After last Sunday, I began to wonder - am I the only one who gets a bit nervous when the pastor starts preaching about our purpose in life or what God is calling us to do? It's not that I don't want to do what God asks of me - quite the contrary. It's the what of it that makes me nervous. What is my calling? I feel a definite tug at my heart when this subject comes up and I have ideas of what I believe God wants of me. However, if I explore these ideas in detail I become overwhelmed, unworthy, incapable and the logisitcs of making it happen seem insurmountable. I mean, I have responsibilities right? I have to be able to support not only myself, but my children and what if my idea of this "calling" is way off base? What if it is NOT what God wants of me?
Did Moses feel this way? Jonah? Paul?
I went to early service last week and afterward I was troubled. As I drove home, I stewed over it a bit. Then the thought occurred to me that I was worrying over something that I could not in any way, shape or form work out on my own. If my idea of this calling is correct, then it is actually out of my hands to a degree. If that is indeed what God wants for my life, all I can do is rely on Him to open the doors for me. When I got home, Anna then wanted to go to the later service and didn't want to go alone. So I went with her. Different service this time with a different pastor but the SAME message. God definitely has a plan - not just for me, but for my children, for my friends and for YOU.
After this particular service, I was no longer nervous or troubled. I realized that His calling is not about me or my abilities or my responsibilites, it is about His grace and His extension of that grace not just to me but to everyone. God wants me to just be who I am - because He made me this way for a reason. He wants me to just relax and quit trying to "help" Him. There is nothing about me that I can change or improve or fine tune that will help Him accomplish what He wants. In the same way, my circumstances have molded me into who I am today in such a way that He can use them in just the way He wants. He has done all the work necessary within me, my only responsibility is for me to accept this molding and let Him continue with finishing touches.
There is a book called Eat, Pray, Love - it's a good book but it reminds of what my calling is right at this very moment. It's pretty much that simple. Be Fed by His Word, talk to Him daily and continue loving. I may have messed up love in the past but our biggest mistakes deliver our most valuable lessons. Rarely do I make the same mistake twice. I understand love now - more than I ever have. It's funny how when something like love injures you most, you realize the only way to overcome that pain is to love even more.
Try it. It works.
And then know this: our calling does not have to be complicated. our calling is to love and be ourselves. God will do the rest. We don't have to be someone we're not in order to please God. He will take us, flaws and all. Quit looking around at everyone else and wishing to be more like her/him or less like you. You are perfect just the way you are!
Hebrews 10:14
With one sacrifice, then, he has made perfect forever those who are purified from sin.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Cleaning Out Closets
I find it ironic, that as I begin to clean out closets in preparation to move in a few months that I am also bombarded with emails, verses, etc that are themed with the subject of forgiveness.
I am, by nature, a very forgiving person...... to a point. However, if the wrongs just keep on coming I tend to shut down the forgiveness pool. I know and realize that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you allow the other person to remain present in your life. But even if that person is no longer a part of your life, it is sometimes hard to really let go of the pain they caused. It's easy to let it fester and much easier to let go of them with negative feelings than with fond ones.
It's no secret that I've put my best effort into taking the high road through divorce. And mostly, I feel that I have let negative feelings go. I still have a great deal of respect for my former spouse and in many ways will always love him. However, lately with all the messages on forgiveness I've been getting, I can't help but wonder if I've totally "cleaned out my closet" of anger and resentment. I think that there are still a few mementos I'm hanging onto for some odd reason and I know I've got to dig them out and throw them away.
So I learned today that the word forgive has several meanings in scripture - one of them being kaphar - which in Greek means to purge or pitch. It originates from the Hebrew word for atonement - which is to cleanse or cover. Suzie Eller states, "Kaphar forgiveness is a gift. It allows you to pitch the past and its entanglements, and it covers the new relationship with God's grace." And that right there is why I've got to get serious about cleaning out my closets. Suzie wanted to restore a relationship and that was the goal of her forgiveness. I'm not needing to restore a relationship but I am beginning a new one. In order for this new one to reach its full potential, I must know my closets are clean. If I want God's continuing grace where I am going, I will not bring the skeletons of my past along with me. I must lay them to rest and leave them right where they belong.
Part of doing that is realizing that so much of our lives are completely out of our control. We do make mistakes that cause chaos at times but when true tragedy happens, I believe we are victims of circumstance. It's not about the errors I made in marriage OR the things that he did wrong - it is the combination of our mistakes with our circumstances that led to the place we are now. It's about making peace with the past and not dwelling on it - even if you or someone else is partly to blame. Ann Voskamp summarizes this well:
What is in the past has already been forgiven. What a gift! If I can accept that gift, then I should surely be able to pay it forward and let all that negativity stay where it belongs. The future is my opportunity to give back. The future is my opportunity to acknowledge that even bad things can lead to good and to be thankful that through that circumstance, I have been changed for the better. Ann also says:
You’ve only accepted Christ as your Lord without reservation — as much as you have accepted your life as a gift without regret.
It has always been my goal to live without regret. Today that is no different. However, today I have had the experiences of the past to help me live in ways that lead to prosperity and not demise.. We definitely learn from our mistakes - very expensive lessons at times. But they are valuable lessons that help us embrace our future, not just with confidence but with grace. Precious gifts...... yes gifts! Those things that left me with resentment...... are gifts. So as I for-give - I am learning that this process involves giving those things ~back~ to God first. Then we may pay it forward (a new way to think of for-giving; giving forward) - extending grace to those who have wronged us.
It's not just about extending that grace to the person who wronged us, but it's about the bigger picture of living victoriously - free from the burden of negativity - free to go forward and truly live!
The best is yet to be.
I am, by nature, a very forgiving person...... to a point. However, if the wrongs just keep on coming I tend to shut down the forgiveness pool. I know and realize that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you allow the other person to remain present in your life. But even if that person is no longer a part of your life, it is sometimes hard to really let go of the pain they caused. It's easy to let it fester and much easier to let go of them with negative feelings than with fond ones.
It's no secret that I've put my best effort into taking the high road through divorce. And mostly, I feel that I have let negative feelings go. I still have a great deal of respect for my former spouse and in many ways will always love him. However, lately with all the messages on forgiveness I've been getting, I can't help but wonder if I've totally "cleaned out my closet" of anger and resentment. I think that there are still a few mementos I'm hanging onto for some odd reason and I know I've got to dig them out and throw them away.
So I learned today that the word forgive has several meanings in scripture - one of them being kaphar - which in Greek means to purge or pitch. It originates from the Hebrew word for atonement - which is to cleanse or cover. Suzie Eller states, "Kaphar forgiveness is a gift. It allows you to pitch the past and its entanglements, and it covers the new relationship with God's grace." And that right there is why I've got to get serious about cleaning out my closets. Suzie wanted to restore a relationship and that was the goal of her forgiveness. I'm not needing to restore a relationship but I am beginning a new one. In order for this new one to reach its full potential, I must know my closets are clean. If I want God's continuing grace where I am going, I will not bring the skeletons of my past along with me. I must lay them to rest and leave them right where they belong.
Part of doing that is realizing that so much of our lives are completely out of our control. We do make mistakes that cause chaos at times but when true tragedy happens, I believe we are victims of circumstance. It's not about the errors I made in marriage OR the things that he did wrong - it is the combination of our mistakes with our circumstances that led to the place we are now. It's about making peace with the past and not dwelling on it - even if you or someone else is partly to blame. Ann Voskamp summarizes this well:
You don’t get to make up most of your story. You get to make peace with it.
You don’t get to demand your life, like a given. You get to accept your life, like a gift.
Beginnings and middles, they are only yours to embrace, to unwrap like a gift.
But you get the endings. You always get the endings.
You get the endings and you get to make them a gift back to the Giver.
You get the endings and you get to make them a gift back to the Giver.
What is in the past has already been forgiven. What a gift! If I can accept that gift, then I should surely be able to pay it forward and let all that negativity stay where it belongs. The future is my opportunity to give back. The future is my opportunity to acknowledge that even bad things can lead to good and to be thankful that through that circumstance, I have been changed for the better. Ann also says:
You’ve only accepted Christ as your Lord without reservation — as much as you have accepted your life as a gift without regret.
It has always been my goal to live without regret. Today that is no different. However, today I have had the experiences of the past to help me live in ways that lead to prosperity and not demise.. We definitely learn from our mistakes - very expensive lessons at times. But they are valuable lessons that help us embrace our future, not just with confidence but with grace. Precious gifts...... yes gifts! Those things that left me with resentment...... are gifts. So as I for-give - I am learning that this process involves giving those things ~back~ to God first. Then we may pay it forward (a new way to think of for-giving; giving forward) - extending grace to those who have wronged us.
It's not just about extending that grace to the person who wronged us, but it's about the bigger picture of living victoriously - free from the burden of negativity - free to go forward and truly live!
The best is yet to be.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
When is enough, enough?
How long is long enough to overlook the ways someone is trying to take advantage of you? How long do you shrug something off, choose to look away or turn the other cheek. How long do you try to feel sorry for them, have mercy on them or even try to help them when all they do is continue to assume the worst, play mind games or even full-on insult you?
All is NOT fair in love and war.
I've had more than my share of fairness. And quite honestly, I can handle the abuse. However, it's when my children are put in the middle that I draw the line. They are innocent by-standers that should not have to endure the petty arguments of adults.
I've spent more than enough time trying to wrap my brain around a reasonable compromise in effort to keep the peace. I'm leaving that energy here in this blog tonight. No more! I wash my hands of it. It's pointless to try to do the right thing if you're only going to get stabbed in the back. Even worse if your children have to carry the knife!
And yet -- I simply cannot harbor this hurt, anger or disbelief. I choose to work through this conflict with forgiveness in mind. Why? Not because the Bible tells me so..... But because it's just dang good advice. The Bible is actually full of dang good advice. It's a mental health manual! I am letting go of negativity because it is best for ME. It has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with my own well being. Sound selfish? Perhaps. But sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish in order to be selfless later on when it really matters.
So bring it Mr.Miserable! You may wish your worst nightmare on me but there's not a darn thing you can do to make that happen. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you but that doesn't mean you can spoil mine. I hope that you can some day see all the ways God wants to bless you if you will only take a moment to let Him - and quit trying to do life your way.
Mark 4:24-25
“Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”
All is NOT fair in love and war.
I've had more than my share of fairness. And quite honestly, I can handle the abuse. However, it's when my children are put in the middle that I draw the line. They are innocent by-standers that should not have to endure the petty arguments of adults.
I've spent more than enough time trying to wrap my brain around a reasonable compromise in effort to keep the peace. I'm leaving that energy here in this blog tonight. No more! I wash my hands of it. It's pointless to try to do the right thing if you're only going to get stabbed in the back. Even worse if your children have to carry the knife!
And yet -- I simply cannot harbor this hurt, anger or disbelief. I choose to work through this conflict with forgiveness in mind. Why? Not because the Bible tells me so..... But because it's just dang good advice. The Bible is actually full of dang good advice. It's a mental health manual! I am letting go of negativity because it is best for ME. It has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with my own well being. Sound selfish? Perhaps. But sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish in order to be selfless later on when it really matters.
So bring it Mr.Miserable! You may wish your worst nightmare on me but there's not a darn thing you can do to make that happen. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you but that doesn't mean you can spoil mine. I hope that you can some day see all the ways God wants to bless you if you will only take a moment to let Him - and quit trying to do life your way.
Mark 4:24-25
“Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Adversity Breeds Contentment?
I'm in a very contemplative mood today and feel fortunate to have the afternoon to myself. There are many changes on the horizon and perhaps I'm beginning to get a bit anxious about them. I'm starting to work myself up into a frenzy over things that I just have no control over. I really need to relax. The perfectionist tendencies of my youth are beginning to appear again and I have to keep reminding myself that perfection is a myth. Even if it were possible, it is pointless because nobody can relate to a perfect person and I don't want to be that girl.!
So perhaps the decisions I've made are good and perhaps some of them are not so good. That's life. Trial and error; live and learn. I've said before that mistakes are how we learn and I believe in that. Some of our trials are even outside our control, have nothing to do with our choices and give us a lesson or two in spite of our circumstances. I believe that is exactly how I came to this place I lovingly call contentment.
It's odd to me, how our biggest times of adversity can lead us to the most comfortable places in life. When things get so bad that we have no choice but to completely give up - that's not always a bad thing. I believe sometimes we run out of solutions for a reason. We can use our God given resources only to a point - and then we have to let the Expert take over. What is most interesting to me about that, is that when we finally give up control then we find ourselves on a journey we never would have imagined possible. Our dreams are so limited. We think we know what we want..... but actually have no idea. We think we know where we want to go - but when we try to get there, all we find are problems. When we give up, and let ourselves be led - the journey becomes so much more than we ever could have imagined.
I spent a great many years searching for contentment. It was something I felt I could find on my own. I did not need anyone's help - I just needed to do this, or that, or achieve this, or acquire that or make this new goal, or look for that dream. I wanted happily ever after but I did not believe in fairy tales. On top of all that discontentment, life just didn't make sense to me. I was never satisfied and always looking for more. I wanted to make sense of this crazy world and was frustrated by the fact that I could not understand my circumstances - nor could I fix them. So I went a bit rogue and just decided to turn my world and the world of those I love completely upside down.
And guess what? It hurt. A LOT. and perhaps at times, it still hurts. However, it took shaking things up to calm my spirit down. It took a complicated situation to realize that the only way to simplify life was to make some changes. It took ending complacency and replacing it with adversity to get to the place of contentment I so longed for. It was a risk but one that has paid off in the end.
Life still throws curve balls and always will. However contentment has been found. It's not about the trials life brings but about being comfortable when we are not in control. It's in knowing how much we are blessed even when horrible things happen. It's in understanding that we are true to ourselves even when others question our integrity. It's about giving up our worries and knowing that just as God has taken care of all our yesterdays, He will also get us through each and every tomorrow.
Do I still want for things? Of course - that's only human. However, I am now able to want but still have appreciation for what I've been given and know that if nothing else is ever given to me again, I'm living a a rich, full life that is only getting better with time. God wants us to have His best and I know that it is yet to be. I trust His timing in that but will enjoy each and every gift along the way - even those that may be disguised in adversity.
So perhaps the decisions I've made are good and perhaps some of them are not so good. That's life. Trial and error; live and learn. I've said before that mistakes are how we learn and I believe in that. Some of our trials are even outside our control, have nothing to do with our choices and give us a lesson or two in spite of our circumstances. I believe that is exactly how I came to this place I lovingly call contentment.
It's odd to me, how our biggest times of adversity can lead us to the most comfortable places in life. When things get so bad that we have no choice but to completely give up - that's not always a bad thing. I believe sometimes we run out of solutions for a reason. We can use our God given resources only to a point - and then we have to let the Expert take over. What is most interesting to me about that, is that when we finally give up control then we find ourselves on a journey we never would have imagined possible. Our dreams are so limited. We think we know what we want..... but actually have no idea. We think we know where we want to go - but when we try to get there, all we find are problems. When we give up, and let ourselves be led - the journey becomes so much more than we ever could have imagined.
I spent a great many years searching for contentment. It was something I felt I could find on my own. I did not need anyone's help - I just needed to do this, or that, or achieve this, or acquire that or make this new goal, or look for that dream. I wanted happily ever after but I did not believe in fairy tales. On top of all that discontentment, life just didn't make sense to me. I was never satisfied and always looking for more. I wanted to make sense of this crazy world and was frustrated by the fact that I could not understand my circumstances - nor could I fix them. So I went a bit rogue and just decided to turn my world and the world of those I love completely upside down.
And guess what? It hurt. A LOT. and perhaps at times, it still hurts. However, it took shaking things up to calm my spirit down. It took a complicated situation to realize that the only way to simplify life was to make some changes. It took ending complacency and replacing it with adversity to get to the place of contentment I so longed for. It was a risk but one that has paid off in the end.
Life still throws curve balls and always will. However contentment has been found. It's not about the trials life brings but about being comfortable when we are not in control. It's in knowing how much we are blessed even when horrible things happen. It's in understanding that we are true to ourselves even when others question our integrity. It's about giving up our worries and knowing that just as God has taken care of all our yesterdays, He will also get us through each and every tomorrow.
Do I still want for things? Of course - that's only human. However, I am now able to want but still have appreciation for what I've been given and know that if nothing else is ever given to me again, I'm living a a rich, full life that is only getting better with time. God wants us to have His best and I know that it is yet to be. I trust His timing in that but will enjoy each and every gift along the way - even those that may be disguised in adversity.
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