Moods and Masterpieces

Dare I post a scathing blog about the the things that set me off today? I think perhaps I'll protect the innocent - well ok - not so innocent but still undeserving causes of my ire. Besides, there's more than one cause of irritation and to describe specifically the way things went down would be pointless. Let's just suffice it to say that I continue to be disappointed when I don't get what I give....

Maybe I'm kidding myself. I feel like a reasonable person that tries my very best to treat people the way I would like to be treated but perhaps my expection that others do the same of unreasonable. One of these days, surely, I will quit having faith in humankind and become a quirky, bitter old woman set in her ways..... OH LORD - I hope not!

We all make mistakes and that's just a fact of life. The goal is to learn from them and believe me, with each one I learn something; some lessons big and painful - others but a fleeting thought. The aim is to just not go there again. Do not make the same mistake. However, how can you be sure? Isn't there always a chance the lesson didn't penetrate deep enough? Isn't there a chance we get distracted and forget what happened before? Well in my case - that's more than true. I'm no machine. I may go there again. I can't promise it will never happen again. I can try, but I'm flawed. Some lessons are way more effective the 2nd time around.....

And how about the big picture? Get up close to a painting and you might find all kinds of blips and smudges that weren't intended. Step back a few paces and there's a masterpiece before you. And sometimes - it's the flaws that make the art piece unique and therefore priceless. I can honestly say I have enough unique flaws, that when looked at in the right light, I might just be rated a masterpiece. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know at least one beholder who happens to see me in just the right light. And oh - how thankful I am for his loving critique.

Women's Intuition

I have always been in touch with my intuitive notions and rarely ignore them but many times I simply shrug them off with a wait and see attitude. I rarely 'go with my gut' because I tend to doubt that these feelings are valid. And often - when I do 'go with my gut', I doubt the action I've taken, 2nd guess myself and otherwise put myself through misery.

However, sometimes my intuitions are validated. More often than not, I'm dead on accurate. Of course, I'm no prophet but alot of the time my feelings are more than just feelings.... Thing is, I never know whether it's just a feeling or something more. It really gets complicated when my desires conflict. Sometimes it's more hope than true revelation. Sometimes the revelation also turns into desire. It's just something really difficult to trust.

So I'm frustrated right now because I feel like God is trying to tell me something and I'm not getting it. Maybe because I'm confusing hope with reality, maybe because life is too complicated right now, or maybe just because I don't want to listen. Interestingly enough, He has confirmed a few of my suppositions lately so I know I just need to have faith that He will work it all out in His timing - just like He always does. He knows what's best for me and for all of us. For once, perhaps I should sit back and not try to manipulate my life? His will happens whether I like it or not, whether I sense it or not. Too often I just want to skip to the end of the chapter and not experience the details.....

Do you ever sit back and wonder why things happen the way they do? Why certain people come into your life. Why you end up involved in this situation or another. Are those wasteful thoughts? Because - it really doesn't matter, does it? Our lives are the way they are. Maybe there is a reason and maybe not. Thing is, I can't get past the feeling that there is a reason for everything (and that's my gut talking). The confusion lies in whether I should try to figure out the reason or just let myself happen upon it.

(From Myspace blog 1/27/2008)

Melodious lines bring forth exuberant sound
The combinations of rhythm amaze me
Endless are the possibilities for your compositions

Composer of beautiful music, create harmonious sound within me.
Build chords of inspiration to initiate growth in my spirit
And eliminate the disharmony within my soul.

I want to be as a magnificent orchestration, a jubilant aria or peaceful ballad.
As you are my songsmith, my life is your music.
Write your anthem on my heart and sing your melody within my soul.

(From Myspace blog 3/28/2008)

Anxiety envelops my mind
As I begin an era of uncertainty
As I embark on a journey filled with new tasks and different obstacles
Than what I faced before.

My desire to succeed trumps my fear of failure
Yet uncertainty causes doubt within my soul.
This period of trial should strengthen my ability to prevail
And increase my chance of success.

Perseverance is key
and will lead to strength and meaning
Be it in my livelihood or within my personal life
The Creator is my guide and His will is mine.

I shall set aside negativity and self doubt
And know the plans He has for me
Are according to His will and timing
And rejoice that I am His.

Dying

Tis the season for dying.... No, not dyeing - as in eggs - but dying as in Christ. Dying as in death to self. I know, I know - it's spring; Spring means new life but in order to have new life something must die. Unfortunately as I sat in our community Maundy Thursday service tonight, I was saddened by the fact that too many good things are dying. Many of the very rituals our Christian faith was founded on are no longer known. The average age of church attendees is rapidly increasing and number of children who know the books of the Bible is greatly decreasing. Rare is it find an actual hymnal in the pews and even if they are there, seldom are they used. Now - I don't want to step on toes here; Choruses and Praise music are great - that's not my point. The point is, when bringing in the new, let's just be careful what we let die.

Yes our society is changing. Yes we have to adapt and learn to communicate with our world in a way they understand. But don't we also have an obligation to foster an appreciation for what brought us where we are today? Maybe we are losing the younger population because they are bored with the traditional ways of worship but perhaps there is a way to incorporate tradition with new.

Am I completely out of touch? Do we not still teach our children the fundamentals of art appreciation using classic artists as examples? Do our children not still read classic literature in school? History is a mandatory subject which incorporates not only what ideas for which our forefathers fought, but also encourages us to bring some of those ideas into our future. We don't let our children forget the past when it relates to the secular..... why is the past getting buried in our churches?

Ashamedly I admit that I don't know much about our religious history and that's something I intend to change. Apparently the apathy toward religion began about the time I was born, because it seems to be more prevalent with my generation and below. There seems to be many more adults of my parents' age and older that are still quite devout and value church and religion much more than my age bracket. What happened that changed this? Why are we losing our youth and why is it that liturgical observances have gone by the wayside? How can we possibly combine our rich religious heritage with the new contemporary ways of worship so that the generations can come together with common understanding and a willingness to learn from each other? Perhaps, I'm idealistic in this thought but I believe if we would all just keep an open mind, we could find a happy medium and common ground for us to worship as one.

Bummer

Today was a total Monday. Apparently in my work, leaving early on a Friday only means you get hit twice as hard on Monday morning. The weekend was amazing but what good is that when you just have to work doubly hard for having too much fun? So how does a former food-a-holic cope with stress? Yep - that's a no brainer. Ok so at least I try to munch on healthy stuff but even healthy stuff has calories and ashamedly the stuff I munched on was a little carb-a-licious as well. That's ok - I rationalize... I have step class tonight! I'll burn it off. Nice thought anyway - I muttered to myself as I entered the gym "Just kidding!" Apparently as I was the only one who showed up for class tonight, the teacher didn't feel it worth the effort and called it off. Being that nothing has really gone my way today (except for the tasty chicken enchiladas I made for dinner) I decided this was just another thing that would NOT cause my mood to sour. So determined little booger that I am, I decided walking could be a good thing. Never mind the wind - I'll layer up and be just fine.

And I was in spite of the hot/cold phenomena of layering and then unlayering, walking fast - fake jogging - slowing down; up hill/down hill - kicking dogs off my heels and losing all track of time. I'm really not a fan. Walking is boring; Jogging is not for me. Dealing with weather is unpredictable and dang it, I just love my class. I think it's par for the course this time of year. Everyone gets busy and it becomes harder to be indoors for a class. But it sure would be nice if I could know ahead of time when they aren't going to have it. Then maybe (just maybe) I wouldn't eat a 2nd helping of chicken enchiladas at dinner..... *burp* ~excuse me!~

A Little of This and A Little of That

Welcome to my new blog! This is the new place where I expect to purge emotion, vent frustration and inform anyone who gives a yadda exactly how I feel about certain things life throws my way.

I've been blogging for more than two years on another social networking site, but as life is complicated enough as it is, I'm feeling the need to minimize the websites I check on a daily basis and I've found one site that pretty much covers it all for me. I can feed this blog through that site and pretty much catch everyone that way.

My first few posts will probably be recycled from my old blog. I had taken a little vacation from blogging for awhile, but I have recently discovered that blogging serves a very important function in my life. It is an emotional filter. It enables me to sort out my feelings so I can better understand them and then articulate them when I need to instead of just blurting out angry words or exploding in tears. My blog is for me but I don't mind sharing. I like to read about others and I think this is a great way to build relationships and get to know people. There is so much to say on a blog that you might not actually say in a conversation. It's a way to know someone on a deeper level.

So here goes.... I welcome questions, comments, opinions, feedback or just random thoughts that have nothing to do with my posts....