Meltdown

Yesterday was emotional day like none other. I can't really explain why. There are many reasons for it but why it hit yesterday, I have no idea. At the time, it was pretty unbearable but I'm still here breathing today so I guess I got through it. I feel sorta like my fever just broke and that relief is on its way.

Emotions are so puzzling to me. I stifled them for so long that they have to come up and slap me around from time to time I guess. I'm not going to fear them anymore - but try to embrace them. They are what makes us human. They enable us to love, and learn, and communicate. I want to feel every ounce of anger, every last tear, and every big thick belly laugh that comes along.

What I have to work on is my faith. I let doubt cloud every ounce of me yesterday. I cried out to God but then didn't listen for His calming presence.

It reminded me of stray cats I see in the neighborhood (yes - I have just a small bit of crazy cat woman in me). They look lonely, hungry even desperate at times. I try to be the cat whisperer and get them to trust me. I provide for them sometimes by setting food out but they just keep running away. Sometimes I have the thought - If only I could turn myself into a cat for awhile - to be able to communicate to them, on their level that my yard is a safe haven - that they can trust me and find peace and rest here. That is exactly what God did for us when He sent His son to live here on earth. He sees us struggling. He sees us hungry. He sees us searching for peace. He sent His son to communicate to us that He is our safe haven - our resting place. If only we will listen and accept His gift.

I may have run out into the alley yesterday, but I eventually made my way back. Today I rest in His most generous gift of love. (and I have a massage appointment after work - woohoo!)