Why is it that when you finally get issues all resolved in your head and you begin to feel some peace that life has to hit you right in the neck with a curve ball? What is that? Is it life's feeble attempt at testing our faith?
I'm not gonna lie - sometimes my faith wavers. Today I'm wavering..... teetering on the edge of cliff and almost ready to just take a big nose dive. The very trials similar to what I face today often make me want to throw in the towel and just be angry. Sometimes I want to reject God. Today is one of those days.
Today I doubt Him. Today I want to take the wheel. Today my control freak side was awakened and I'm ready to fight - but not a good fight - a very destructive evil fight of selfishness and folly.
It's days like today that take every ounce of courage I have to focus on what's real and true. Can't see the forest for the trees? I can't see the road for all of the doubt in the way. I didn't ask for this and don't deserve it. However when I calm down, I know it's not from God. I know I have to crawl back up into His palm and cry my tears of frustration and let Him hold me awhile.
Funny how sometimes advice is given even before its needed - but then stays with us. A good friend told me a while ago, "We all doubt, we have to doubt - that makes believing more sincere". Never would I have guessed that I would need it today. So yes I doubt but I'm choosing that at the moment. I'm going to reject that choice and believe that God still has a plan and He's working it out for me. I'm believing today that the attack will not be a hindrance but instead will be a fortress that will only serve to protect my faith and make it stronger.
I'm facing this curve ball and hitting it over the fence. I can conquer it and end up with a home run. No need for any more pain in the neck.
James 1:2-4
Jeremiah 29:11
Psalm 71:20
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