On Abuse....

Sometimes it's not just hindsight that is 20/20.  Or maybe it's hindsight that leads to clearer vision not just of the past but also the present.  Learning from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, causes us to recognize when things are also unhealthy in our present day.  What I have learned over the last few years is that recognizing the way we feel about something is exactly what will help us prevent future dysfunction today.  Its of utmost importance to be honest about our feelings, not just with others but also with ourselves.  We often take negativity and try to ignore it or stuff it away because we perceive it as bad - but its actually a warning to take inventory or something that is not working in our lives.

In spite of how incredibly happy I've been lately and how blessed I feel, I still have heartache over some ways I see my loved ones being mistreated as well as how I have been mistreated.  Not only that, but I see ways that I've mistreated others and have dealt with regret over those instances.  I'm so incredibly thankful for the gift of God's grace and the redemption He gives when we go to Him with our brokenness.

That being said, I don't believe that God intends for us to be passive when we are taken advantage of or mistreated.  I believe that the most important part of learning to love others, is loving ourselves first!  We would never knowingly let our children be abused by someone - we would stand up for them or more importantly, enable them to stand up for themselves!  I do think a period of reflection is needed after being hurt.  I think we MUST go to God with this: Psalm 34:18 (NIV)  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..  It's very similar to the way we would hope our children would come to us when they have been wronged.  When our children come to us, we are able to comfort and console first and THEN empower them to handle the abuse in the most appropriate way possible.  In some cases, this involves being the bigger person and simply ignoring the offense (especially when the bully is just trying to entice a reaction) but sometimes this means confronting the offender)  In any case, the reaction requires extreme reliance on God to work out the situation in HIS way, not our own.  I believe that when we seek Him, He will supply our solutions.  Trust cannot come without respect and when we really respect someone we are able to more effectively trust in their leadership.  God has proven worthy of that respect in my own life and when I'm able to completely give credit to His guidance, trust comes easily.  Faith does not elude me - it has been proven in my own life and I'll never discount that fact.  I've done life both ways - with God and without Him and I can honestly say with Him is the ONLY way life works.

In that perspective, I also believe that sometimes abuse in our lives - whether inflicted upon us or whether we inadvertently do the abusing (we are human after all and we, ourselves, do make mistakes of this nature - I will admit to it myself!) is often a springboard to embrace a blessing if we work through the adversity in the right way.  It's incredibly difficult not to worry about what people think of us and so easy to fall into the trap of doing what others *think* we should do about a certain situation but I believe that we have to get out of our box and do what God inspires instead of what may seem more socially acceptable.  It's time to get real and own our part of a dysfuntional situation, clean up our attitude and try to see people as God sees them, NOT as we see them or as others see them.  We need to practice extreme patience that inspires perseverance.  I back this up with the following verses:  

1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV) But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

James 1:2-4 (NIV)  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^] whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Obviously I'm dealing with some adversity but it's impacted by some of my nearest and dearest who are dealing with similar circumstances.  It breaks my heart to see this happen and above anything I would want for Christmas, it would be healing in relationships.  I now completely understand why my dad would say the same thing every year when we would ask him what he wanted for Christmas.  He always said he wanted peace on earth, good will toward men.  I would roll my eyes every year but I soooooo get it now.  Above any material possesion I might desire, I would gladly live in poverty if I could experience the absence of adversity in my life and the lives of those I love.  I know that one day this will happen - there will come a day when God wipes away all our tears and takes us to this place of peace and I hold firm to that promise when these things arise.

From Ann Voskamp- He withholds no good thing from us.

And the good things in life are not so much health but holiness, not so much the riches of this world but relationship with God, not so much our plans but His presence — and He withholds no good thing from us because the greatest things aren’t ever things.