Giving Up

Today I surrender..  I quit.  I give up.  No more will I try it this way.

But not in the way you're thinking.....

You see, I have this issue that I've tried to fix for years and years and years.  I've been spinning my wheels trying to find the answer to fix my problem.  I've prayed, I've cried, I've done everything my feeble little mind could think of - and it somehow occurred to me today that I have been my own worst enemy.  In the process I destroyed my sense of self, I destroyed my relationship with God and I destroyed my family.

Of course it was unintentional!  It was simply a mistake - a very understandable one given the circumstances.  But just because something is understandable or reasonable, does not make it right!

I have tried to fix everything that was wrong in my life all. by. myself.

I do not have the knowledge, experience or capacity to do this.  I have let pride, blame, pity, selfishness, rebellion, worry, injustice, excuses, harsh words and ungodly thoughts completely devastate my world.  I see it now for what it is.

Does it mean I am a bad person?  NO.  I am a regular gal, living a regular life doing things that seem understandable or reasonable or even sensible.....  but again that does not mean they were right.

So today, I lay aside reason, understanding and sensibility and I give up.  My efforts have been pointless.  It's time to own up and give up.  This issue rests here, with God.  My hope, faith and future are all in His hands.

He will restore what I've lost.....in His way, in His time.  For now, I'm thankful for correctable errors and clean slates.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that god corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.6 Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.   (Proverbs 3:5-6)