Sometimes you just need a man....

Hope I didn't raise too many eyebrows with that title !

It's just that I'm coming off a 2 week fast from testosterone.  It has literally been 2 weeks (and a few days) since I've had any significant contact with any man.  My perspective on male interaction had become unhealthy and I knew I was out of line.   There was a window in which I knew I could quit cold turkey....for at least awhile.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not a man-a-holic but I do struggle with the vice of craving male attention and sometimes when its offered I want to cling to it.  It can be a little obsession of mine.  I love LOVE.

However after the past weekend of estrogen extravaganza (spent the entire weekend with an amazing group of women - more on that later) I have realized that love can be healthy and not obsessive.  It's entirely the type of love we choose that matters.  Agape love - the love of the Lord or brotherly love are two types of love on which I am free to feast.  Just as fruits and vegetables are important to my diet so are these types of love to my spirit.  I not only crave them, I NEED them.

So what do I do with my desire for romantic love?  I think of it as sugar.  I know that sounds "sweet" but it really helps me keep it all in perspective.  When I was losing weight and getting healthy I had to omit sugar for a time.  I still ate carbs but I limited them to healthy carbs and quit eating refined sugars and white bread.  To this day, I love to eat sweets but I have to limit them and sometimes I still have to cut them out completely for a time.  I'm in a time of emotional healing right now and therefore the same principles apply.  I had become heavy emotionally so I'm losing that emotional weight with diet and exercise.  Yes - I still get cravings and I even give into them occasionally but ultimately I know the road to health.

After I lost the pounds, I was able to add in sugar in small doses and I enjoy a nice dessert once in awhile now.  Perhaps that's what romantic love will be like for me going forward.  What I have to learn now is balance.  I'm beginning to see what healthy male interactions are and recognize what may be unhealthy.  I never knew friendships with men were possible.  In fact, I was told many times that they weren't.  And I believed that lie.  I'm now re-programming my brain to understand agape love and brotherly love and just how men fit into that.

There's just something about men.....  their deep voices, strong hands, broad shoulders....  God really knew what He was doing when He created us male and female!  And He loves me enough to provide male interaction to me in healthy ways.  Even in the midst of estrogen extravaganza we got just enough male attention to keep us going - men served our food and we even had two wonderful male speakers which were a great blessing in the midst of all those crazy women!  He does this for me as well.  Even though I do not have a man in my presence daily, I am beginning to have male FRIENDS and what blessings they are!  Those who text me to make sure I've landed safely after a flight, those who make sure I am okay after a storm, those who send me letters of encouragement at times I need them most and those who tell me all the great places to eat when I am in an unfamiliar city.....THOSE are my healthy carbs, uh, er MEN!  And for now, while I am getting healthy, those are exactly the type of men I need.

When the time is right, God will let me know when its okay for me to add a little sugar back into my diet.  Until then He guides me and shows me when I'm about to do something unhealthy.  For now, He is my sugar - His agape love is more than enough to sustain me.  He is THE MAN.  So yes - sometimes you just need a man but you always have THE MAN.... That guy....   The only One who pursues you and loves you unconditionally and eternally.  YOURS....forever.