After last Sunday, I began to wonder - am I the only one who gets a bit nervous when the pastor starts preaching about our purpose in life or what God is calling us to do? It's not that I don't want to do what God asks of me - quite the contrary. It's the what of it that makes me nervous. What is my calling? I feel a definite tug at my heart when this subject comes up and I have ideas of what I believe God wants of me. However, if I explore these ideas in detail I become overwhelmed, unworthy, incapable and the logisitcs of making it happen seem insurmountable. I mean, I have responsibilities right? I have to be able to support not only myself, but my children and what if my idea of this "calling" is way off base? What if it is NOT what God wants of me?
Did Moses feel this way? Jonah? Paul?
I went to early service last week and afterward I was troubled. As I drove home, I stewed over it a bit. Then the thought occurred to me that I was worrying over something that I could not in any way, shape or form work out on my own. If my idea of this calling is correct, then it is actually out of my hands to a degree. If that is indeed what God wants for my life, all I can do is rely on Him to open the doors for me. When I got home, Anna then wanted to go to the later service and didn't want to go alone. So I went with her. Different service this time with a different pastor but the SAME message. God definitely has a plan - not just for me, but for my children, for my friends and for YOU.
After this particular service, I was no longer nervous or troubled. I realized that His calling is not about me or my abilities or my responsibilites, it is about His grace and His extension of that grace not just to me but to everyone. God wants me to just be who I am - because He made me this way for a reason. He wants me to just relax and quit trying to "help" Him. There is nothing about me that I can change or improve or fine tune that will help Him accomplish what He wants. In the same way, my circumstances have molded me into who I am today in such a way that He can use them in just the way He wants. He has done all the work necessary within me, my only responsibility is for me to accept this molding and let Him continue with finishing touches.
There is a book called Eat, Pray, Love - it's a good book but it reminds of what my calling is right at this very moment. It's pretty much that simple. Be Fed by His Word, talk to Him daily and continue loving. I may have messed up love in the past but our biggest mistakes deliver our most valuable lessons. Rarely do I make the same mistake twice. I understand love now - more than I ever have. It's funny how when something like love injures you most, you realize the only way to overcome that pain is to love even more.
Try it. It works.
And then know this: our calling does not have to be complicated. our calling is to love and be ourselves. God will do the rest. We don't have to be someone we're not in order to please God. He will take us, flaws and all. Quit looking around at everyone else and wishing to be more like her/him or less like you. You are perfect just the way you are!
Hebrews 10:14
With one sacrifice, then, he has made perfect forever those who are purified from sin.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Cleaning Out Closets
I find it ironic, that as I begin to clean out closets in preparation to move in a few months that I am also bombarded with emails, verses, etc that are themed with the subject of forgiveness.
I am, by nature, a very forgiving person...... to a point. However, if the wrongs just keep on coming I tend to shut down the forgiveness pool. I know and realize that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you allow the other person to remain present in your life. But even if that person is no longer a part of your life, it is sometimes hard to really let go of the pain they caused. It's easy to let it fester and much easier to let go of them with negative feelings than with fond ones.
It's no secret that I've put my best effort into taking the high road through divorce. And mostly, I feel that I have let negative feelings go. I still have a great deal of respect for my former spouse and in many ways will always love him. However, lately with all the messages on forgiveness I've been getting, I can't help but wonder if I've totally "cleaned out my closet" of anger and resentment. I think that there are still a few mementos I'm hanging onto for some odd reason and I know I've got to dig them out and throw them away.
So I learned today that the word forgive has several meanings in scripture - one of them being kaphar - which in Greek means to purge or pitch. It originates from the Hebrew word for atonement - which is to cleanse or cover. Suzie Eller states, "Kaphar forgiveness is a gift. It allows you to pitch the past and its entanglements, and it covers the new relationship with God's grace." And that right there is why I've got to get serious about cleaning out my closets. Suzie wanted to restore a relationship and that was the goal of her forgiveness. I'm not needing to restore a relationship but I am beginning a new one. In order for this new one to reach its full potential, I must know my closets are clean. If I want God's continuing grace where I am going, I will not bring the skeletons of my past along with me. I must lay them to rest and leave them right where they belong.
Part of doing that is realizing that so much of our lives are completely out of our control. We do make mistakes that cause chaos at times but when true tragedy happens, I believe we are victims of circumstance. It's not about the errors I made in marriage OR the things that he did wrong - it is the combination of our mistakes with our circumstances that led to the place we are now. It's about making peace with the past and not dwelling on it - even if you or someone else is partly to blame. Ann Voskamp summarizes this well:
What is in the past has already been forgiven. What a gift! If I can accept that gift, then I should surely be able to pay it forward and let all that negativity stay where it belongs. The future is my opportunity to give back. The future is my opportunity to acknowledge that even bad things can lead to good and to be thankful that through that circumstance, I have been changed for the better. Ann also says:
You’ve only accepted Christ as your Lord without reservation — as much as you have accepted your life as a gift without regret.
It has always been my goal to live without regret. Today that is no different. However, today I have had the experiences of the past to help me live in ways that lead to prosperity and not demise.. We definitely learn from our mistakes - very expensive lessons at times. But they are valuable lessons that help us embrace our future, not just with confidence but with grace. Precious gifts...... yes gifts! Those things that left me with resentment...... are gifts. So as I for-give - I am learning that this process involves giving those things ~back~ to God first. Then we may pay it forward (a new way to think of for-giving; giving forward) - extending grace to those who have wronged us.
It's not just about extending that grace to the person who wronged us, but it's about the bigger picture of living victoriously - free from the burden of negativity - free to go forward and truly live!
The best is yet to be.
I am, by nature, a very forgiving person...... to a point. However, if the wrongs just keep on coming I tend to shut down the forgiveness pool. I know and realize that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you allow the other person to remain present in your life. But even if that person is no longer a part of your life, it is sometimes hard to really let go of the pain they caused. It's easy to let it fester and much easier to let go of them with negative feelings than with fond ones.
It's no secret that I've put my best effort into taking the high road through divorce. And mostly, I feel that I have let negative feelings go. I still have a great deal of respect for my former spouse and in many ways will always love him. However, lately with all the messages on forgiveness I've been getting, I can't help but wonder if I've totally "cleaned out my closet" of anger and resentment. I think that there are still a few mementos I'm hanging onto for some odd reason and I know I've got to dig them out and throw them away.
So I learned today that the word forgive has several meanings in scripture - one of them being kaphar - which in Greek means to purge or pitch. It originates from the Hebrew word for atonement - which is to cleanse or cover. Suzie Eller states, "Kaphar forgiveness is a gift. It allows you to pitch the past and its entanglements, and it covers the new relationship with God's grace." And that right there is why I've got to get serious about cleaning out my closets. Suzie wanted to restore a relationship and that was the goal of her forgiveness. I'm not needing to restore a relationship but I am beginning a new one. In order for this new one to reach its full potential, I must know my closets are clean. If I want God's continuing grace where I am going, I will not bring the skeletons of my past along with me. I must lay them to rest and leave them right where they belong.
Part of doing that is realizing that so much of our lives are completely out of our control. We do make mistakes that cause chaos at times but when true tragedy happens, I believe we are victims of circumstance. It's not about the errors I made in marriage OR the things that he did wrong - it is the combination of our mistakes with our circumstances that led to the place we are now. It's about making peace with the past and not dwelling on it - even if you or someone else is partly to blame. Ann Voskamp summarizes this well:
You don’t get to make up most of your story. You get to make peace with it.
You don’t get to demand your life, like a given. You get to accept your life, like a gift.
Beginnings and middles, they are only yours to embrace, to unwrap like a gift.
But you get the endings. You always get the endings.
You get the endings and you get to make them a gift back to the Giver.
You get the endings and you get to make them a gift back to the Giver.
What is in the past has already been forgiven. What a gift! If I can accept that gift, then I should surely be able to pay it forward and let all that negativity stay where it belongs. The future is my opportunity to give back. The future is my opportunity to acknowledge that even bad things can lead to good and to be thankful that through that circumstance, I have been changed for the better. Ann also says:
You’ve only accepted Christ as your Lord without reservation — as much as you have accepted your life as a gift without regret.
It has always been my goal to live without regret. Today that is no different. However, today I have had the experiences of the past to help me live in ways that lead to prosperity and not demise.. We definitely learn from our mistakes - very expensive lessons at times. But they are valuable lessons that help us embrace our future, not just with confidence but with grace. Precious gifts...... yes gifts! Those things that left me with resentment...... are gifts. So as I for-give - I am learning that this process involves giving those things ~back~ to God first. Then we may pay it forward (a new way to think of for-giving; giving forward) - extending grace to those who have wronged us.
It's not just about extending that grace to the person who wronged us, but it's about the bigger picture of living victoriously - free from the burden of negativity - free to go forward and truly live!
The best is yet to be.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
When is enough, enough?
How long is long enough to overlook the ways someone is trying to take advantage of you? How long do you shrug something off, choose to look away or turn the other cheek. How long do you try to feel sorry for them, have mercy on them or even try to help them when all they do is continue to assume the worst, play mind games or even full-on insult you?
All is NOT fair in love and war.
I've had more than my share of fairness. And quite honestly, I can handle the abuse. However, it's when my children are put in the middle that I draw the line. They are innocent by-standers that should not have to endure the petty arguments of adults.
I've spent more than enough time trying to wrap my brain around a reasonable compromise in effort to keep the peace. I'm leaving that energy here in this blog tonight. No more! I wash my hands of it. It's pointless to try to do the right thing if you're only going to get stabbed in the back. Even worse if your children have to carry the knife!
And yet -- I simply cannot harbor this hurt, anger or disbelief. I choose to work through this conflict with forgiveness in mind. Why? Not because the Bible tells me so..... But because it's just dang good advice. The Bible is actually full of dang good advice. It's a mental health manual! I am letting go of negativity because it is best for ME. It has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with my own well being. Sound selfish? Perhaps. But sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish in order to be selfless later on when it really matters.
So bring it Mr.Miserable! You may wish your worst nightmare on me but there's not a darn thing you can do to make that happen. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you but that doesn't mean you can spoil mine. I hope that you can some day see all the ways God wants to bless you if you will only take a moment to let Him - and quit trying to do life your way.
Mark 4:24-25
“Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”
All is NOT fair in love and war.
I've had more than my share of fairness. And quite honestly, I can handle the abuse. However, it's when my children are put in the middle that I draw the line. They are innocent by-standers that should not have to endure the petty arguments of adults.
I've spent more than enough time trying to wrap my brain around a reasonable compromise in effort to keep the peace. I'm leaving that energy here in this blog tonight. No more! I wash my hands of it. It's pointless to try to do the right thing if you're only going to get stabbed in the back. Even worse if your children have to carry the knife!
And yet -- I simply cannot harbor this hurt, anger or disbelief. I choose to work through this conflict with forgiveness in mind. Why? Not because the Bible tells me so..... But because it's just dang good advice. The Bible is actually full of dang good advice. It's a mental health manual! I am letting go of negativity because it is best for ME. It has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with my own well being. Sound selfish? Perhaps. But sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish in order to be selfless later on when it really matters.
So bring it Mr.Miserable! You may wish your worst nightmare on me but there's not a darn thing you can do to make that happen. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you but that doesn't mean you can spoil mine. I hope that you can some day see all the ways God wants to bless you if you will only take a moment to let Him - and quit trying to do life your way.
Mark 4:24-25
“Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Adversity Breeds Contentment?
I'm in a very contemplative mood today and feel fortunate to have the afternoon to myself. There are many changes on the horizon and perhaps I'm beginning to get a bit anxious about them. I'm starting to work myself up into a frenzy over things that I just have no control over. I really need to relax. The perfectionist tendencies of my youth are beginning to appear again and I have to keep reminding myself that perfection is a myth. Even if it were possible, it is pointless because nobody can relate to a perfect person and I don't want to be that girl.!
So perhaps the decisions I've made are good and perhaps some of them are not so good. That's life. Trial and error; live and learn. I've said before that mistakes are how we learn and I believe in that. Some of our trials are even outside our control, have nothing to do with our choices and give us a lesson or two in spite of our circumstances. I believe that is exactly how I came to this place I lovingly call contentment.
It's odd to me, how our biggest times of adversity can lead us to the most comfortable places in life. When things get so bad that we have no choice but to completely give up - that's not always a bad thing. I believe sometimes we run out of solutions for a reason. We can use our God given resources only to a point - and then we have to let the Expert take over. What is most interesting to me about that, is that when we finally give up control then we find ourselves on a journey we never would have imagined possible. Our dreams are so limited. We think we know what we want..... but actually have no idea. We think we know where we want to go - but when we try to get there, all we find are problems. When we give up, and let ourselves be led - the journey becomes so much more than we ever could have imagined.
I spent a great many years searching for contentment. It was something I felt I could find on my own. I did not need anyone's help - I just needed to do this, or that, or achieve this, or acquire that or make this new goal, or look for that dream. I wanted happily ever after but I did not believe in fairy tales. On top of all that discontentment, life just didn't make sense to me. I was never satisfied and always looking for more. I wanted to make sense of this crazy world and was frustrated by the fact that I could not understand my circumstances - nor could I fix them. So I went a bit rogue and just decided to turn my world and the world of those I love completely upside down.
And guess what? It hurt. A LOT. and perhaps at times, it still hurts. However, it took shaking things up to calm my spirit down. It took a complicated situation to realize that the only way to simplify life was to make some changes. It took ending complacency and replacing it with adversity to get to the place of contentment I so longed for. It was a risk but one that has paid off in the end.
Life still throws curve balls and always will. However contentment has been found. It's not about the trials life brings but about being comfortable when we are not in control. It's in knowing how much we are blessed even when horrible things happen. It's in understanding that we are true to ourselves even when others question our integrity. It's about giving up our worries and knowing that just as God has taken care of all our yesterdays, He will also get us through each and every tomorrow.
Do I still want for things? Of course - that's only human. However, I am now able to want but still have appreciation for what I've been given and know that if nothing else is ever given to me again, I'm living a a rich, full life that is only getting better with time. God wants us to have His best and I know that it is yet to be. I trust His timing in that but will enjoy each and every gift along the way - even those that may be disguised in adversity.
So perhaps the decisions I've made are good and perhaps some of them are not so good. That's life. Trial and error; live and learn. I've said before that mistakes are how we learn and I believe in that. Some of our trials are even outside our control, have nothing to do with our choices and give us a lesson or two in spite of our circumstances. I believe that is exactly how I came to this place I lovingly call contentment.
It's odd to me, how our biggest times of adversity can lead us to the most comfortable places in life. When things get so bad that we have no choice but to completely give up - that's not always a bad thing. I believe sometimes we run out of solutions for a reason. We can use our God given resources only to a point - and then we have to let the Expert take over. What is most interesting to me about that, is that when we finally give up control then we find ourselves on a journey we never would have imagined possible. Our dreams are so limited. We think we know what we want..... but actually have no idea. We think we know where we want to go - but when we try to get there, all we find are problems. When we give up, and let ourselves be led - the journey becomes so much more than we ever could have imagined.
I spent a great many years searching for contentment. It was something I felt I could find on my own. I did not need anyone's help - I just needed to do this, or that, or achieve this, or acquire that or make this new goal, or look for that dream. I wanted happily ever after but I did not believe in fairy tales. On top of all that discontentment, life just didn't make sense to me. I was never satisfied and always looking for more. I wanted to make sense of this crazy world and was frustrated by the fact that I could not understand my circumstances - nor could I fix them. So I went a bit rogue and just decided to turn my world and the world of those I love completely upside down.
And guess what? It hurt. A LOT. and perhaps at times, it still hurts. However, it took shaking things up to calm my spirit down. It took a complicated situation to realize that the only way to simplify life was to make some changes. It took ending complacency and replacing it with adversity to get to the place of contentment I so longed for. It was a risk but one that has paid off in the end.
Life still throws curve balls and always will. However contentment has been found. It's not about the trials life brings but about being comfortable when we are not in control. It's in knowing how much we are blessed even when horrible things happen. It's in understanding that we are true to ourselves even when others question our integrity. It's about giving up our worries and knowing that just as God has taken care of all our yesterdays, He will also get us through each and every tomorrow.
Do I still want for things? Of course - that's only human. However, I am now able to want but still have appreciation for what I've been given and know that if nothing else is ever given to me again, I'm living a a rich, full life that is only getting better with time. God wants us to have His best and I know that it is yet to be. I trust His timing in that but will enjoy each and every gift along the way - even those that may be disguised in adversity.
Friday, December 28, 2012
The Party's Over
Turn out the lights, the party's over.....
It was a good one, but I'm ready for some rest. The whole year has ended on a high note for me so I'm not at all complaining but I'm looking at the year ahead and starting to be on high alert for some major changes headed my way. In order to conquer what's coming, I need to rest up.
I'm not a big resolution maker but I do try to look at ways I can improve or things I can tweak in order to simplify life just a wee bit. This year I'm keeping it uncomplicated - I just want to be whole. My motto is the following verse:
People with their minds set on you,
you keep completely whole,
Steady on their feet,
because they keep at it and don't quit.
Depend on God and keep at it
because in the Lord God you have a sure thing. (Isaiah 26:3-4)
There really isn't a scenario for which this doesn't apply. It's all about patience, perseverance and faith. I'm not going to act like it's always easy but the concept is simple - trust God. Relinquish control and let go of things that distract. When you finally realize how to do that, it is amazing how things actually fall right into place. I've had good practice over the last year and my aim is to keep at it - just like the verse says. I am the new Energizer bunny - I just don't quit! I know a sure thing when I see it.
It was a good one, but I'm ready for some rest. The whole year has ended on a high note for me so I'm not at all complaining but I'm looking at the year ahead and starting to be on high alert for some major changes headed my way. In order to conquer what's coming, I need to rest up.
I'm not a big resolution maker but I do try to look at ways I can improve or things I can tweak in order to simplify life just a wee bit. This year I'm keeping it uncomplicated - I just want to be whole. My motto is the following verse:
People with their minds set on you,
you keep completely whole,
Steady on their feet,
because they keep at it and don't quit.
Depend on God and keep at it
because in the Lord God you have a sure thing. (Isaiah 26:3-4)
There really isn't a scenario for which this doesn't apply. It's all about patience, perseverance and faith. I'm not going to act like it's always easy but the concept is simple - trust God. Relinquish control and let go of things that distract. When you finally realize how to do that, it is amazing how things actually fall right into place. I've had good practice over the last year and my aim is to keep at it - just like the verse says. I am the new Energizer bunny - I just don't quit! I know a sure thing when I see it.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Berries
Sometimes it's no accident that you wake up way before your alarm. Sometimes there is a reason - and this morning I awoke to check Facebook. Lo and behold I was not alone in the wee hours of this day! A dear friend was also awake and that gave us a few precious moments to chat. The topic - relationships. It's funny how sometimes the fallout from the most toxic relationships can actually encourage the forming of some of the most precious genuine friendships.
This subject has been coming up over and over lately. Maybe it's the holidays - they bring out the worst in people it seems. So many hurtful things happen and not just from strangers! We really have to work hard to keep from becoming corrupted by it. Then all that junk has to be amplified even more by evil in this world.
Sometimes you just wonder - how in the world does God love that horrible person as much as He loves me? or does He, really? Does God have favorites and does He turn His back on people sometimes?
I believe He does. I believe He loves even the evil ones as much as He loves His faithful..... HOWEVER, His definition of love goes far beyond what we as humans can understand. Obviously - how else could He give His son for us? We could never do that. He knows our limitations but we don't understand His capacity. That being said, I do not believe He condones evil and I do believe that there is a point that He will turn away from us.
I also believe He has favorites - and that all depends on our own efforts to establish a relationship with Him. It's like how we have best friends, friends and acquaintances. Our favorites are those who are closest to us - who make the effort to stay in touch, spend time with us, love us. We know who our nearest and dearest are - just as God does. It's up to us to make the effort with Him - because He always there, waiting on us.
The whole subject reminds me of strawberries. I love me some strawberries! The problem with strawberries is that they have a tendency to go bad - quickly - sometimes even before you get them home from the store! Sometimes you can see the moldy part and remove the berry before it contaminates the whole batch. But sometimes the moldy berry is in the middle and before you know it, the whole carton has gone bad. Occasionally, you can trim of the moldy part and there is still a lot of good berry left but sometimes its a total lost cause. If there is even one good berry left in the batch, I get it out of the carton quickly! I wash it off, take off the stem and savor every juicy bite.
This may be a bad analogy but I think God sees His faithful as those good berries and savors us. The moldy ones He has to discard - and it makes Him sad because he also loves Him some berries. What's even more sad about the berries is that it just took the one nasty one in the middle to contaminate so many good ones.... the good ones never even did anything wrong - they just got put into the carton with a bad one and it was that totally random selection that went incredibly, painfully wrong.
This world is much like a carton of berries. Lots of mold happening. Sometimes we get picked out of the carton and kept safe but sometimes we can't escape it. If we get mold on us - all is not lost. God can trim it off and still use what's left of us and even restore us back to whole.
Relationships are the same way. If we get picked out of a carton and separated from a bad relationship we should be glad we were saved from the mold and decay. No need to even look back at the toxic environment - rise above and be the bright red berries we were meant to be! Let God deal with the decay. Whether He throws them out or cuts off their bad spots is between God and that other person.
Another way I see this is based on the scripture in Genesis 18. God tells Abraham He wants to destroy Sodom.
22 The men turned and started
toward Sodom. But the Lord stayed with Abraham, 23 who
asked, “Lord, when you destroy the evil people, are you also
going to destroy those who are good? 24 Wouldn’t
you spare the city if there are only fifty good people in it?
25 You surely wouldn’t let them be killed when
you destroy the evil ones. You are the judge of all the earth,
and you do what is right.”26 The Lord replied, “If
I find fifty good people in Sodom, I will save the city to keep
them from being killed.”
This same question goes back and forth between God and Abraham until Abraham gets down to 10. God promises that if He finds even 10 good people in Sodom He will not destroy it.
Friday, December 14, 2012
When Life Doesn't Make Sense
I find it ironic that the first thing I read this morning was a little quote from Joyce Meyer - "You don't need to know the why behind everything if you trust God." I had just opened my eyes, happy that it was Friday - but yet in another state hundreds of miles away, children were likely entering their school rooms - happy that it was Friday.
I no longer care that it's Friday.
Friday means absolutely nothing to a mother whose child was killed in a senseless shooting in a place where children are supposed to be safe and secure. Friday means nothing to the parents who comfort those children who lived through the tragedy. Friday means nothing to the spouses of those killed as they enter their quiet, empty homes tonight - stunned by the fact that life changes in an instant and dumbfounded that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it.
And yet still, we all try to make sense of it all. What is it in our human nature that constantly wants to know why? Does it really matter why? I mean, it is what it is. It's evil. That is almost explanation enough. But other times there are tragedies that can't even be explained as evil. They are just unfortunate events that impact us in a big way. And yet - we still ask why. When we hurt, we look for the source - is it so we can try to fix it?
Why did my loved one get cancer? Why did my friend miscarry? Why did my marriage fail? Why did 911 have to happen? Why did the Murrah Building get bombed? Why did that bully pick on MY child? Why did that friendship end? Why did my family lose touch with each other? Why is the world so jacked up these days????
You know - if we really knew why, would it make us feel any better? Maybe in certain cases. But most of the time, no. Most of the time, the why would just confuse us more or make us feel even worse. I no longer ask why.... and for the most part, no longer care about the why.
But there ARE certain things I hold onto - especially when things like this happen.
1. God loves us. Even when things happen that don't appear to be loving - He is still there just waiting for us to turn to Him.
2. God is in control. Even when the world has gone ape crazy, God still has a reign on things and He can turn any situation into something good if we seek Him.
3. I am God's child. And if He truly is my father, He knows best. If I trust Him, and I seek His guidance, He works everything......no, really EVERYTHING out the way it is supposed to be. It may not always be pretty and it may hurt like hell at times but I truly believe that all experiences in my life have shaped and continue to shape me into the woman he wants me to be.
So yeah - when nothing in the world makes sense - I will admit I do have those moments where I would rather retire to my bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep into the next century - but you know what, no one's really even safe in their own homes so why roll over and play dead? Life is a battle - full of good and evil forces. When we give up, we essentially let evil win and let God down in the process. I'm not going to surrender. I refuse to dwell on the bad and instead I choose SONshine.
For Pete's sake, it's Christmas! What is the message we are supposed to be giving the world? It's that of hope. Christ came to give us that hope. As I write, I look at the Christmas tree and I reflect on years past. Christmas is traditionally a melancholy time for me. So many memories of things that no longer are a part of my life - things that cause my heart to bleed a bit, things I miss, things I long for..... But this year when I see the tree, I also see the cross. And when I see the cross, I remember my broken heart. I originally thought he mended it but I'm beginning to see that hearts are not mended, they are simply replaced. His life on earth and eventual death on the cross gave Him the ability to give me a heart like His - or perhaps a piece of His very own heart. His grace allows Him to take broken hearts and replace them with His. Therefore, our hearts can't forgive what's been done today and we never forget when we are wronged; But God will take our broken hearts and give us His - just when we need it most. It's Christmas and we are to believe - even when evil in the world tries to steal our faith and especially when we don't understand. Look for good where you can find it and know that it still has power!
My prayer tonight as the world continues to spiral out of control is that all those with broken hearts for whatever reason - will get a small glimpse of the tree - the cross - His grace - and know that there is hope even if they can't see it yet.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways My ways declares the Lord.
This says it all to me. No point in asking why if I trust in Him.
I no longer care that it's Friday.
Friday means absolutely nothing to a mother whose child was killed in a senseless shooting in a place where children are supposed to be safe and secure. Friday means nothing to the parents who comfort those children who lived through the tragedy. Friday means nothing to the spouses of those killed as they enter their quiet, empty homes tonight - stunned by the fact that life changes in an instant and dumbfounded that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it.
And yet still, we all try to make sense of it all. What is it in our human nature that constantly wants to know why? Does it really matter why? I mean, it is what it is. It's evil. That is almost explanation enough. But other times there are tragedies that can't even be explained as evil. They are just unfortunate events that impact us in a big way. And yet - we still ask why. When we hurt, we look for the source - is it so we can try to fix it?
Why did my loved one get cancer? Why did my friend miscarry? Why did my marriage fail? Why did 911 have to happen? Why did the Murrah Building get bombed? Why did that bully pick on MY child? Why did that friendship end? Why did my family lose touch with each other? Why is the world so jacked up these days????
You know - if we really knew why, would it make us feel any better? Maybe in certain cases. But most of the time, no. Most of the time, the why would just confuse us more or make us feel even worse. I no longer ask why.... and for the most part, no longer care about the why.
But there ARE certain things I hold onto - especially when things like this happen.
1. God loves us. Even when things happen that don't appear to be loving - He is still there just waiting for us to turn to Him.
2. God is in control. Even when the world has gone ape crazy, God still has a reign on things and He can turn any situation into something good if we seek Him.
3. I am God's child. And if He truly is my father, He knows best. If I trust Him, and I seek His guidance, He works everything......no, really EVERYTHING out the way it is supposed to be. It may not always be pretty and it may hurt like hell at times but I truly believe that all experiences in my life have shaped and continue to shape me into the woman he wants me to be.
So yeah - when nothing in the world makes sense - I will admit I do have those moments where I would rather retire to my bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep into the next century - but you know what, no one's really even safe in their own homes so why roll over and play dead? Life is a battle - full of good and evil forces. When we give up, we essentially let evil win and let God down in the process. I'm not going to surrender. I refuse to dwell on the bad and instead I choose SONshine.
For Pete's sake, it's Christmas! What is the message we are supposed to be giving the world? It's that of hope. Christ came to give us that hope. As I write, I look at the Christmas tree and I reflect on years past. Christmas is traditionally a melancholy time for me. So many memories of things that no longer are a part of my life - things that cause my heart to bleed a bit, things I miss, things I long for..... But this year when I see the tree, I also see the cross. And when I see the cross, I remember my broken heart. I originally thought he mended it but I'm beginning to see that hearts are not mended, they are simply replaced. His life on earth and eventual death on the cross gave Him the ability to give me a heart like His - or perhaps a piece of His very own heart. His grace allows Him to take broken hearts and replace them with His. Therefore, our hearts can't forgive what's been done today and we never forget when we are wronged; But God will take our broken hearts and give us His - just when we need it most. It's Christmas and we are to believe - even when evil in the world tries to steal our faith and especially when we don't understand. Look for good where you can find it and know that it still has power!
My prayer tonight as the world continues to spiral out of control is that all those with broken hearts for whatever reason - will get a small glimpse of the tree - the cross - His grace - and know that there is hope even if they can't see it yet.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways My ways declares the Lord.
This says it all to me. No point in asking why if I trust in Him.
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