So I had a moment of frustration yesterday and was brought back to reality by a sweet friend. I'm not here to retract my statements necessarily but maybe more so to clarify.
I had challenged my male readers to be strong and ahem, "Grow a pair" - but I did not clarify what I mean by that. Yes - every woman wants to be sought after and fought for. We love to be rescued and feel the arms of security in our lives. But more than that we want our men to relate to us - to understand - to share their hopes, dreams, concerns. We want them to be REAL and to show us their true authentic self. We don't want the masks, the persona, the ego trip most men reveal to us. We want to feel safe enough with them to be able to be naked - and I don't mean physically. We want transparency. It's easy for us when we trust someone - but we want it to go both ways. In order for this to happen, men need to have the courage to show us their realness - their flaws, their fears....... their heart.
I have learned that this is a rare event for a man to share his soul. It is difficult enough for them with other men but maybe even more terrifying with a woman. I wish that somehow I could communicate to them all how important this is for true intimacy.
So when I say "Step Up", I'm really asking you men to open up. Don't be afraid to be real with the women in your life. I promise we are much less critical than you might guess. Why? Because we are flawed and insecure as well - and just as I felt better knowing that Eve was not alone in her sin, the same principal applies to my messy inner self. I just want to be able to share that with someone who also has his flaws. I want to help him be a better man and receive help from him to be a better woman. Isn't that the whole point of relationships anyway? Isn't this why it wasn't good for man to be alone?
Adam didn't ask for Eve. He didn't even know he wanted her. One more example of how God knows our needs and wants even better than we know them ourselves.
The next time someone mentions courage, know that in a woman's eye it does not necessarily mean your ability to protect her or fight off enemies. It means she wants you to show confidence enough in your true authentic self that you have no problem letting her see you "naked" and unashamed.
It's not courage that a man needs to open up. It's confidence and self-awareness. Self-actualization.
ReplyDeleteCourage is easy. We're taught all of our lives how to be courageous. Hell, we get so good at courage, we use it to conceal our hearts.
Here's the rub. It's not enough to know that you want us to have enough confidence. Confidence can't be summoned at will. It has to be learned, grown, sought and realized. Even then, what most people think is confidence is really just arrogance and bravado. Real confidence comes when you can be completely sincere and honest with yourself about all of your faults and attributes. When you understand exactly how important and unimportant you are. Once you can survive that kind of honest self-appraisal, then you can relax and be real with your mate.
It sounds easier than it is. :)
I think it's likely you know who wrote this, so I'll just leave it anonymous.
Courage may be easy for some.... But I think what you're talking about is scary to others. Many lack the courage to do what it takes to become confident. Many men simply don't want to get to know themselves and prefer denial. It's easier. So yes - we women want confidence - absolutely! But it takes courage for a man to go where he's never gone before - deep within himself. For most men, that's uncharted territory and they'd rather live behind the masks than see themselves for the broken individuals they really are. That's why courage is needed. It's the first step. After a man conquers that territory and sees that the risk is worth the reward, then his confidence will be displayed and he'll quit doubting the path his life has taken. Only then can he achieve self actualization.
ReplyDeleteYes - I know who wrote this :) And believe me, most men do not think half as deeply as you do ! Courage may be easy for you but for most others it is a mask they wear. They are posers. We women want the real deal! Let your wife know how lucky she is :)
Articulated well Mr. Anonymous!.... and yes Aimz, it is easier to hide behind a hard, exterior mask. This has been instilled in us from our beginnings, a part of our DNA as you will. Learning a new behavior or "opening up" can be scary, especially if one has already been met with rejection or heartache for doing so. It's hard for me to believe most women want this from men, although they say that they do. Honestly, you may be an exception, a rare flower. :)
ReplyDeleteI am definitely not typical and I could agree that I am likely an exception although saying "most women" or grouping them together and giving them certain personality traits is simply inaccurate - we are all so different! But I also realize I kinda did that with men in my last two posts.... I have to apologize for that. I'm learning that men can be a vastly different as us women. Thank Goodness!!!! And maybe a lot of women say they want one thing but mean something completely different. I would also say that women can be as bad about this as men - I hid behind masks for many, many years putting on a happy face, acting as if everything was fine and good and rosy in my world. I'm even one who put a man through some heartache and rejection but my motive was pure when doing so. I sincerely was seeking what I felt at the time was in the best interest of both of us. There was nothing vindictive or angry about it - just complete and utter desperation from feeling fake - from living a lie. All I can say now is that this chick here passionately admires a man who can truly come to know himself and be comfortable in his own skin; who also is able to let go of the anger and bitterness from past hurts; who can then step outside himself enough to attempt to love others as Christ does. Now that..... that, is sexy.
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