Sometimes you just have a bad day. Sometimes even though logic tells you that it will pass, it is still all consuming and it causes your otherwise positive outlook on life to veer to the negative. Even those things that were good yesterday begin to look a little, well..... blah.
Why is it that we have to have such highs and lows in life? Why does it have to be such a struggle to find every glass half full? Sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes no matter in what light you see that glass, it still looks more empty than full.
How much of these deep valley days are self inflicted? Do we really choose our attitudes or do they just happen upon us?
There's more than one way to slice an apple. Do we remember to slice it so we see the star or do we more often just cut it to the core as quickly as we can so as to gobble it up and satisfy our cravings?
I believe that today I forgot to look for the star. I was too consumed by work, relationships, life in general to take time to slice the apple artfully. Not that I won't have bad days when I remember the star..... I just think the impact will be lessened. Maybe?
And perhaps I'm grasping at straws. I can't be all Pollyanna Sunshine all the time. I can't fill this whole blog with hope! Who does that? While in my gut I know that this is a moment that will pass and likely tomorrow I will be all happy again, there are just times when Debbie Downer has to show herself. Wah, Wah.
These are the moments that either make or break a woman. I'm pretty sturdy so I guess that means there's a project in the works..... Can you guess what it is?
Operation Take One Down - from the song:
‘Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work on a smile and you go for a ride. ~Daniel Powter.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Not What I Ordered
Ever been to a restaurant and ordered food but got something entirely different than what you expected? Are you disappointed or ready to try something new? Some of my favorite foods have happened upon me this way. I think I want one thing and then am presented another - only to find out that this new thing is soooooo much better than what I thought I wanted originally.
I think often our prayers work out that way too. We think we know what we want and ask God accordingly. Sometimes we get exactly what we ask for and other times.....eh, not so much. The thing I'm learning about those not so much moments is that more often than not - there is something even better around the corner - something I don't know about or understand yet. I think sometimes He has to prepare my palate to be ready to taste this sweeter thing that's in store for me. Perhaps I even have to swallow a few bitter morsels before I can truly appreciate the gift that's waiting.
I think that's sort of what is happening with me now. I think I put in an order for what I thought I wanted.... something that perhaps I've tasted before and thought I liked. Or maybe I looked at that big sweet cupcake thinking I wanted it and didn't realize that prime rib was not only more delicious but also more sustaining. Maybe my little girl side is still wishing for that fairy tale not realizing what a delight that epic novel could be. Really now..... who wants a tootsie roll when you could have an amazing 5 course meal? Not only would that meal provide more variety for the palate but it would also nourish the body in so many more ways.
Before I can appreciate that 5 course meal, I've got to get through a few nights of Taco Bell I guess..... And that's quite alright. It's those fast food nights that give me time to prepare for the big meal, time to write the entries of my epic novel, time to develop the taste buds needed to savor every morsel of love that life promises to bring.
Every life event is a gift - even those that hurt, even those that make us angry, even those that don't make sense. It's those things that make up our story, shape our thinking, create our masterpieces! True art does not come without difficulty and the most beautiful sites on earth were created from adverse conditions. God is just subtle like that. He wants us to connect the dots and see His hand in things; wants us to search for Him. It's then that we see how He really is there.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are my ways your ways declares the Lord.
1 Corinthians 13:13 Trust steadily in God. Hope unswervingly. LOVE extravagantly!
I think often our prayers work out that way too. We think we know what we want and ask God accordingly. Sometimes we get exactly what we ask for and other times.....eh, not so much. The thing I'm learning about those not so much moments is that more often than not - there is something even better around the corner - something I don't know about or understand yet. I think sometimes He has to prepare my palate to be ready to taste this sweeter thing that's in store for me. Perhaps I even have to swallow a few bitter morsels before I can truly appreciate the gift that's waiting.
I think that's sort of what is happening with me now. I think I put in an order for what I thought I wanted.... something that perhaps I've tasted before and thought I liked. Or maybe I looked at that big sweet cupcake thinking I wanted it and didn't realize that prime rib was not only more delicious but also more sustaining. Maybe my little girl side is still wishing for that fairy tale not realizing what a delight that epic novel could be. Really now..... who wants a tootsie roll when you could have an amazing 5 course meal? Not only would that meal provide more variety for the palate but it would also nourish the body in so many more ways.
Before I can appreciate that 5 course meal, I've got to get through a few nights of Taco Bell I guess..... And that's quite alright. It's those fast food nights that give me time to prepare for the big meal, time to write the entries of my epic novel, time to develop the taste buds needed to savor every morsel of love that life promises to bring.
Every life event is a gift - even those that hurt, even those that make us angry, even those that don't make sense. It's those things that make up our story, shape our thinking, create our masterpieces! True art does not come without difficulty and the most beautiful sites on earth were created from adverse conditions. God is just subtle like that. He wants us to connect the dots and see His hand in things; wants us to search for Him. It's then that we see how He really is there.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are my ways your ways declares the Lord.
1 Corinthians 13:13 Trust steadily in God. Hope unswervingly. LOVE extravagantly!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
The Things We Can't Have..... at least for now.
So I haven't written in almost 2 months...... that may be a record! There are perks to being busy I guess. The mind gets torn so many different directions that it doesn't have time to over-analyze the mysteries of life. I've been accused of thinking TOO much in the past - perhaps I'm now in a place where that is no longer a problem. Not a problem for those who accused me of that anyway - kind of an issue with me. I actually like to think. I like to have long conversations with others who like to think. I like to pinpoint exactly what I believe and sometimes that takes awhile - I'm fickle and sometimes easily influenced.
So I'm back with the new thing that's bothering me lately..... as you know, I tend to write about the things I need to work out in my head. For some reason, I'm questioning life again. I went through a good solid year at least of just accepting it, feeling content and going with the flow. Perhaps that's easy when things are going the way you want. And what's weird about this now is that things HAVE gone and ARE going just the way I would want them to...... to a degree. There are a few very minor things that I could request from God (and that I do ask for quite often) but overall I'm really happy. The move went smoothly, I love my house, I love Norman, work is satisfactory (never great) and the kids seem really happy too.
But..... there are things I miss and things I long for that seem very out of reach. I'd be lying to say that it doesn't get me down sometimes. I'm not going to list those things I miss or desire simply because I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. I just want to know why.... What is it about human nature that makes us want the very thing we can't have OR want NOW what we know must take time. This whole instant gratification thing is frustrating me. I *know* that the most wonderful things in life are those that we have to wait for. Wait for it,,,,,waaaaaaaait for it! But instead of being a patient, mature adult - I am more like a 3 year old ready to throw a tantrum or that wants to ask why all the time? Why do I want it, Why can't I have it, or why can't I have it now?
And then my good old friend guilt enters the picture and throws daggers at me. How petty am I that I'm having a pity party over things I don't even need when there are so many who have lost everything in the recent tornadoes. They don't even have everything they NEED and here I am being selfish about a simple desire. What is wrong with me?
I guess I have become a little too self absorbed and I hate that! For instance, I realized today as I visited another church that I am approaching it the wrong way. I am looking for the church of the what-can-you-do-for-me instead of searching for a place where I can serve! I tend to look at all the activities these churches offer and gauge them by how interesting the activities appear. Instead, I need to look for the congregation I can see myself relating to, the place where I can plug in and actively participate - instead of being like a baby bird in a nest who looks at mama bird saying "feed me, feed me". When I left Elk, I felt like I was taking flight...... my baby bird days are history!
Similarly, I have regressed in my life. How has this happened? I have let life become about me and it's just not designed to be that way. I am not here on this earth to make my own life better - what's the point of that? I'm here to love, here to serve, here to care and here because Jesus no longer is. Of course, God is everywhere but we really can't sense Him or feel Him - well, most of us can't. The way we experience God is through people. People who know love the way God designed it, people who show love the way Jesus lived it, people who know how to love in action rather than get caught up in love the emotion.
So..... I need to get out of the box again. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be - fully, 100% confident in that. However, I'm missing some things and they are not things that are just going to come to me. I have to get out of my comfort zone and do a few things that I may not like initially. I simply can't go on this way - it's not healthy. I hesitate because life is already complicated so how in the world do I fit in more activity? I just do - because I need to - and the rest will work itself out. If I get outside myself for a bit, maybe just maybe, those things I long for and am waiting for will work themselves out even sooner than I think. As much as I want this life to be all about me, that's simply not where it's at, nor where it should be.
So I'm back with the new thing that's bothering me lately..... as you know, I tend to write about the things I need to work out in my head. For some reason, I'm questioning life again. I went through a good solid year at least of just accepting it, feeling content and going with the flow. Perhaps that's easy when things are going the way you want. And what's weird about this now is that things HAVE gone and ARE going just the way I would want them to...... to a degree. There are a few very minor things that I could request from God (and that I do ask for quite often) but overall I'm really happy. The move went smoothly, I love my house, I love Norman, work is satisfactory (never great) and the kids seem really happy too.
But..... there are things I miss and things I long for that seem very out of reach. I'd be lying to say that it doesn't get me down sometimes. I'm not going to list those things I miss or desire simply because I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. I just want to know why.... What is it about human nature that makes us want the very thing we can't have OR want NOW what we know must take time. This whole instant gratification thing is frustrating me. I *know* that the most wonderful things in life are those that we have to wait for. Wait for it,,,,,waaaaaaaait for it! But instead of being a patient, mature adult - I am more like a 3 year old ready to throw a tantrum or that wants to ask why all the time? Why do I want it, Why can't I have it, or why can't I have it now?
And then my good old friend guilt enters the picture and throws daggers at me. How petty am I that I'm having a pity party over things I don't even need when there are so many who have lost everything in the recent tornadoes. They don't even have everything they NEED and here I am being selfish about a simple desire. What is wrong with me?
I guess I have become a little too self absorbed and I hate that! For instance, I realized today as I visited another church that I am approaching it the wrong way. I am looking for the church of the what-can-you-do-for-me instead of searching for a place where I can serve! I tend to look at all the activities these churches offer and gauge them by how interesting the activities appear. Instead, I need to look for the congregation I can see myself relating to, the place where I can plug in and actively participate - instead of being like a baby bird in a nest who looks at mama bird saying "feed me, feed me". When I left Elk, I felt like I was taking flight...... my baby bird days are history!
Similarly, I have regressed in my life. How has this happened? I have let life become about me and it's just not designed to be that way. I am not here on this earth to make my own life better - what's the point of that? I'm here to love, here to serve, here to care and here because Jesus no longer is. Of course, God is everywhere but we really can't sense Him or feel Him - well, most of us can't. The way we experience God is through people. People who know love the way God designed it, people who show love the way Jesus lived it, people who know how to love in action rather than get caught up in love the emotion.
So..... I need to get out of the box again. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be - fully, 100% confident in that. However, I'm missing some things and they are not things that are just going to come to me. I have to get out of my comfort zone and do a few things that I may not like initially. I simply can't go on this way - it's not healthy. I hesitate because life is already complicated so how in the world do I fit in more activity? I just do - because I need to - and the rest will work itself out. If I get outside myself for a bit, maybe just maybe, those things I long for and am waiting for will work themselves out even sooner than I think. As much as I want this life to be all about me, that's simply not where it's at, nor where it should be.
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