Up in the Air.....

I haven't written in awhile - not for lack of things to say but more because I have so many things running through my mind that I am having trouble categorizing my thoughts. Emotions are once again at high alert.

I think its no coincidence that the storms brewing on the east coast coincide with the clouds hovering over my thoughts.

Two job interviews and other 'possibilities' will raise hopes a bit - but when one opportunity is shattered and the other is looking ominous, the doubts begin to creep in.

Thing is, the old me would have just let the emotion rise and let common sense fly out the window. The old me would have let the fleshy side of me take over and handle it all. by. myself. That girl had to have control. That girl didn't know that dependence is a very good thing.

This girl -( though admittedly tried initially to revert back to old patterns )- has learned that hope should not be in earthly possibilites or people. When things are up in the air, my hope is also "up in the air" but not in the way that sounds. It has nothing to do with uncertainty but everything to do with trust. Life is not for me to handle on my own but for me to give to God and trust that He will take care of me and my future. This time around, when disappointment struck, I went to Him and gave control back. He knows my anxiety but He also knows my long term needs and desires. This time, instead of acting - I am letting Him do it.

Does it mean that the disappointment doesn't still sting? Not at all. I'm also feeling very defeated. But just as a storm eventually subsides, so will the pain of rejection. It's just my time to weather the storm and be ready to repair the damage it leaves behind.

And thankfully - the sun eventually comes out after a storm. Max Lucado (wow, he's good) said it well - "Christ lived the life we could not live and took the punishment we could not take to offer the hope we cannot resist." My hope is up in the air and that is where I will strive to keep it.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ----Jeremiah 29:11