Clarity.

 Those people are on a dark spiral downward. But if you think that leaves you on the high ground where you can point your finger at others, think again. Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn't so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you've done.  (Romans 2:1-2)

I was very harsh with someone last week.  This week I see why....  I am my own pompous ass.  I refused to see my own faults and instead focused on what I felt to be sins against me. 

19 years ago marked the happiest day of my life.  What happened?  I became blind.  Blind to my own faults and failures but quick to find this in others.  My heart was hardened - not because of the injustices done to me but by my own inability to see beyond myself.  As this has been a year of healing - or so I thought - it was only the beginning.  It may take me 19 more years to restore what I damaged.  However I know the right course now and God has promised that if I stay the course, my suffering will not be in vain.

Because you got a double dose of trouble
   and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
   and your joy go on forever. (Isaiah 61:7)

Perhaps I've had confusion for over a year now, but clarity has come clearly - stabbing at me with hurling pain.  It's a good pain - the pain of growth, birthing pains to something new.  I just hope to see restoration of those things I wrongfully killed before.