I think most of us desire to be "good" people. We want to say and do the right things, be considerate and respectful, find the right balance between personal and work time, and build meaningful relationships. While most of us want that, we often fall short. We also often desire to be just a little bit bad.... not in a way that might hurt anyone but in a way that would satisfy our inner bad girl.
But just what criteria are we using to define "good"? Are we looking outside ourselves for this? Are we basing our perception of good on what those around us think? And how do we classify bad? Is it against the 10 commandments or what your mother always said? Or do both these ideas come from within? Are good and bad completely different concepts for you than they are for me? Do we know ourselves well enough to recognize the good and the bad or are we afraid to face the truth?
I think I've been facing a lot of truth lately. I have been completely transparent, not only with myself but with several others who know me. I fear being perceived as a Debbie Downer and don't want to riddle others with my negativity. Many times I overcompsate with optimism. Is that being fake? I'm hoping it just means I'm looking for silver linings. I am reminded of a quote similar to this: If you can't change your situation, change the way you think about it. But is that denying your self? Sometimes I push my feelings to the background because I think they are negative. There is intense pressure to be a glass half full girl. But often, those feelings are valid and I should not only acknowledge them but embrace them! The more I ignore, the more likely I am to compensate with innappropriate actions.
But what about the ugly? What do you do when you have feelings you know are just plain horrible - not just by God's standards, but also the world's standards and even your own standards? Every person has a dark side - I don't care how Susie Sunshine they are. All of us have thoughts now and then we could never admit to anyone and sometimes would rather to refuse to acknowledge ourselves. However, these thoughts are often SOS cries and need to be analyzed. We need to love ourselves enough to address them. Instead of fearing them, indulge for just a minute but keep the logic in place. FEEL. Let yourself FEEL. Before you do this though, learn to accept yourself the way you are, give yourself the freedom to be real, love yourself enough to feel safe and secure in all your good, bad and ugly. Quit the comparisons and just be comfortable with you.
I for one, am going to quit trying to be the people pleaser all the time. I need a little time to love myself because I'm seeing some really ugly stuff in me right now. Often when a child acts out, showing them a little love and attention is all they need. I am now that child. I'm acting out. I need to turn inward for awhile.
Is it selfish? Some would see it that way - but I think those are the ones that haven't taken the time to truly get to know and love themselves. It's only by loving yourself that you can truly love and serve others.
No comments:
Post a Comment