From my ex: I'm not sure you can ever be happy.
From my mom: You are always looking for perfection. When will you realize there is no such thing?
This - from the two people who know me best in the world. I must entertain these thoughts. But.... I feel I must also explain them.
First of all for the first question I believe my basic temperament explains this. I am a melancholy personality and the following description rings true (except for the keeping everything in order part - an even though I don't follow through with this, in a perfect world an organized, orderly household would help me be incredibly at peace). Here is the lineup of my personality:
Personality Strengths of the Melancholy
Deep and thoughtful
Analytical
Serious and purposeful
Genius prone
Talented and creative
Artistic or musical
Appreciative of beauty
Sensitive to others
Self-sacrificing
Conscientious
Idealistic
As a parent, sets high standards and wants everything done right.
As a homemaker, keeps everything in order.
As an employee, schedule oriented and hard working.
A list maker and keeper.
Personality Weaknesses of the Meloncholy
Easily offended
Can get too caught up in details
Doesn't do well with change.
Struggles with insecurity
Tends towards depression
Scary how accurate this description is! And honestly I would have to say that I can see where my ex would think that happiness eludes me. Thing is, to say I can't ever be happy is very unfair - especially coming from him. He has seen my happiness more than anyone else in this world. If its not enough for him then he needs to take note that melancholy personalities are to be avoided. To me, when I read the strengths of the melancholy - they definitely outweigh the weaknesses. To me, when a melancholy is happy, it's a true meaningful happy and definitely not some fake, pretend false pretense. I liken it to when a cat shows love. You know cats don't do something unless they mean it so when they love you its real. Melancholy personalities are the same!
As for perfection (the concern of my mother) - it appears that this is also a personality trait. I have definitely gotten much better over the years at not needing to be perfect in everything I do. I have learned to embrace my flaws and mistakes and see them as ways I learn, tools of refinement, beauty marks if you will. I definitely no longer expect perfection in others! Where I do seek perfection is where I know something can be improved. When I see that something or someone is not working to their full potential. It is out of concern that I try to encourage better ways of doing things or even demand more effort. Perhaps my discontentment has shown up in seeking a better house, different car, new clothes, etc. but that really isn't a search for perfection. It just a vision of betterment. I believe God has humbled me so much over the last year however, that material things have lessened in importance to me. My experience with wealth (be it ever so limited) is that money will not solve problems or even lessen them and actually ends up creating entirely different issues in a lot of cases. We can get so wrapped in in what money allows us to do that we lose sight of the important things that need our attention. The things that are free. The things that are simply there wanting us to love them, wanting to love us back.
I can't change my personality type. This is who I am. Perhaps it may appear that I have difficulty with contentment. I will agree. I am a work in progress and I do see progress. But I also see no problem in not being content with what we have at the moment and knowing that there is more. In fact, I think that's human nature and not just a weakness of the melancholy. Once more the lyrics to Blessings by Laura Story help me feel ok about this weakness of mine.....
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
We all struggle with discontentment at times. It's because this world is not our home. We have an unexplained longing for more because deep down we know there is more - we just don't always know how to find it. The answer is that we will NEVER find it here on earth. Only our Heavenly Father can supply it. He doesn't want us to be content with this world. Our contentment should be in Him.
Oh yeah - I need to scratch out that genius prone part as well. Perhaps there was potential at one time but this 40 year old brain is all used up and can't even remember what day it is :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! That does describe me too almost to a T! Minus the genius part too!LOL It is kinda funny my hubby and I just had this conversation about will I ever be happy? I like to think I will! I have changed a lot over the years though as far as expecting so much out of people and wanting things as far as material things go. I feel that tug or need that there has to be more to fufill me in this life. Yet at the same time I feel like I have so much to keep me content and fufilled and just need to accept who I'am.Thank you for the kind things you have said! It means a lot to me too. Kinda the same way you feel like a little nod from God telling me I do have a gift so use it! My hubby told me those very words last night that I have such a gift for what I do and it frustrates him that I doubt it so much! So I'm going to take these words of encouragement and step forward not be afraid anymore and do what I do! Traci
ReplyDeleteP.S. Don't know what you do for a living but you DEFINITELY have a gift for writing!
Thank you Traci. I am an insurance adjuster, lol. It feeds my analytical side. This is one of my creative outlets so I could never do it for work. It is therapy in a way :) If it were ever forced it would lose its effectiveness. I was questioned the other day about one of my blogs. The individual asked if I had directed it at them. My blogs are never directed at anyone but me. However, it helps to know when I've struck a chord with someone. It helps me know I'm not alone. Thank you so much for the feedback!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your absolute transparency (sp? i am soo sleepy) in your blogs - we need to all be as real as possible with each other so we can better understand & care about and for one another.
ReplyDeleteI, m'dear, am an equal parts Sanguine and Melancholy. Sometimes it makes folks think i'm bipolar, but i think God gave me the Sanguine part for the first part of my life, when i was well & on stage performing and all that good stuff. The good things about Melancholy-being are that we can sit curled up with a book, or do something creative,and be pretty content. We can be alone and stay sane. I have the thinnest skin ever ("easily offended", etc), which i often wish i could just GET OVER, but then i think it would rob me of my being able to see people who are hurting. And we get to do that.
God is just amazing. He even knows what temperament we will need to navigate this life.
Maybe transparency is easier for us melancholies as well because I also admire your ability to share. Yes - God makes us who we are for a reason. Not just for our own good but for the good of those around us. So I guess next time I'm moody, I just need to tell my peeps its for YOUR own good :) :) :)
ReplyDeleteHonestly though - I fully embrace the fact that I have bouts of unhappiness. It reminds me this world is not my home and that there is better waiting for me. Perfection is not a horrible goal. It is a reminder the God's love is perfect and worth striving to imitate!