Baby Girl is born, she is wrapped in pink and treated like a princess.
Toddler girl begins to learn what fairy tales are. Is given princess costumes and tiaras.
Preschool girl watches princess movies and discovers the concept of prince.
School girl learns about "happily ever after".
High School girl - begins to wish that someday her prince will come.
College girl looks for prince, a big white dress and sees happily ever after on the horizon.
Young woman gains the prince, wore the dress and begins to have princes and princesses of her own.
Middle aged woman loses sight of the fairy tale. Decides happily ever after was a myth.
Older woman decides happily ever after is dependent on herself and no one else.
Elderly woman sees that happily ever is attainable but not in this lifetime.
There is just something about the fairy tale that stays with a woman. It takes on different meanings at different stages of her life. Some women keep trying to find the prince but find most men fall short. Some women decide early on its a worthless pursuit. Some women hold dearly to the dream, let-down after let-down but are determined that their life will have that happy ending one day.
No matter what attitude a woman has adopted there is one thing I think that all women want. We want someone who will fight for us. I would even go as far as to say that this type of person would even bring hope to the woman who no longer believes in happily ever after. There's just one problem with that desire - It's hard to find someone that can actually live up to it.
Thing is, I really believe that most men are fighters. They want to be our knights in shining armor as much as we want them to be. But perhaps we are not always so princess-like or inspiring. It's really hard to fight for something that you may not believe in OR it's really hard to fight for someone that's already fighting with you.
We may want men to (excuse my vulgarity here) "grow some balls" but often we are the ones who cut them off in the first place.
And let's face it - if it's not us doing that then it's the crazy world we live in. It's the crazy stupid world that makes us insane so we go off on our men and decide to take captive their balls so they can't fight anymore OR it's the crazy stupid world, that beats down our men sapping their energy and then leaving us vulnerable. The crazy stupid world attacks us ALL.
It really doesn't matter what it is - my point is that we need to self examine before we make judgement - as do our men. We are often left vulnerable, but are we empowering our men? And even if we are the picture of perfect femininity and grace, do we ever stop and put ourselves in their shoes and really think about what they might be going through? Are we praying for them and loving them the way we've been taught in 1 Corinthians 13?
I no longer believe happily ever after is a myth but I do believe that I have a role in making that my life. Love is not something that just happens to you. Love is an action and I have as much responsibility to act on it as I have to receive it properly and without expectation.
Now, do princes actually exist? knights in shining armor? Perhaps not the way the fairy tales portray them but I know at least one guy who fits the job description - and he even fought for me this week! Sorry all you princess wannabes - this one is mine!
All men have it in them - they just need the right lady in waiting to bring it out. BE that girl...... you'll see.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Seek and Ye Shall Find?
I am at home on a Sunday morning in July. That's very unusual behavior for me. It's church day. Church has been a part of my life since the beginning. I can't remember a time that I wasn't involved in church. I've been to many - switched denominations, visited with friends, watched online, listened on the radio, etc. There have been seasons in my life where church was a burden - another thing to do in my ever long list of "obligations". There have also been seasons where church was just routine, or maybe habit. There have been seasons where church was done only so my kids would have the experience. In fact, when I look back over my life I realize that the majority of my years were spent going to church for all the wrong reasons.
However, the last two years were the exception. My kids are now old enough that they can choose whether or not to go. I am no longer married so I don't have the spousal expectation that I attend. It has been completely my choice. No obligations to go, no need for routine attendance and no feelings of parental duty. I had the privilege of belonging to a congregation of incredibly loving and uplifting people so the choice was easy. I went because I wanted to.
I wanted to go for many reasons. I loved the people. I needed the social interaction. The pastors gave incredible messages that I needed to hear. I was able to participate in things I love - singing, teaching, learning and most of all fellowship. It helped complete me and contributed to my wholeness. The church accepted me when I was a mess, nurtured me back to health and then showed me ways I could do the same for others. I was able to give and receive - two very important things Christ asks of us.
But was that simply congregational? Before that two year season of my life, I really hadn't experienced that kind of church since high school. Or is it also in the timing? Churches experience highs and lows just like individuals do.
Whatever it is, it makes it doubly difficult to find a church now. Moving away from such an incredible congregation makes it hard not to expect to find it again somewhere new. I think I'm going to have to let go of the idealistic ideas in my mind - or at least archive them for awhile. I believe it is attainable again, but it may be that it has to be implemented somewhere new that may be in a slump or just getting started in learning about what makes outsiders feel wanted.
Churches suck at making people feel wanted.
But... look at me - throwing stones at the church from the comfort of my bed on a Sunday morning when I had every opportunity to go. It's not guilt I'm feeling though. It's discouragement. And although it may be understandable, it's simply not acceptable. How can I do anything about it if I don't put myself out there? I vowed to live life outside the box but I keep crawling back in. I am supposed to be the exception to the rule. May today's missed opportunity be the catalyst for new growth. No looking back, no projecting forward - just living in the moment day to day, thankful for the blessings in my life and knowing that God still holds me close to His heart - whether I stay in bed on a Sunday morning or trudge forward in my quest for a place to worship.
However, the last two years were the exception. My kids are now old enough that they can choose whether or not to go. I am no longer married so I don't have the spousal expectation that I attend. It has been completely my choice. No obligations to go, no need for routine attendance and no feelings of parental duty. I had the privilege of belonging to a congregation of incredibly loving and uplifting people so the choice was easy. I went because I wanted to.
I wanted to go for many reasons. I loved the people. I needed the social interaction. The pastors gave incredible messages that I needed to hear. I was able to participate in things I love - singing, teaching, learning and most of all fellowship. It helped complete me and contributed to my wholeness. The church accepted me when I was a mess, nurtured me back to health and then showed me ways I could do the same for others. I was able to give and receive - two very important things Christ asks of us.
But was that simply congregational? Before that two year season of my life, I really hadn't experienced that kind of church since high school. Or is it also in the timing? Churches experience highs and lows just like individuals do.
Whatever it is, it makes it doubly difficult to find a church now. Moving away from such an incredible congregation makes it hard not to expect to find it again somewhere new. I think I'm going to have to let go of the idealistic ideas in my mind - or at least archive them for awhile. I believe it is attainable again, but it may be that it has to be implemented somewhere new that may be in a slump or just getting started in learning about what makes outsiders feel wanted.
Churches suck at making people feel wanted.
But... look at me - throwing stones at the church from the comfort of my bed on a Sunday morning when I had every opportunity to go. It's not guilt I'm feeling though. It's discouragement. And although it may be understandable, it's simply not acceptable. How can I do anything about it if I don't put myself out there? I vowed to live life outside the box but I keep crawling back in. I am supposed to be the exception to the rule. May today's missed opportunity be the catalyst for new growth. No looking back, no projecting forward - just living in the moment day to day, thankful for the blessings in my life and knowing that God still holds me close to His heart - whether I stay in bed on a Sunday morning or trudge forward in my quest for a place to worship.
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