So I had a moment of frustration yesterday and was brought back to reality by a sweet friend. I'm not here to retract my statements necessarily but maybe more so to clarify.
I had challenged my male readers to be strong and ahem, "Grow a pair" - but I did not clarify what I mean by that. Yes - every woman wants to be sought after and fought for. We love to be rescued and feel the arms of security in our lives. But more than that we want our men to relate to us - to understand - to share their hopes, dreams, concerns. We want them to be REAL and to show us their true authentic self. We don't want the masks, the persona, the ego trip most men reveal to us. We want to feel safe enough with them to be able to be naked - and I don't mean physically. We want transparency. It's easy for us when we trust someone - but we want it to go both ways. In order for this to happen, men need to have the courage to show us their realness - their flaws, their fears....... their heart.
I have learned that this is a rare event for a man to share his soul. It is difficult enough for them with other men but maybe even more terrifying with a woman. I wish that somehow I could communicate to them all how important this is for true intimacy.
So when I say "Step Up", I'm really asking you men to open up. Don't be afraid to be real with the women in your life. I promise we are much less critical than you might guess. Why? Because we are flawed and insecure as well - and just as I felt better knowing that Eve was not alone in her sin, the same principal applies to my messy inner self. I just want to be able to share that with someone who also has his flaws. I want to help him be a better man and receive help from him to be a better woman. Isn't that the whole point of relationships anyway? Isn't this why it wasn't good for man to be alone?
Adam didn't ask for Eve. He didn't even know he wanted her. One more example of how God knows our needs and wants even better than we know them ourselves.
The next time someone mentions courage, know that in a woman's eye it does not necessarily mean your ability to protect her or fight off enemies. It means she wants you to show confidence enough in your true authentic self that you have no problem letting her see you "naked" and unashamed.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Cowards.
Not sure where to begin on this exactly. I have some new thoughts to process.
Do you know where Adam was when Eve was being tempted by the serpent? The Bible indicates he was right there with her..... not just with her but CLOSE - like shoulder to shoulder - when all this was happening. Yet obviously he was silent. He did not speak up. He did not try to stop her. Why? Was he afraid? Was he as fascinated as Eve? Was he just letting her lead? OR was he afraid she would be mad at him if he stood up for what was right?
Learning this really has my mind spinning. I've known for a long time that men and women think in entirely different ways on just about everything. And I - even though Eve's sin was waaaaay before my time - have carried guilt about being a woman, a control freak, a manipulator just like Eve. Oh of course, I've accepted God's grace in my life and I know I really don't have to carry that guilt but knowing that Adam was right there and didn't stop her eases my pain a bit. I mean, in my mind, he is every bit as wrong! HE DID NOT FIGHT FOR HER PURITY!
Isn't that what being a man is all about? Aren't men supposed to watch out for us and protect us - even from ourselves at times? Aren't they wired for the fight - and highly competitive? Or..... are they really just big cowards? WHY IS IT THAT WHEN THE PRESSURE IS ON THEY CAVE OR REFUSE TO STEP UP?
Sorry that I'm yelling..... I'm feeling very let down but yet at the same time vindicated. I don't own 100% of my mistakes when there was a man present watching me fall. Yes - absolutely - I own my part and I did play a very big selfish part BUT I feel free from the burden of shame because I was not alone in my errors.
And then at the same time, I feel silly that this even matters. The only thing that should matter is that God's grace is sufficient. But somehow - it makes me feel a great sigh of relief knowing that I was not alone in my misunderstandings or misinterpretations of how life was supposed to be.
It is going forward that I can begin to live a life brand new - without hiding from God (like Adam and Eve both did after they ate the fruit). When God seeks me I can step out, unashamed and be present where He wants me. My confidence is being renewed and I get stronger each day that my relationship with Him is strengthened. I feel powerful and strong.
And for the men out there that aren't stepping up, aren't fighting for their women, aren't being the men they were created to be - I feel sorrow and compassion. If anyone can relate to feeling inadequate that would be me. It would be easy to point the finger and place blame - but that certainly won't help them become the men that God intended. Every ounce of me wants to yell at them - GROW A PAIR, but..... then I remember the way I failed my man, my children, my friends and family - and I'm humbled. I see that these men have to take their hurts, disappointments, and insecurities to God just like I did. And I pray for them. I love them. And hope the confusion and inner conflict will be healed one day. Be strong my sweet men !!!
Psalm 62:11
God said this once and for all; how many times Have I heard it repeated? "Strength comes Straight from God."
Do you know where Adam was when Eve was being tempted by the serpent? The Bible indicates he was right there with her..... not just with her but CLOSE - like shoulder to shoulder - when all this was happening. Yet obviously he was silent. He did not speak up. He did not try to stop her. Why? Was he afraid? Was he as fascinated as Eve? Was he just letting her lead? OR was he afraid she would be mad at him if he stood up for what was right?
Learning this really has my mind spinning. I've known for a long time that men and women think in entirely different ways on just about everything. And I - even though Eve's sin was waaaaay before my time - have carried guilt about being a woman, a control freak, a manipulator just like Eve. Oh of course, I've accepted God's grace in my life and I know I really don't have to carry that guilt but knowing that Adam was right there and didn't stop her eases my pain a bit. I mean, in my mind, he is every bit as wrong! HE DID NOT FIGHT FOR HER PURITY!
Isn't that what being a man is all about? Aren't men supposed to watch out for us and protect us - even from ourselves at times? Aren't they wired for the fight - and highly competitive? Or..... are they really just big cowards? WHY IS IT THAT WHEN THE PRESSURE IS ON THEY CAVE OR REFUSE TO STEP UP?
Sorry that I'm yelling..... I'm feeling very let down but yet at the same time vindicated. I don't own 100% of my mistakes when there was a man present watching me fall. Yes - absolutely - I own my part and I did play a very big selfish part BUT I feel free from the burden of shame because I was not alone in my errors.
And then at the same time, I feel silly that this even matters. The only thing that should matter is that God's grace is sufficient. But somehow - it makes me feel a great sigh of relief knowing that I was not alone in my misunderstandings or misinterpretations of how life was supposed to be.
It is going forward that I can begin to live a life brand new - without hiding from God (like Adam and Eve both did after they ate the fruit). When God seeks me I can step out, unashamed and be present where He wants me. My confidence is being renewed and I get stronger each day that my relationship with Him is strengthened. I feel powerful and strong.
And for the men out there that aren't stepping up, aren't fighting for their women, aren't being the men they were created to be - I feel sorrow and compassion. If anyone can relate to feeling inadequate that would be me. It would be easy to point the finger and place blame - but that certainly won't help them become the men that God intended. Every ounce of me wants to yell at them - GROW A PAIR, but..... then I remember the way I failed my man, my children, my friends and family - and I'm humbled. I see that these men have to take their hurts, disappointments, and insecurities to God just like I did. And I pray for them. I love them. And hope the confusion and inner conflict will be healed one day. Be strong my sweet men !!!
Psalm 62:11
God said this once and for all; how many times Have I heard it repeated? "Strength comes Straight from God."
Monday, February 6, 2012
Divorce is War.
I have an uncle that says "divorce is war." That statement certainly seems accurate in most cases - and even in my own case at times. But war is funny. Many times the soldiers that are sent out to fight end up feeling compassion for their enemies and begin trying to help them. They also may begin to question the war and experience conflicting emotion about it. Once they get into the thick of the battle, they begin to see where the US might have gone wrong and may even notice potential fixes to some of the problems. But more so, they mourn over the loss of the relationship that was formerly congenial or the possibility of it being congenial in the future.
War is gruesome and messy and heartless. It mars and maims the participants forever - not just the soldiers but the innocent bystanders as well. War is intentional. It involves one country trying to maintain control of a situation. It's necessary in some cases but not necessary in many others.
War forgets about love.
I have been given a new challenge. It's not about war. It's about love. I am going to try a different spin on the circumstance of divorce in my life. I don't want to go to war even though its a natural tendency and first reaction. No - even though it won't change my circumstance - I'm going to choose love, not war. I'm tired of anger and hatred. The situation I'm in will not be changed by either of those and will only be worsened until they are the only option. Nope - I'm going to love my enemy. Does that mean to pine for him and want him back? No. It simply means that I respect him and seek the best for him - even though it doesn't include me.
I will pray for my opponent - for his direction and leadership. I will pray for common goals. I may not talk to him daily or spend time with him but I will be pleasant and upbeat and try to encourage him when the opportunity arises. I may not be his #1 ally but I can be an ally nonetheless. Peace requires assertive discipline. I won't be taken advantage of but I don't have to attack either. The only way to love is to love self first and then others. It's when I begin to doubt self that I begin to get combative. There is no reason for this doubt - it's pointless and I'm secure no matter what life deals. I often think love is not enough but that's wrong. If we follow the model Christ gave us, love IS enough and it IS the answer.
As a soldier in this battle called life, I can be loyal to the cause but still love my opponent. It's not the easy way to move forward, but in my mind it's the only way.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
I Corinthians 13:3-7
Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly . I Corinthians 13:13.
War is gruesome and messy and heartless. It mars and maims the participants forever - not just the soldiers but the innocent bystanders as well. War is intentional. It involves one country trying to maintain control of a situation. It's necessary in some cases but not necessary in many others.
War forgets about love.
I have been given a new challenge. It's not about war. It's about love. I am going to try a different spin on the circumstance of divorce in my life. I don't want to go to war even though its a natural tendency and first reaction. No - even though it won't change my circumstance - I'm going to choose love, not war. I'm tired of anger and hatred. The situation I'm in will not be changed by either of those and will only be worsened until they are the only option. Nope - I'm going to love my enemy. Does that mean to pine for him and want him back? No. It simply means that I respect him and seek the best for him - even though it doesn't include me.
I will pray for my opponent - for his direction and leadership. I will pray for common goals. I may not talk to him daily or spend time with him but I will be pleasant and upbeat and try to encourage him when the opportunity arises. I may not be his #1 ally but I can be an ally nonetheless. Peace requires assertive discipline. I won't be taken advantage of but I don't have to attack either. The only way to love is to love self first and then others. It's when I begin to doubt self that I begin to get combative. There is no reason for this doubt - it's pointless and I'm secure no matter what life deals. I often think love is not enough but that's wrong. If we follow the model Christ gave us, love IS enough and it IS the answer.
As a soldier in this battle called life, I can be loyal to the cause but still love my opponent. It's not the easy way to move forward, but in my mind it's the only way.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
I Corinthians 13:3-7
Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly . I Corinthians 13:13.
What I want
Because my life has taken the route of single living, I have been redirecting my thoughts to me, myself and I. For the first time maybe ever - this is my life and I am the pilot. I can go this direction or the other depending on my own whim at the given moment. I can eat dinner or not eat dinner. I can arrange my furniture the way I want, paint the walls any color I want, go to bed whenever I want, etc, etc. At first this was uncomfortable for me. It's my nature to defer to others. However, I have begun settling in to this new way of thinking lately and letting it take hold. Problem is, there are always consequences to selfish living. There is a risk that you become all about me, myself and I - forever.
I don't want to be that girl. Never have. Why? Because I'm fickle. What I want one day will be entirely different the next. I don't want to live strictly for me - that's shallow and empty. I want to live for others, for my children, for someone special. That is how the holes in my heart get filled. Thing is, I can't effectively live for others without God's direction in my life. I can't have a heart full of love without Him. I can continue serving others and filling this hole or that, but it's not until I really defer to God that all those holes will fill. When that happens, it won't matter if this person accepts me or rejects me. I'll be able to love him not only out of sheer will or desire but because my heart is full with God's love.
So yes - during this time that I am single, my life is all about me. But I can't be the true me without doing what God would have me do. I can't listen to my mother or my friend or even my counselor because they all have a different opinion of who to love or not love. None of them have the answer. Even I don't have the answer yet. All I know is that I trust my God. He wants the best for me. And if I keep doing that, eventually the human side of that will take shape and the answer will become clear.
This morning as I drove to work I got behind a slow car and began to get irritated. As I sped around them, I shot a look over and my heart softened. It was an elderly man in a cowboy hat driving his sweet little elderly wife to the doctor, or to see the grandkids, or just somewhere special that day - who knows? All I know is that I teared up a little. I want someone driving me to the doctor, or to see my grandkids, or just somewhere special. I don't want to be the one driving myself. But God patted me on the head and told me not to worry. He's got me covered. Whether I actually have that sweet little elderly man in my life one day or not, God's driving and he'll get me where I need to go.
I don't want to be that girl. Never have. Why? Because I'm fickle. What I want one day will be entirely different the next. I don't want to live strictly for me - that's shallow and empty. I want to live for others, for my children, for someone special. That is how the holes in my heart get filled. Thing is, I can't effectively live for others without God's direction in my life. I can't have a heart full of love without Him. I can continue serving others and filling this hole or that, but it's not until I really defer to God that all those holes will fill. When that happens, it won't matter if this person accepts me or rejects me. I'll be able to love him not only out of sheer will or desire but because my heart is full with God's love.
So yes - during this time that I am single, my life is all about me. But I can't be the true me without doing what God would have me do. I can't listen to my mother or my friend or even my counselor because they all have a different opinion of who to love or not love. None of them have the answer. Even I don't have the answer yet. All I know is that I trust my God. He wants the best for me. And if I keep doing that, eventually the human side of that will take shape and the answer will become clear.
This morning as I drove to work I got behind a slow car and began to get irritated. As I sped around them, I shot a look over and my heart softened. It was an elderly man in a cowboy hat driving his sweet little elderly wife to the doctor, or to see the grandkids, or just somewhere special that day - who knows? All I know is that I teared up a little. I want someone driving me to the doctor, or to see my grandkids, or just somewhere special. I don't want to be the one driving myself. But God patted me on the head and told me not to worry. He's got me covered. Whether I actually have that sweet little elderly man in my life one day or not, God's driving and he'll get me where I need to go.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Reality
I've tried so hard to be upbeat and positive in spite of my circumstances through last year and for the most part I've succeeded but I feel the need to share that I have my moments..... moments of fleshy weakness where I just let it all out - or want to but don't, which is worse. Transparency is becoming easier with each new day and so is independency BUT honestly, sometimes I just lose sight of the goal. All my blogs are an attempt to work out my feelings in the most diplomatic way possible (since this is public, I must use a filter) but they also serve as a means for me to find my own life lesson in joy, sorrow, frustration, etc. Usually that comes to me in the form of a Bible verse which I can tie in somehow. Sorry to say, tonight I just don't have that in me.
This week leaves me drained - physically, spiritually and emotionally. I dealt with a lot of disappointments but also a few really great highlights! I don't want this to sound like Debbie Downerism at all - just want to be real. I think it is the hills and valleys that did me in this week - there was no middle ground. Something was either really great or really not and it's leaving my stomach in knots again. I guess I am worrying and I need to quit. The important thing is that hope has not left me. Hope may have changed my viewpoints a bit, but its not gone and I need to reiterate to myself again that God's got this, God's got me - even when I'm less than enthusiastic about it. I am right where He wants me at this given time.
The changes in my job will work out just fine.
The mistake in my checkbook will make me more careful.
Strained relationships will take care of themselves.
New friendships are a wonderful blessing!
I've got the greatest children on earth and they are healthy and happy!
I want for nothing, have more than I need and my wealth is in people that I love and love me back.
That's reality. When put that way, reality looks pretty darn good.
This week leaves me drained - physically, spiritually and emotionally. I dealt with a lot of disappointments but also a few really great highlights! I don't want this to sound like Debbie Downerism at all - just want to be real. I think it is the hills and valleys that did me in this week - there was no middle ground. Something was either really great or really not and it's leaving my stomach in knots again. I guess I am worrying and I need to quit. The important thing is that hope has not left me. Hope may have changed my viewpoints a bit, but its not gone and I need to reiterate to myself again that God's got this, God's got me - even when I'm less than enthusiastic about it. I am right where He wants me at this given time.
The changes in my job will work out just fine.
The mistake in my checkbook will make me more careful.
Strained relationships will take care of themselves.
New friendships are a wonderful blessing!
I've got the greatest children on earth and they are healthy and happy!
I want for nothing, have more than I need and my wealth is in people that I love and love me back.
That's reality. When put that way, reality looks pretty darn good.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Pursuit
So yes - I'm sort of taking this from another blog I read this morning but only because it fit so appropriately with what I am going through now. I have been a bit bummed by the fact that I am not being pursued. The thrill of the hunt is powerful - but maybe more so when you are the one who is hunted. What woman doesn't want to be wanted? Above all, I think this may be our innermost desire. We need to be needed. We want to be the "go-to girl" - it works this way with our friends but more so our mates.
However - what I didn't see is that I indeed AM being pursued! Just as God has become THAT GUY for me, I am THAT GIRL for Him. I don't need the call or attention of a man to feel value. I don't need to be bummed by indecision or inability to commit. I have a lover who woos me - intently - and ultimately I am His bride first. Once I fully am able to understand and embrace that, perhaps He will provide to me an earthly companion - but once again He teaches me that He is the ultimate soul mate. I can't help but fall in love with Him - he constantly romances me and shows me how precious I am.
I know He has a plan and purpose for my life and for His greater glory. I trust Him like I trust no other. This storm I'm going through has a purpose and He is calming ME instead of the storm. This morning it was clear.... I am His.
My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me” (Song of Songs 2:10, NIV)
However - what I didn't see is that I indeed AM being pursued! Just as God has become THAT GUY for me, I am THAT GIRL for Him. I don't need the call or attention of a man to feel value. I don't need to be bummed by indecision or inability to commit. I have a lover who woos me - intently - and ultimately I am His bride first. Once I fully am able to understand and embrace that, perhaps He will provide to me an earthly companion - but once again He teaches me that He is the ultimate soul mate. I can't help but fall in love with Him - he constantly romances me and shows me how precious I am.
I know He has a plan and purpose for my life and for His greater glory. I trust Him like I trust no other. This storm I'm going through has a purpose and He is calming ME instead of the storm. This morning it was clear.... I am His.
My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me” (Song of Songs 2:10, NIV)
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