"It will feel better when it quits hurting." (a former PCHS football coach)
I saw this post on Facebook tonight from a fellow alumnus of PCHS. Sounds like a coach for sure :) My first question was - does that also apply to divorce?
And then I began to answer my own question.
I don't think I'm hurting anymore. I'm over the emotional roller coaster aspect of it all. I no longer cry at the drop of a hat or when the church choir sings. I can carry on a conversation with the former spouse without feeling bitterness or resentment and without that god awful lump in the pit of my stomach. I'm beginning to see all the positive aspects of single life and no longer dwelling on what I no longer have.
When I learn something new or do something around the house that I never did before I feel empowered. When I begin to feel really alone, I've been able to counteract the loneliness with my friends and family. I've begun to recognize when I try to fill emotional holes with empty things and have learned to go the major Provider of fulfillment - and try to fill with Him. Not always easy, but at least I know where to go.
So I'm fairly certain that I can say I've quit hurting. But do I feel better?..... Do I?
Maybe?
It comes and goes I guess. Life has begun to make sense and that was one of my big struggles before. I have been able to set some really important boundaries that I think will help make me healthier and happier in the long run. But honestly..... I'm not to the better part yet. I've quit hurting, yes but I'm not better yet. Does that mean that I'm still the same?
I think it just means that I've leveled out. There's still more to do. I'm staring better in the face and once I conquer that, then I'll be looking for BEST. I truly believe the best is yet to come. I believe I'll see best some day. But before I do, I have to get better. The only recipe for that is time mixed with grace.
II Corinthians 12:9And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Rocks and Hard Places
I've tried very hard over the last several months to learn positive, meaningful valuable lessons about everything I've gone through. I've tried very hard to see what positive things could come of my circumstances. I've tried very hard to use this time of recovery to strengthen and reinforce my relationship with God and become a better person for it.
But I'm not gonna lie.... sometimes life is just crap.
Sometimes we find ourselves right smack dab between a rock and hard place and there is just no reasonable way out of it.
Sometimes there is just no workable solution to our problem.
Sure - I can go to scripture and read some words of wisdom from Proverbs or find some comfort in a Psalm or two.... But yet when I try to apply them to life somehow it just doesn't seem to work. Why? Well because my idea of an answer just doesn't jive with someone else's idea of the answer. When I think that I have reached a new level of understanding, likely the person I have to deal with has come to think of the solution a completely different and incompatible way.
That's the beauty of free will my friends! I have to say I really question God on this ingenious gift He's given us. Oh - I get it.... He wants us to love Him because we choose to love Him not because He programmed that desire within us. But gosh darn it! It makes our whole existence full of utter turmoil....
I know this is not my normal kind of post but sometimes I just have to be real. I've hit a spot in my journey that I'm resisting for some reason. And maybe I'm mad because I chose to take a scenic route not realizing what a treacherous path it would be. I've got rocks, no- boulders in every direction and I'm having to do a lot of exhausting climbing and maneuvering in order to stay on track. And quite honestly, I'm tired and just really ready to give up. I don't even want to look at the map anymore.....
And I'm alone. This isn't a road that anyone can take with me. I have to do it myself. I can't even take along a navigator. It's just me and my compass and I'm not liking where the compass is leading right now.
So I guess I do what any girl alone in the forest would do..... cry? pray? scream? Actually none of those are working for me either. I think I'm gonna just rest awhile - find something to nourish my soul and remember that even though there are easier paths, they don't always lead to glorious places. And what I seek now is something beyond beautiful.... something inspiring, something fulfilling and something that will stay with me forever.
The unanswered question is..... is it worth it? Is it worth it knowing I may never get there and actually may die trying? I think so. I think so because this is what living is. If you haven't experienced trials and come out victorious then you haven't really lived. The destination is important but it's how you get there that matters and if you always take the easy road, you miss many beautiful experiences along the way.
And now, maybe, those rocks and hard places are not so bad after all.....
But I'm not gonna lie.... sometimes life is just crap.
Sometimes we find ourselves right smack dab between a rock and hard place and there is just no reasonable way out of it.
Sometimes there is just no workable solution to our problem.
Sure - I can go to scripture and read some words of wisdom from Proverbs or find some comfort in a Psalm or two.... But yet when I try to apply them to life somehow it just doesn't seem to work. Why? Well because my idea of an answer just doesn't jive with someone else's idea of the answer. When I think that I have reached a new level of understanding, likely the person I have to deal with has come to think of the solution a completely different and incompatible way.
That's the beauty of free will my friends! I have to say I really question God on this ingenious gift He's given us. Oh - I get it.... He wants us to love Him because we choose to love Him not because He programmed that desire within us. But gosh darn it! It makes our whole existence full of utter turmoil....
I know this is not my normal kind of post but sometimes I just have to be real. I've hit a spot in my journey that I'm resisting for some reason. And maybe I'm mad because I chose to take a scenic route not realizing what a treacherous path it would be. I've got rocks, no- boulders in every direction and I'm having to do a lot of exhausting climbing and maneuvering in order to stay on track. And quite honestly, I'm tired and just really ready to give up. I don't even want to look at the map anymore.....
And I'm alone. This isn't a road that anyone can take with me. I have to do it myself. I can't even take along a navigator. It's just me and my compass and I'm not liking where the compass is leading right now.
So I guess I do what any girl alone in the forest would do..... cry? pray? scream? Actually none of those are working for me either. I think I'm gonna just rest awhile - find something to nourish my soul and remember that even though there are easier paths, they don't always lead to glorious places. And what I seek now is something beyond beautiful.... something inspiring, something fulfilling and something that will stay with me forever.
The unanswered question is..... is it worth it? Is it worth it knowing I may never get there and actually may die trying? I think so. I think so because this is what living is. If you haven't experienced trials and come out victorious then you haven't really lived. The destination is important but it's how you get there that matters and if you always take the easy road, you miss many beautiful experiences along the way.
And now, maybe, those rocks and hard places are not so bad after all.....
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Passionate Patience
Romans 5:3-5
3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
For some reason, I've had the passage Romans 5 in my head all day..... I had no idea what treasures were here and I had no idea really why God placed this chapter on my heart today. I just read it in entirety and for some reason keep coming back to the verses above.
For a fleeting thought such as this to stay with me through my morning workout with "Moves Like Jagger" playing in background, then through 180 phone calls at work and countless emails sent throughout the day and then even after talk at dinner with a friend and heavy topics in class at church tonight, I couldn't just let Romans 5 pass me by.
In the midst of my busyness today, I've had a sense of heavy burden....sadness that I'm struggling with. Maybe it's loneliness, maybe it's feeling overwhelmed - maybe it's just time for me to schedule some fun. Nevertheless, I needed the verses above and had I just taken a minute to read this earlier, my day might have had a different feel to it.
What I hear God telling me, gently reminding me again.... is that He is trying to give me His best. Even through my down days, even as I struggle. I love the part that says even our troubles develop "passionate patience" in us. Passionate? God knows I could use some passion in my life! Patience? - well, hurry up and show me what that means! Another translation calls it perseverance - I personally like the term passionate patience - it is especially meaningful to me when I am persistently awaiting what might be next in my journey.
But what about that "tempered steel of virtue"? Well, that my dear, is character. Our troubles teach us perseverance which builds character. Didn't I already have that before my world fell apart? I guess I needed a bit more character building - and if I'm honest, I'll have to agree. I wasn't myself before all this change took place and now I feel more free than ever to truly be me..... and I am a character indeed!!!
But the best part of all this is the last thing the verse promises. This character building causes us to be full of hope and in feeling full of hope, we'll never feel shortchanged! This is the remedy to the "grass is greener" syndrome to which almost all women are susceptible. I've heard the saying that if you think the grass is greener on the other side, then water your own lawn. There is some truth to that but sometimes you have no idea how to go about watering your lawn (especially if you've never done yard work in your life)! You can't water the lawn if you don't know how or are not permitted to learn.
Well I can honestly say that I'm learning a lot of new things lately - all because of the trials life has dealt me. There are many valuable lessons going on in my life - all of them developing my passionate patience, building my character, showing me hope and most important of all - ending my grass is greener syndrome. You truly never know what you have until its gone but you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize that there are always blessings in spite of whatever you're going through. It just may take a little time before it's obvious.
3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
For some reason, I've had the passage Romans 5 in my head all day..... I had no idea what treasures were here and I had no idea really why God placed this chapter on my heart today. I just read it in entirety and for some reason keep coming back to the verses above.
For a fleeting thought such as this to stay with me through my morning workout with "Moves Like Jagger" playing in background, then through 180 phone calls at work and countless emails sent throughout the day and then even after talk at dinner with a friend and heavy topics in class at church tonight, I couldn't just let Romans 5 pass me by.
In the midst of my busyness today, I've had a sense of heavy burden....sadness that I'm struggling with. Maybe it's loneliness, maybe it's feeling overwhelmed - maybe it's just time for me to schedule some fun. Nevertheless, I needed the verses above and had I just taken a minute to read this earlier, my day might have had a different feel to it.
What I hear God telling me, gently reminding me again.... is that He is trying to give me His best. Even through my down days, even as I struggle. I love the part that says even our troubles develop "passionate patience" in us. Passionate? God knows I could use some passion in my life! Patience? - well, hurry up and show me what that means! Another translation calls it perseverance - I personally like the term passionate patience - it is especially meaningful to me when I am persistently awaiting what might be next in my journey.
But what about that "tempered steel of virtue"? Well, that my dear, is character. Our troubles teach us perseverance which builds character. Didn't I already have that before my world fell apart? I guess I needed a bit more character building - and if I'm honest, I'll have to agree. I wasn't myself before all this change took place and now I feel more free than ever to truly be me..... and I am a character indeed!!!
But the best part of all this is the last thing the verse promises. This character building causes us to be full of hope and in feeling full of hope, we'll never feel shortchanged! This is the remedy to the "grass is greener" syndrome to which almost all women are susceptible. I've heard the saying that if you think the grass is greener on the other side, then water your own lawn. There is some truth to that but sometimes you have no idea how to go about watering your lawn (especially if you've never done yard work in your life)! You can't water the lawn if you don't know how or are not permitted to learn.
Well I can honestly say that I'm learning a lot of new things lately - all because of the trials life has dealt me. There are many valuable lessons going on in my life - all of them developing my passionate patience, building my character, showing me hope and most important of all - ending my grass is greener syndrome. You truly never know what you have until its gone but you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize that there are always blessings in spite of whatever you're going through. It just may take a little time before it's obvious.
Monday, March 5, 2012
complete?
I've been contemplating wholeness. And marriage. And just how those two concepts are supposed to merge. I look back over my life and notice a recurring pattern..... That there is always some hole in my heart that I'm trying to fill. Unfortunately, I've filled with all the wrong things.
Well..... mistakes are how we learn, right? I hate to say I live life by trial and error but that's kind of the way its been. There's no real excuse for this. The answer has always been here. And I've ignored it. I'm not feeling regret here - just a greater awareness of the cause and effect of my searching. I think searching is common - otherwise there would not be so many songs and so much poetry about it. The key to filling the hole is knowing who I am. The only way to know who I am is to consult the only One who has my owner's manual..... My maker. I'm finding out a lot about this chick named Amy. There's no reason she's not complete - it's all been pre-wired and she's ready to go!
Problem is, I've watched a few too many chick flicks and bought into one of the oldest lies in the book. Jerry Maguire even bought into it:
Jerry thought a woman could complete him. And I fell for that line as well..... No person can complete me - not one. No thing can complete me. No career, no personality trait, no stage in life will ever complete me. That comes from within and is given by the Holy Spirit when I seek Him.
And really..... would we want to complete another person? How could we if we are only half a person ourselves. When we think of becoming one in marriage, it would seem reasonable that two halves could make a whole - but in reality it just doesn't work that way. Why? Because each gender represents a part of God's likeness. He made humans in His likeness - male and female He created them. He wants us to embrace and develop who we are in Him before we can come together in unity with another. It takes a WHOLE woman and a WHOLE man to become ONE in the way God intended. Too many people don't understand this concept..... they believe that finding "the one" can make them whole. It's a fairy tale and it often has a tragic ending.
Women long to be pursued and men long to rescue but what both genders fail to realize is that those desires must be fulfilled within God's purpose. Women must realize that they ARE pursued - by the One who understands love far greater than any man. Men must realize that they were made to rescue but it's not the beauty they should be fighting for - it's the kingdom of Heaven. If two people who grasp these concepts come together as God intended - the power of them becoming One is unimaginable.
I'm a lot like Dorothy in the movie..... I could be had at "hello". But I realize that is when my holes are talking - wanting to be filled. That is when I look for my worth in men and that will always disappoint. Thankfully the words to so many sappy love songs I enjoy pertain more to the way God feels about me than the way any man does. Lionel Richie said it best when he sang Hello -
Hello! Is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
Because you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much I love you
God pursues us. God fights for us. And if we'll let Him, He will have us at "Hello".
Well..... mistakes are how we learn, right? I hate to say I live life by trial and error but that's kind of the way its been. There's no real excuse for this. The answer has always been here. And I've ignored it. I'm not feeling regret here - just a greater awareness of the cause and effect of my searching. I think searching is common - otherwise there would not be so many songs and so much poetry about it. The key to filling the hole is knowing who I am. The only way to know who I am is to consult the only One who has my owner's manual..... My maker. I'm finding out a lot about this chick named Amy. There's no reason she's not complete - it's all been pre-wired and she's ready to go!
Problem is, I've watched a few too many chick flicks and bought into one of the oldest lies in the book. Jerry Maguire even bought into it:
Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise)
I love you. You complete me.
Dorothy (Renée Zellweger)
Shut up ... just shut up. You had me at hello. Jerry thought a woman could complete him. And I fell for that line as well..... No person can complete me - not one. No thing can complete me. No career, no personality trait, no stage in life will ever complete me. That comes from within and is given by the Holy Spirit when I seek Him.
And really..... would we want to complete another person? How could we if we are only half a person ourselves. When we think of becoming one in marriage, it would seem reasonable that two halves could make a whole - but in reality it just doesn't work that way. Why? Because each gender represents a part of God's likeness. He made humans in His likeness - male and female He created them. He wants us to embrace and develop who we are in Him before we can come together in unity with another. It takes a WHOLE woman and a WHOLE man to become ONE in the way God intended. Too many people don't understand this concept..... they believe that finding "the one" can make them whole. It's a fairy tale and it often has a tragic ending.
Women long to be pursued and men long to rescue but what both genders fail to realize is that those desires must be fulfilled within God's purpose. Women must realize that they ARE pursued - by the One who understands love far greater than any man. Men must realize that they were made to rescue but it's not the beauty they should be fighting for - it's the kingdom of Heaven. If two people who grasp these concepts come together as God intended - the power of them becoming One is unimaginable.
I'm a lot like Dorothy in the movie..... I could be had at "hello". But I realize that is when my holes are talking - wanting to be filled. That is when I look for my worth in men and that will always disappoint. Thankfully the words to so many sappy love songs I enjoy pertain more to the way God feels about me than the way any man does. Lionel Richie said it best when he sang Hello -
Hello! Is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
Because you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much I love you
God pursues us. God fights for us. And if we'll let Him, He will have us at "Hello".
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Firework!
Early morning walks in the brisk cool air leave me feeling energized and alive. This little venture I'm on is taking hold like a very powerful addiction. This time I believe the addiction just may be healthy. I realize what the physical activity does for my heart....physically. But I never realized just what it might do to my heart....emotionally.
My heart has been in healing mode and I've chosen to hit it with the most powerful medication I know.....time with God. He is teaching me so much every day and strengthening me beyond what I ever thought possible. I never knew that I could crave Him! I craved everything else under the sun never understanding that what I really craved WAS the SON :) :) :)
I like to listen to pump me up tunes in the morning when I walk and unfortunately there are not many christian tunes that have an aerobic beat soooooo....... yep - I got the secular tunes going. I like a little Maroon 5, Pink and Katy Perry. I'm sure I'll add more as I go but for now those are the main 3 on my playlist. My absolute favorite which I end with each day is Firework by Katy Perry. The message is powerful and it speaks to me right now so I'll post below. I am God's firework :)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough
My heart has been in healing mode and I've chosen to hit it with the most powerful medication I know.....time with God. He is teaching me so much every day and strengthening me beyond what I ever thought possible. I never knew that I could crave Him! I craved everything else under the sun never understanding that what I really craved WAS the SON :) :) :)
I like to listen to pump me up tunes in the morning when I walk and unfortunately there are not many christian tunes that have an aerobic beat soooooo....... yep - I got the secular tunes going. I like a little Maroon 5, Pink and Katy Perry. I'm sure I'll add more as I go but for now those are the main 3 on my playlist. My absolute favorite which I end with each day is Firework by Katy Perry. The message is powerful and it speaks to me right now so I'll post below. I am God's firework :)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough
Monday, February 27, 2012
Who gets me?
I'm still pondering the mysterious ways that God works in our lives. More often than not, He works behind the scenes and we never even realize what's going on....... until much later when He chooses to reveal it to us. He works in the hearts of those who love us, who pray for us and who may not even tell us that they do this. He works in our hearts and sometimes through our emotions - creates desires in us that we would have never expected had we been living for ourselves. He also works in our times of discontent and stirs within us a desire for change even when we have no idea what that change needs to be. Sometimes He even works in us through our sin and our mistakes and shows us how to learn from them..... if we seek Him and let Him. And often even when we aren't seeking Him or asking Him - He is still doing His thing....working with patience, hoping, pursuing, wooing us. He desires us, longs for us and craves our attention.
I don't understand what God is doing in my life right now. He is being mysterious and asking me to trust.... I am often embarrassed at my situation - that I'm divorced, that I can't stay organized, that I'm wishy washy at times and that I lack confidence in certain situations. I often still feel like a little girl seeking approval and very much NOT the mature, insightful woman I'd like to be. I often feel like no one understands me or could comprehend what my mind goes through each day or even worse - that others judge me and see only my flaws. And reality is - all of that IS happening! Some misunderstand, some judge, some feel sorry for me - that's just how we are built as humans. We are emotional and even when that emotion doesn't make sense God still uses it. God gets me. God wants to use me. God wants me to not ask why or how or especially what will anyone else think. So.... even I don't need to "get it". He doesn't ask for me to understand, He just asks for me to obey.
So I continue my journey and I walk even further into the wilderness. The season of Lent is upon us and this year I am walking. I'm also giving up something important which I may write about at a later date but I'm adding in something new and devoting time to walk. Sounds pretty elementary and I don't understand it just yet - but God asked me to walk - with Him - and with my son Drew and sometimes with friends. I believe that by Easter He will help me understand how this walking is going to build me spiritually. Jesus went to the wilderness to find out who He is as He relates to God. Maybe that's what God is doing with me as well.
Who is Amy? I lost her for a long time but with each step, I begin to see her again. This time without rose colored glasses or behind smoke and mirrors. This time - with a little of my maker's view. Who gets me better than the one who made me? He is the only source we need to find ourselves.
Phillipians 1:6 - There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.
I don't understand what God is doing in my life right now. He is being mysterious and asking me to trust.... I am often embarrassed at my situation - that I'm divorced, that I can't stay organized, that I'm wishy washy at times and that I lack confidence in certain situations. I often still feel like a little girl seeking approval and very much NOT the mature, insightful woman I'd like to be. I often feel like no one understands me or could comprehend what my mind goes through each day or even worse - that others judge me and see only my flaws. And reality is - all of that IS happening! Some misunderstand, some judge, some feel sorry for me - that's just how we are built as humans. We are emotional and even when that emotion doesn't make sense God still uses it. God gets me. God wants to use me. God wants me to not ask why or how or especially what will anyone else think. So.... even I don't need to "get it". He doesn't ask for me to understand, He just asks for me to obey.
So I continue my journey and I walk even further into the wilderness. The season of Lent is upon us and this year I am walking. I'm also giving up something important which I may write about at a later date but I'm adding in something new and devoting time to walk. Sounds pretty elementary and I don't understand it just yet - but God asked me to walk - with Him - and with my son Drew and sometimes with friends. I believe that by Easter He will help me understand how this walking is going to build me spiritually. Jesus went to the wilderness to find out who He is as He relates to God. Maybe that's what God is doing with me as well.
Who is Amy? I lost her for a long time but with each step, I begin to see her again. This time without rose colored glasses or behind smoke and mirrors. This time - with a little of my maker's view. Who gets me better than the one who made me? He is the only source we need to find ourselves.
Phillipians 1:6 - There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The Best for Last
I've always been a big believer in finishing strong. I often have a little difficulty getting started or even staying engaged in a project or goal but when I become committed to something and see it through to the end, the result is a quality completion. Somewhere in the midst of a project, I become more and more enamored with the goal and begin to put more of myself into it. It requires great focus and drive to get me to this point otherwise distraction and discouragement get the best of me and I lose sight of the commitment.
Another blog I read this morning turned me on to the story of Jesus turning water into wine. I had to read this a couple of times...... God was telling me something but it was a little different spin on the main point of the blog. I had to go straight to the scripture and focus so that I could interpret just what He wanted me to take to heart. How many times have I read this very story and not thought a thing about it? But today was time! Today the message was for me. I marvel at how scripture works this way!
I am 40. I love being 40. Why? It seems like a new beginning in a way. I have lived about half my life already. The first 20 years turning into an adult. The last 20 years learning how to be an adult. There have been many bumps and bruises along the way and I've had great difficulty getting started and staying engaged. Honestly, I've had trouble even establishing a goal. But something about turning 40 has inspired me. I feel that I'm just getting turned on to what life is really about and I feel like I'm on to something. I'm excited about it! For the first time ever, I feel like I have a clean slate and I can start over - this time with focus and purpose.
Just like in the story (John 2) I was running out of wine. I was too busy enjoying the party to really even notice. But someone was Mary for me - I have no idea whom (and this may have been several people). This "Mary" went to Jesus for me and let him know...... that girl over there is so busy with the party she doesn't even know she is running out of wine. Jesus told her it wasn't time. But Mary knew that Jesus would not ignore her plea. When He was ready, He told His servants what to do. These servants who care so deeply about me and about this party of life - went and filled the jars with water - plain old water. I'm sure they had no idea why - why would he want to fill with water? And even when He told them to take the pitcher to the host they may have thought Him crazy. What good will that do to give the host water? But our Lord works in mysterious ways - sometimes with plain old water. When the host tasted the water he replied as below:
9-10When the host tasted the water that had become wine (he didn't know what had just happened but the servants, of course, knew), he called out to the bridegroom, "Everybody I know begins with their finest wines and after the guests have had their fill brings in the cheap stuff. But you've saved the best till now!"
I am beginning to taste the wine in my life. And it is so much sweeter now! I have spent my earlier years being wrapped up in the party and then questioning the water I've been provided - never realizing that my Lord knew what He was doing all along. I didn't even have faith enough to see it. This came from the Mary in my life and the servants who obeyed! Now I see! He has saved the best for last and this is all I needed to keep on working for the prize and finish strong. This is just one more way He loves us and with just enough mystery to keep us intrigued.
Another blog I read this morning turned me on to the story of Jesus turning water into wine. I had to read this a couple of times...... God was telling me something but it was a little different spin on the main point of the blog. I had to go straight to the scripture and focus so that I could interpret just what He wanted me to take to heart. How many times have I read this very story and not thought a thing about it? But today was time! Today the message was for me. I marvel at how scripture works this way!
I am 40. I love being 40. Why? It seems like a new beginning in a way. I have lived about half my life already. The first 20 years turning into an adult. The last 20 years learning how to be an adult. There have been many bumps and bruises along the way and I've had great difficulty getting started and staying engaged. Honestly, I've had trouble even establishing a goal. But something about turning 40 has inspired me. I feel that I'm just getting turned on to what life is really about and I feel like I'm on to something. I'm excited about it! For the first time ever, I feel like I have a clean slate and I can start over - this time with focus and purpose.
Just like in the story (John 2) I was running out of wine. I was too busy enjoying the party to really even notice. But someone was Mary for me - I have no idea whom (and this may have been several people). This "Mary" went to Jesus for me and let him know...... that girl over there is so busy with the party she doesn't even know she is running out of wine. Jesus told her it wasn't time. But Mary knew that Jesus would not ignore her plea. When He was ready, He told His servants what to do. These servants who care so deeply about me and about this party of life - went and filled the jars with water - plain old water. I'm sure they had no idea why - why would he want to fill with water? And even when He told them to take the pitcher to the host they may have thought Him crazy. What good will that do to give the host water? But our Lord works in mysterious ways - sometimes with plain old water. When the host tasted the water he replied as below:
9-10When the host tasted the water that had become wine (he didn't know what had just happened but the servants, of course, knew), he called out to the bridegroom, "Everybody I know begins with their finest wines and after the guests have had their fill brings in the cheap stuff. But you've saved the best till now!"
I am beginning to taste the wine in my life. And it is so much sweeter now! I have spent my earlier years being wrapped up in the party and then questioning the water I've been provided - never realizing that my Lord knew what He was doing all along. I didn't even have faith enough to see it. This came from the Mary in my life and the servants who obeyed! Now I see! He has saved the best for last and this is all I needed to keep on working for the prize and finish strong. This is just one more way He loves us and with just enough mystery to keep us intrigued.
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