Not sure where to begin on this exactly. I have some new thoughts to process.
Do you know where Adam was when Eve was being tempted by the serpent? The Bible indicates he was right there with her..... not just with her but CLOSE - like shoulder to shoulder - when all this was happening. Yet obviously he was silent. He did not speak up. He did not try to stop her. Why? Was he afraid? Was he as fascinated as Eve? Was he just letting her lead? OR was he afraid she would be mad at him if he stood up for what was right?
Learning this really has my mind spinning. I've known for a long time that men and women think in entirely different ways on just about everything. And I - even though Eve's sin was waaaaay before my time - have carried guilt about being a woman, a control freak, a manipulator just like Eve. Oh of course, I've accepted God's grace in my life and I know I really don't have to carry that guilt but knowing that Adam was right there and didn't stop her eases my pain a bit. I mean, in my mind, he is every bit as wrong! HE DID NOT FIGHT FOR HER PURITY!
Isn't that what being a man is all about? Aren't men supposed to watch out for us and protect us - even from ourselves at times? Aren't they wired for the fight - and highly competitive? Or..... are they really just big cowards? WHY IS IT THAT WHEN THE PRESSURE IS ON THEY CAVE OR REFUSE TO STEP UP?
Sorry that I'm yelling..... I'm feeling very let down but yet at the same time vindicated. I don't own 100% of my mistakes when there was a man present watching me fall. Yes - absolutely - I own my part and I did play a very big selfish part BUT I feel free from the burden of shame because I was not alone in my errors.
And then at the same time, I feel silly that this even matters. The only thing that should matter is that God's grace is sufficient. But somehow - it makes me feel a great sigh of relief knowing that I was not alone in my misunderstandings or misinterpretations of how life was supposed to be.
It is going forward that I can begin to live a life brand new - without hiding from God (like Adam and Eve both did after they ate the fruit). When God seeks me I can step out, unashamed and be present where He wants me. My confidence is being renewed and I get stronger each day that my relationship with Him is strengthened. I feel powerful and strong.
And for the men out there that aren't stepping up, aren't fighting for their women, aren't being the men they were created to be - I feel sorrow and compassion. If anyone can relate to feeling inadequate that would be me. It would be easy to point the finger and place blame - but that certainly won't help them become the men that God intended. Every ounce of me wants to yell at them - GROW A PAIR, but..... then I remember the way I failed my man, my children, my friends and family - and I'm humbled. I see that these men have to take their hurts, disappointments, and insecurities to God just like I did. And I pray for them. I love them. And hope the confusion and inner conflict will be healed one day. Be strong my sweet men !!!
Psalm 62:11
God said this once and for all; how many times Have I heard it repeated? "Strength comes Straight from God."
So many thoughts come to mind when reading your thoughts and interpretations on this matter. A part of me wants to concur with you, while another wants to argue from a stand point of being a man.
ReplyDeleteOf course there are all sorts of reasons, rationionalizing, and excuses as to why you say "we" as men have failed. One thing you may fail to realize is the shift of power in the home in our society. Women today want to be the head of the household. They don't want to be led, they want to do the leading. Yea, they say they want an equal partnership, but their actions speak differently.
There is a hidden fear in men of a woman, their woman, leaving them. And what happens, if a woman decides to depart?.... A system that rewards them for their separation, that's what! The courts, society, and organizations like DHS are all contributors. It's absolutely absurd. A man cannot simply discipline his child without being undermined and criticized by his counterpart or ridiculed for such actions. Eventually most men give up or find other "interests" to avoid such conflicts.
A hundred years ago, hell, fifty years ago people didn't get divorced, men were men, and women were women (for the most part). Women were more dependant on their spouse. I understand that this is a small, specific point and doesn't cover the broad strokes that you are painting about we as cowards, but is relative to my experience, as well as the familiarity many men have, some of which are my friends.
As for me, I have made many conciliations and sacrifices in order to do what's right for my family's sake, not my own best (selfish) interest, all while NEVER bending on the things that matter most. Yet I will be ridiculed and judged by some as a failure of a man. That's ok.... I know only God can judge me.
Women. Let your man be a man. Walk beside your man, not in front. That is all.
A Transparent Man
OK - wow. When I first read this my feathers were ruffled but in retrospect I see that you are not directing your comments at me. It is a shame that you've had this kind of experience with a woman. We are most definitely not all like that. I understand the perception that there has been a shift in power in the home but I don't think that blame falls on women alone. Go back to Adam and Eve..... Eve was not the leader - she just wanted a taste of that big red juicy apple and she was talked into it by a great deceiver. It is my opinion that Adam could have talked her out of it but part of him must have been curious too. And part of him wanted his woman to experience pleasure (that's something I love about men.... they like to please us women) But the control freak side of women came after Eve took her bite - that was a consequence of eating the fruit. The fruit was from the tree of knowledge and the serpent told her she would come to know things that God did not want her to know! Thus the "grass is greener" syndrome was born. The other consequence was shame. Do you think Eve had any complaints about her cute little figure before the fall? Doubtful. But after, I bet she noticed thunder thighs and stretch marks.... What does a woman do when she has flaws? She tries to overcompensate - with work or with intelligence or with CONTROL. I agree with you that our family structure has gotten totally out of line but I don't place the blame of that on man or on woman. We are in this together and we created this world together - male and female - in our reign of selfish free will. We share the responsibility. I wrote this original post over a month ago out some frustration with my life in particular. It was a way to clear up some things in my head about what I seek going forward. I don't like being single and I don't want to live this way forever. But I WON'T marry again without at least some potential of transparency. Transparency is completely idealistic and utopian I know - but if two people are at least trying, I can't imagine how good a union would be.
ReplyDeleteI've never ever in my life desired to walk in front of my man and I walked behind a man way too long. I would love to walk beside a man and keep sharing the responsibilities life gives us but this time in a more positive manner. Sharing the responsibility of change not the responsibility of sin.