothing could have prepared me for the direction my life has taken. Rose colored glasses are nice, but when reality slaps you in the face, you find those rose colored glasses did nothing but skew the vision.
However, God uses our attitudes to His advantage no matter what the situation. My rose colored glasses were shattered long ago and would have been no good in the desert. My soul is now parched and I long for living water. How tempting it is to try to turn around and go back - but I'm afraid that is just not possible. The verses I'm finding around every corner in my search for water tell me not to look back but to keep going forward. The water is starting to trickle in... My tears have become the aquifer for my river in the badlands. And through those tears I'm beginning to see that it is precisely that river forming that will lead me out of the desert and to something brand new.
Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands. Isaiah 43.18-19
When we find ourselves in the desert, we are often there alone - or so it feels. That is the time that its easiest to reach out to God. He wants that from us, craves that from us. Those are the times we see just one set of footprints in the sand because He carries us through. He carries us till He makes that road or creates that river to help us find our own way out. Max Lucado said it best in Facing Your Giants - You'll never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.. Its hard to understand why it takes a tragedy to bring us to Him, but sometimes that is the only way He gets our attention. These times of trial are a blessing waiting to happen. Which always brings me back to Isaiah 55:8 - For My Thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways declares the Lord. I for one am grateful for that because my ways tend to lead me back to the desert and I don't think I really want to visit the badlands EVER again.
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