The Party's Over

Turn out the lights, the party's over.....

It was a good one, but I'm ready for some rest.  The whole year has ended on a high note for me so I'm not at all complaining but I'm looking at the year ahead and starting to be on high alert for some major changes headed my way.  In order to conquer what's coming, I need to rest up.  

I'm not a big resolution maker but I do try to look at ways I can improve or things I can tweak in order to simplify life just a wee bit.  This year I'm keeping it uncomplicated - I just want to be whole.  My motto is the following verse:

People with their minds set on you,
   you keep completely whole,
Steady on their feet,
   because they keep at it and don't quit.
Depend on God and keep at it
   because in the Lord God you have a sure thing. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

There really isn't a scenario for which this doesn't apply.  It's all about patience, perseverance and faith.  I'm not going to act like it's always easy but the concept is simple - trust God.  Relinquish control and let go of things that distract.  When you finally realize how to do that, it is amazing how things actually fall right into place.  I've had good practice over the last year and my aim is to keep at it - just like the verse says.  I am the new Energizer bunny - I just don't quit!  I know a sure thing when I see it.

The Berries

Sometimes it's no accident that you wake up way before your alarm.  Sometimes there is a reason - and this morning I awoke to check Facebook.  Lo and behold I was not alone in the wee hours of this day!   A dear friend was also awake and that gave us a few precious moments to chat.  The topic - relationships.  It's funny how sometimes the fallout from the most toxic relationships can actually encourage the forming of some of the most precious genuine friendships.

This subject has been coming up over and over lately.  Maybe it's the holidays - they bring out the worst in people it seems.  So many hurtful things happen and not just from strangers!  We really have to work hard to keep from becoming corrupted by it.  Then all that junk has to be amplified even more by evil in this world.

Sometimes you just wonder - how in the world does God love that horrible person as much as He loves me?  or does He, really?  Does God have favorites and does He turn His back on people sometimes?

I believe He does.  I believe He loves even the evil ones as much as He loves His faithful.....  HOWEVER, His definition of love goes far beyond what we as humans can understand.   Obviously - how else could He give His son for us?  We could never do that.  He knows our limitations but we don't understand His capacity.  That being said, I do not believe He condones evil and I do believe that there is a point that He will turn away from us.

  I also believe He has favorites - and that all depends on our own efforts to establish a relationship with Him.  It's like how we have best friends, friends and acquaintances.  Our favorites are those who are closest to us - who make the effort to stay in touch, spend time with us, love us.  We know who our nearest and dearest are - just as God does.  It's up to us to make the effort with Him - because He always there, waiting on us.

The whole subject reminds me of strawberries.  I love me some strawberries!  The problem with strawberries is that they have a tendency to go bad - quickly - sometimes even before you get them home from the store!  Sometimes you can see the moldy part and remove the berry before it contaminates the whole batch.  But sometimes the moldy berry is in the middle and before you know it, the whole carton has gone bad.  Occasionally, you can trim of the moldy part and there is still a lot of good berry left but sometimes its a total lost cause.  If there is even one good berry left in the batch, I get it out of the carton quickly!  I wash it  off, take off the stem and savor every juicy bite.  

This may be a bad analogy but I think God sees His faithful as those good berries and savors us.  The moldy ones He has to discard - and it makes Him sad because he also loves Him some berries.  What's even more sad about the berries is that it just took the one nasty one in the middle to contaminate so many good ones....  the good ones never even did anything wrong - they just got put into the carton with a bad one and it was that totally random selection that went incredibly, painfully wrong.

This world is much like a carton of berries.  Lots of mold happening.  Sometimes we get picked out of the carton and kept safe but sometimes we can't escape it.  If we get mold on us - all is not lost.  God can trim it off and still use what's left of us and even restore us back to whole.

Relationships are the same way.  If we get picked out of a carton and separated from a bad relationship we should be glad we were saved from the mold and decay.  No need to even look back at the toxic environment - rise above and be the bright red berries we were meant to be!  Let God deal with the decay.  Whether He throws them out or cuts off their bad spots is between God and that other person. 

Another way I see this is based on the scripture in Genesis 18.   God tells Abraham He wants to destroy Sodom. 

²² The men turned and started toward Sodom. But the Lord stayed with Abraham, ²³ who asked, “Lord, when you destroy the evil people, are you also going to destroy those who are good? ²⁴ Wouldn’t you spare the city if there are only fifty good people in it? ²⁵ You surely wouldn’t let them be killed when you destroy the evil ones. You are the judge of all the earth, and you do what is right.”²⁶ The Lord replied, “If I find fifty good people in Sodom, I will save the city to keep them from being killed.”

This same question goes back and forth between God and Abraham until Abraham gets down to 10.  God promises that if He finds even 10 good people in Sodom He will not destroy it.

This example here inspires me.  Maybe we are living in a Sodom today but I still believe in good.  I still see it every day even in spite of all the evil.  I will continue to seek it, believe in it and BE it.  Even when I am treated poorly, I can still react with goodness.  I may be mistreated in one moment but in another I find a kind soul, a goodhearted person or have genuine loving interactions that completely counteract the negative one I had earlier in the day.  That will be my focus.  That will be how I get through all the bad happening around me both personally and globally.  That will be how I stay fresh and avoid the mold in this crazy world -  until I get to the place where a berry can just be a berry and not worry about decay.

When Life Doesn't Make Sense

I find it ironic that the first thing I read this morning was a little quote from Joyce Meyer - "You don't need to know the why behind everything if you trust God."   I had just opened my eyes, happy that it was Friday - but yet in another state hundreds of miles away, children were likely entering their school rooms - happy that it was Friday.

I no longer care that it's Friday.

Friday means absolutely nothing to a mother whose child was killed in a senseless shooting in a place where children are supposed to be safe and secure.  Friday means nothing to the parents who comfort those children who lived through the tragedy.   Friday means nothing to the spouses of those killed as they enter their quiet, empty homes tonight - stunned by the fact that life changes in an instant and dumbfounded that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it.

And yet still, we all try to make sense of it all.  What is it in our human nature that constantly wants to know why?  Does it really matter why?  I mean, it is what it is.  It's evil.  That is almost explanation enough.  But other times there are tragedies that can't even be explained as evil.  They are just unfortunate events that impact us in a big way.  And yet - we still ask why.  When we hurt, we look for the source - is it so we can try to fix it?

Why did my loved one get cancer?  Why did my friend miscarry? Why did my marriage fail? Why did 911 have to happen?  Why did the Murrah Building get bombed?  Why did that bully pick on MY child?  Why did that friendship end? Why did my family lose touch with each other?  Why is the world so jacked up these days????

You know - if we really knew why, would it make us feel any better?   Maybe in certain cases.  But most of the time, no.  Most of the time, the why would just confuse us more or make us feel even worse.  I no longer ask why....  and for the most part, no longer care about the why.

But there ARE certain things I hold onto - especially when things like this happen.  

1. God loves us.  Even when things happen that don't appear to be loving - He is still there just waiting for us to turn to Him.
2. God is in control.  Even when the world has gone ape crazy, God still has a reign on things and He can turn any situation into something good if we seek Him.
3. I am God's child.  And if He truly is my father, He knows best.  If I trust Him, and I seek His guidance, He works everything......no, really EVERYTHING out the way it is supposed to be.  It may not always be pretty and it may hurt like hell at times but I truly believe that all experiences in my life have shaped and continue to shape me into the woman he wants me to be.

So yeah - when nothing in the world makes sense - I will admit I do have those moments where I would rather retire to my bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep into the next century - but you know what, no one's really even safe in their own homes so why roll over and play dead?  Life is a battle - full of good and evil forces.  When we give up, we essentially let evil win and let God down in the process.  I'm not going to surrender.  I refuse to dwell on the bad  and instead I choose SONshine.

For Pete's sake, it's Christmas! What is the message we are supposed to be giving the world?  It's that of hope.  Christ came to give us that hope.  As I write, I look at the Christmas tree and I reflect on years past.  Christmas is traditionally a melancholy time for me.  So many memories of things that no longer are a part of my life - things that cause my heart to bleed a bit, things I miss, things I long for.....  But this year when I see the tree, I also see the cross.  And when I see the cross, I remember my broken heart.  I originally thought he mended it but I'm beginning to see that hearts are not mended, they are simply replaced.  His life on earth and eventual death on the cross gave Him the ability to give me a heart like His - or perhaps a piece of His very own heart.   His grace allows Him to take broken hearts and replace them with His.  Therefore, our hearts can't forgive what's been done today and we never forget when we are wronged; But God will take our broken hearts and give us His - just when we need it most. It's Christmas and we are to believe - even when evil in the world tries to steal our faith and especially when we don't understand. Look for good where you can find it and know that it still has power!

My prayer tonight as the world continues to spiral out of control is that all those with broken hearts for whatever reason - will get a small glimpse of the tree - the cross - His grace - and know that there is hope even if they can't see it yet.

Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways My ways declares the Lord.

This says it all to me.  No point in asking why if I trust in Him.

On Abuse....

Sometimes it's not just hindsight that is 20/20.  Or maybe it's hindsight that leads to clearer vision not just of the past but also the present.  Learning from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, causes us to recognize when things are also unhealthy in our present day.  What I have learned over the last few years is that recognizing the way we feel about something is exactly what will help us prevent future dysfunction today.  Its of utmost importance to be honest about our feelings, not just with others but also with ourselves.  We often take negativity and try to ignore it or stuff it away because we perceive it as bad - but its actually a warning to take inventory or something that is not working in our lives.

In spite of how incredibly happy I've been lately and how blessed I feel, I still have heartache over some ways I see my loved ones being mistreated as well as how I have been mistreated.  Not only that, but I see ways that I've mistreated others and have dealt with regret over those instances.  I'm so incredibly thankful for the gift of God's grace and the redemption He gives when we go to Him with our brokenness.

That being said, I don't believe that God intends for us to be passive when we are taken advantage of or mistreated.  I believe that the most important part of learning to love others, is loving ourselves first!  We would never knowingly let our children be abused by someone - we would stand up for them or more importantly, enable them to stand up for themselves!  I do think a period of reflection is needed after being hurt.  I think we MUST go to God with this: Psalm 34:18 (NIV)  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..  It's very similar to the way we would hope our children would come to us when they have been wronged.  When our children come to us, we are able to comfort and console first and THEN empower them to handle the abuse in the most appropriate way possible.  In some cases, this involves being the bigger person and simply ignoring the offense (especially when the bully is just trying to entice a reaction) but sometimes this means confronting the offender)  In any case, the reaction requires extreme reliance on God to work out the situation in HIS way, not our own.  I believe that when we seek Him, He will supply our solutions.  Trust cannot come without respect and when we really respect someone we are able to more effectively trust in their leadership.  God has proven worthy of that respect in my own life and when I'm able to completely give credit to His guidance, trust comes easily.  Faith does not elude me - it has been proven in my own life and I'll never discount that fact.  I've done life both ways - with God and without Him and I can honestly say with Him is the ONLY way life works.

In that perspective, I also believe that sometimes abuse in our lives - whether inflicted upon us or whether we inadvertently do the abusing (we are human after all and we, ourselves, do make mistakes of this nature - I will admit to it myself!) is often a springboard to embrace a blessing if we work through the adversity in the right way.  It's incredibly difficult not to worry about what people think of us and so easy to fall into the trap of doing what others *think* we should do about a certain situation but I believe that we have to get out of our box and do what God inspires instead of what may seem more socially acceptable.  It's time to get real and own our part of a dysfuntional situation, clean up our attitude and try to see people as God sees them, NOT as we see them or as others see them.  We need to practice extreme patience that inspires perseverance.  I back this up with the following verses:  

1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV) But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

James 1:2-4 (NIV)  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^] whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Obviously I'm dealing with some adversity but it's impacted by some of my nearest and dearest who are dealing with similar circumstances.  It breaks my heart to see this happen and above anything I would want for Christmas, it would be healing in relationships.  I now completely understand why my dad would say the same thing every year when we would ask him what he wanted for Christmas.  He always said he wanted peace on earth, good will toward men.  I would roll my eyes every year but I soooooo get it now.  Above any material possesion I might desire, I would gladly live in poverty if I could experience the absence of adversity in my life and the lives of those I love.  I know that one day this will happen - there will come a day when God wipes away all our tears and takes us to this place of peace and I hold firm to that promise when these things arise.

From Ann Voskamp- He withholds no good thing from us.

And the good things in life are not so much health but holiness, not so much the riches of this world but relationship with God, not so much our plans but His presence — and He withholds no good thing from us because the greatest things aren’t ever things.

Action De Grace

With Thanksgiving behind us and Christmas looming just ahead, I am hoping to remove distraction and find more time for reflection.  Not an easy task this time of year but still very necessary.  Things are changing rapidly around me and as life begins to pick up speed, now is the time for me to "be still and know God."

The meaning of Advent is a coming into place, view, or being; arrival.  This is especially significant to me this year because I am entering into a new phase of life.  The original Advent season was full of exciting anticipation which parallels the way I see my own new year to come.  The people were awaiting a gift from God - one that had been promised for generations.  The logistics of that gift coming along did not appear realistic but nonetheless, it was promised and it came to be.  I feel the same about what is happening in my own life.

The French meaning of Thanksgiving is action de grace.  Is it any wonder that Thanksgiving comes before Christmas?  It is a time to prepare our hearts for the greatest gift of grace there ever was!  We celebrate all the ways we are blessed just before we celebrate the arrival of our greatest blessing.

It has been heavy on my heart this last month that gratitude should come naturally to me and be practiced continually - not given focus just during a specific season of the year.  There are two themes that have developed over the last year for me:  love and gratitude.  They go hand in hand.  Without love, we would not experience thankfulness and without the ability to be thankful, we would not recognize when we are loved.  We must be able to to experience these in order to gain the full effect of God's provision and live out His purpose.  It is far too easy to forget the ways God loves us but if we are able to live Thanksgiving (action de grace) year round, we can't help but see evidence daily that we are held close to His heart.

Thanksgiving (action de grace) goes far beyond gratitude.  It must be acted upon - in other words, paid forward.  The giving part is my focus this year but I want it to extend beyond Christmas and I hope to be financially comfortable enough to engage in some random good deeds here and there.  It is most fun when remaining anonymous.  The dollar amount of the gift is not important - it's the heart of the giver that matters.  When you give out of love, the gift is precious no matter how big or small.  Whether tangible or intangible - if done out of gratitude, a gift can be the gateway to something even more valuable - it can be a glimpse of Christ for the receiver.

So - as I journey towards the things I've wanted most in life and I see them come to pass along the way, I will be reminded just how much God loves me.  In addition to being awestruck by it, I want to put into action and pay forward some of that love.  He has held me and protected me, healed me and empowered me over the last year and my hope is that somehow I can encourage others to see my source of strength and help them find it too.

In the words of Anne Voskamp:
When grace rescues you, then giving thanks is the responding action.
When grace delivers you, then action defines you. 
When grace takes you in right where you are, then you act out your gratitude wherever you are.
Random acts of kindness are the action plan of God’s people.
Thanksgiving is action de grace in French —  and after Thanksgiving comes Christmas and after grace comes action, and we don’t occasionally give thanks to feel good but we live thanks to routinely do good.

The Best

It occurred to me today that I have discovered what seasoned writers, artists and musicians have known for centuries.  Intense emotion inspires creativity.  For some, happiness is their greatest muse and others are spurred by sad events in their lives. Even anger can bring forth passionate works of art!  And although I don't consider my blogging an art form, I do notice that in my more emotional moments, my writing becomes more creative in nature - sometimes almost poetic and other times more rhythmic depending on what I'm going through.  Lately, however - I want to be poetic and I'm not - heck - I just want to have words to write and I just can't find them.  As for the emotion - it's there.  It's there like its never been before, with an intensity that I've never felt and yet I'm unable to express it.  Weird.

I wonder if perhaps I have used words to comfort myself in the past and no longer need that comfort?

Was that a control issue?  Was it a means of searching?

When I was unhappy I needed those words to be able to describe where I was and where I wanted to be.  Now that I am happy, I have no need for words.  I am just happy.  How many ways do you need to describe that?  Seriously, my worries are few and of the few, they are so trivial they are not worth mentioning.  At one time, my ability to be content was questioned.  Well looky here - I think I found the mysterious place of contentment.  Weird.

And yet at times I still question how I got here.  There is only one way.  Why question it?  When I look to God for guidance and learn to be in His presence, He provides.  It's as simple as that.  When I try to do it myself, life begins to suck.  It's all about trust and relationship.  I am inadequate but HE is everything!

He loves us so much.  He wants to give us His best. God's best is better than you can imagine - take it from me, I know.  It may have taken me half a lifetime to figure it out, but I'm glad I finally did.  The future has never looked so bright.  As Robert Browning said, "The best is yet to be!"

Psalm 71:20
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Peaceful Anticipation

So yeah.....  apparently this is my place for emotional purging and it appears that I must be a recovering bulemic blogger because it's been a long time since I have felt the need to write.  Is that a good thing?  Perhaps.....

On the one hand, it is incredibly refreshing to be off the roller coaster of despair and excitement.  It is nice to just coast for awhile on the straight and narrow.   Yet on the other,  I fear that the lack of expression could cause my creativity to decline and that is an important aspect of my personality.  Perhaps I am learning to express myself in new ways.

What I am beginning to see is the end of a chapter in my life - closing in on the final pages.  It is bittersweet as several doors have closed but new, beautiful windows are beginning to open.  The change is welcome but still brings about some quiet apprehension mixed with anxious excitement. It is very difficult for me to prohibit myself from skipping to the last page and rush the ending.  I know that I need to savor every precious morsel of new beginning that I can, but it requires restraint not to head straight for the dessert.

If I could only explain how incredibly blessed I feel !!!!  I spent so many months feeling dejected and alone but seeking all the ways God loves me.  I found them finally and then He blessed me even more!  Funny how He works that way.  Just when you realize how good you have it, it gets even better.  I'm going to do my best not to grumble any more about the little things and look for good in every situation - even those very dark days because those are the times we are shaped and molded into His likeness to become the hope that so many seek. 

However - in spite of the peace and calm I am feeling now, a girl just tends to worry a bit and this is what came across my desk this morning.  Two points of scripture that show again just how much God loves us:

5 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that god corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.6 Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.   (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Philippians 4:7

7 Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.