Cleaning Out Closets

I find it ironic, that as I begin to clean out closets in preparation to move in a few months that I am also bombarded with emails, verses, etc that are themed with the subject of forgiveness.

I am, by nature, a very forgiving person......  to a point.  However, if the wrongs just keep on coming I tend to shut down the forgiveness pool.  I know and realize that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you allow the other person to remain present in your life.  But even if that person is no longer a part of your life, it is sometimes hard to really let go of the pain they caused.  It's easy to let it fester and much easier to let go of them with negative feelings than with fond ones.

It's no secret that I've put my best effort into taking the high road through divorce.  And mostly, I feel that I have let negative feelings go.  I still have a great deal of respect for my former spouse and in many ways will always love him.  However, lately with all the messages on forgiveness I've been getting, I can't help but wonder if I've totally "cleaned out my closet" of anger and resentment.  I think that there are still a few mementos I'm hanging onto for some odd reason and I know I've got to dig them out and throw them away.

So I learned today that the word forgive has several meanings in scripture - one of them being kaphar - which in Greek means to purge or pitch.  It originates from the Hebrew word for atonement - which is to cleanse or cover.  Suzie Eller states, "Kaphar forgiveness is a gift. It allows you to pitch the past and its entanglements, and it covers the new relationship with God's grace."  And that right there is why I've got to get serious about cleaning out my closets.  Suzie wanted to restore a relationship and that was the goal of her forgiveness.  I'm not needing to restore a relationship but I am beginning a new one.  In order for this new one to reach its full potential, I must know my closets are clean. If I want God's continuing grace where I am going, I will not bring the skeletons of my past along with me.  I must lay them to rest and leave them right where they belong.

Part of doing that is realizing that so much of our lives are completely out of our control.  We do make mistakes that cause chaos at times but when true tragedy happens, I believe we are victims of circumstance.  It's not about the errors I made in marriage OR the things that he did wrong - it is the combination of our mistakes with our circumstances that led to the place we are now.  It's about making peace with the past and not dwelling on it - even if you or someone else is partly to blame.  Ann Voskamp summarizes this well:

You don’t get to make up most of your story. You get to make peace with it.

You don’t get to demand your life, like a given. You get to accept your life, like a gift.

Beginnings and middles, they are only yours to embrace, to unwrap like a gift.

But you get the endings. You always get the endings. 
You get the endings and you get to make them a gift back to the Giver.

What is in the past has already been forgiven.  What a gift!   If I can accept that gift, then I should surely be able to pay it forward and let all that negativity stay where it belongs.  The future is my opportunity to give back.  The future is my opportunity to acknowledge that even bad things can lead to good and to be thankful that through that circumstance, I have been changed for the better.   Ann also says:

You’ve only accepted Christ as your Lord without reservation — as much as you have accepted your life as a gift without regret.

It has always been my goal to live without regret.  Today that is no different.  However, today I have had the experiences of the past to help me live in ways that lead to prosperity and not demise..  We definitely learn from our mistakes - very expensive lessons at times.  But they are valuable lessons that help us embrace our future, not just with confidence but with grace.  Precious gifts......  yes gifts!  Those things that left me with resentment...... are gifts.  So as I for-give - I am learning that this process involves giving those things ~back~ to God first.  Then we may pay it forward (a new way to think of for-giving; giving forward) - extending grace to those who have wronged us. 

It's not just about extending that grace to the person who wronged us, but it's about the bigger picture of living victoriously - free from the burden of negativity - free to go forward and truly live!

The best is yet to be.