Corners

Corners are really annoying. I remember being sent to the corner when I was little. They are a pain in the rear when painting a room. If you live on a corner lot, you have a lot more edging to do. But the worst, the absolute worst is being backed into a corner. It's like being trapped.... nowhere to go. I, apparently, can't even talk myself out of a corner.

So today, I'm just going to sit in my corner and wait it out. I did the only thing a girl can do when in that situation. Total. Brutal. Honesty. The problem is I don't have any explanation for feeling the way I do. I don't know how to change how feel. I've tried - in vain for more than 4 years. Much prayer and effort has been given but God is still silent. Is this a lesson He wants me to learn on my own? Why doesn't He intervene?

I crave change yet I am not ready for it. The time is not right. However, I fear that the time will never be right. And why should I fear that? Why do I want this change? I have everything here that I always wanted.... I don't feel disappointed exactly but I guess I feel that maybe I wanted the wrong things? What is the basis for what were my hopes and dreams in life and why now do I doubt that? This is a struggle that can't be resolved in a blog for sure - but in life,with time, maybe.

So for now I guess - the corner may be a safe place for me. It is my consequence of many mistakes along the way. It is where I must think about what I did and about how I need to change. Time Out. I can't hurt anyone else while I'm here and I can't get distracted by things I've been told not to do. I'm just not sure it was ever the most effective form of discipline but I guess it's better than a spanking.