After last Sunday, I began to wonder - am I the only one who gets a bit nervous when the pastor starts preaching about our purpose in life or what God is calling us to do? It's not that I don't want to do what God asks of me - quite the contrary. It's the what of it that makes me nervous. What is my calling? I feel a definite tug at my heart when this subject comes up and I have ideas of what I believe God wants of me. However, if I explore these ideas in detail I become overwhelmed, unworthy, incapable and the logisitcs of making it happen seem insurmountable. I mean, I have responsibilities right? I have to be able to support not only myself, but my children and what if my idea of this "calling" is way off base? What if it is NOT what God wants of me?
Did Moses feel this way? Jonah? Paul?
I went to early service last week and afterward I was troubled. As I drove home, I stewed over it a bit. Then the thought occurred to me that I was worrying over something that I could not in any way, shape or form work out on my own. If my idea of this calling is correct, then it is actually out of my hands to a degree. If that is indeed what God wants for my life, all I can do is rely on Him to open the doors for me. When I got home, Anna then wanted to go to the later service and didn't want to go alone. So I went with her. Different service this time with a different pastor but the SAME message. God definitely has a plan - not just for me, but for my children, for my friends and for YOU.
After this particular service, I was no longer nervous or troubled. I realized that His calling is not about me or my abilities or my responsibilites, it is about His grace and His extension of that grace not just to me but to everyone. God wants me to just be who I am - because He made me this way for a reason. He wants me to just relax and quit trying to "help" Him. There is nothing about me that I can change or improve or fine tune that will help Him accomplish what He wants. In the same way, my circumstances have molded me into who I am today in such a way that He can use them in just the way He wants. He has done all the work necessary within me, my only responsibility is for me to accept this molding and let Him continue with finishing touches.
There is a book called Eat, Pray, Love - it's a good book but it reminds of what my calling is right at this very moment. It's pretty much that simple. Be Fed by His Word, talk to Him daily and continue loving. I may have messed up love in the past but our biggest mistakes deliver our most valuable lessons. Rarely do I make the same mistake twice. I understand love now - more than I ever have. It's funny how when something like love injures you most, you realize the only way to overcome that pain is to love even more.
Try it. It works.
And then know this: our calling does not have to be complicated. our calling is to love and be ourselves. God will do the rest. We don't have to be someone we're not in order to please God. He will take us, flaws and all. Quit looking around at everyone else and wishing to be more like her/him or less like you. You are perfect just the way you are!
Hebrews 10:14
With one sacrifice, then, he has made perfect forever those who are purified from sin.
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