Why do bad things happen to good people? This has been asked by all and is one I'm sure God gets tired of us asking. It's almost like the cries of our impatient children when we are on road trip - "Are we there yet?" Just like the parent who is driving knows his destination, God knows why. Just as the child needs to trust the parent to get them there in time, we should trust God's reason is valid. We don't need to know why, we just need to trust in Him.
Easy to say, not so easy to do. When hard times hit, we never understand why. Sometimes we never get to know why. But often, over time, God reveals to us ways to learn from the tragedy we've faced or brings to light good things that have come from it. Job 12:13 says "True wisdom and real power belong to God; from Him we learn how to live and also what to live for."
I know that when I am upset or hurting over something in my life, I often act out in ways I should not. It's easy to try to blame God or someone else for our pain. It's natural to play the victim and feel abandoned. Even Job, who was considered a good man began to feel sorry for himself and felt like God had left him. And Job had friends who had no idea how to comfort or give Godly perspective. They fueled his fire. But there was one friend who gently reminded Job of God's incomprehensible power and purpose. Then Job realized where he had gone wrong in his suffering and confessed. God forgave of course, but He also provided. When Job finally humbled himself enough to rest in divine peace, God began to bless him again. God restored his wealth and family to prosperity like he had never known before.
No matter whether our bad things that happen are small or whether they are bigger than mountains, God understands our pain and knows we will act out. He expects it. But He also provides opportunities for us to recognize what we are doing and run back to Him. When we do that and give Him our pain and struggle, He uses our experience to shape and mold us and those around us according to His plan and purpose. We don't know His plans but if we trust Him, He will richly bless our lives.
So,difficult as it may be, I am choosing to be thankful for my times of adversity. This is what is shaping me into the person God wants me to be. It's more difficult when I see my loved ones go through strife, but I hope that I can be the friend who encourages and gently reminds of God's ever loving power. I *do* trust Him.... He is always there and always ready to catch me when I fall.
"Do you have any idea how powerful God is? Have you ever heard of a teacher like him? Has anyone ever had to tell him what to do, or correct him, saying, 'You did that all wrong!'? Remember, then, to praise his workmanship, which is so often celebrated in song. http://bible.us/Job36.22.MSG
Friday, July 29, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Weak
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness ~2 Corinthians 12:9a
Weakness comes in many forms. We have weak bodies, weak minds, moments of weakness, weak attitudes, weak paychecks....and the list goes on. It is generally seen as a negative. Nobody wants to appear weak. We are often told "Be strong" - but really... is that really what we want? I know many fake it. Fake it till you make it. But I think I'm having none of that. I can't fake it any more and I don't want to. I want reality and I want it even if it slaps me around sometimes.
If the above verse is as it reads.... we experience God's power when we are weak. When you think of all the miracles Jesus performed, that kinda backs up the verse. The disciples witnessed God's power, yes but only when they were weak did they experience it. Those who experienced it were the ones who were formerly weak - the blind, the ill, the lame, the poor and the ones like me with personal demons that haunted them. We may not see God's power in front of our eyes today as we did in Bible stories, but it is still alive and well. It is in the gift of His grace. That gift is there - beautifully wrapped and waiting for us to open and receive. We don't really even have to ask, just accept.
Micca Campbell said it well when she said this:
The world's philosophy says what can't be cured must be endured. But actually what can't be cured makes us dependent on the power of God. In that dependency His power is given and we are made strong. I've come to learn this truth myself. God doesn't always remove me from my painful circumstances, but He supports me in them. This strengthens me like none other.
So for now, I choose weakness. I can't fake it anyway and I'd much rather gain strength in God rather than doing it all myself. He wants to carry my burdens for me. I think I will let Him do that until He gives me the strength to bear them myself.
Weakness comes in many forms. We have weak bodies, weak minds, moments of weakness, weak attitudes, weak paychecks....and the list goes on. It is generally seen as a negative. Nobody wants to appear weak. We are often told "Be strong" - but really... is that really what we want? I know many fake it. Fake it till you make it. But I think I'm having none of that. I can't fake it any more and I don't want to. I want reality and I want it even if it slaps me around sometimes.
If the above verse is as it reads.... we experience God's power when we are weak. When you think of all the miracles Jesus performed, that kinda backs up the verse. The disciples witnessed God's power, yes but only when they were weak did they experience it. Those who experienced it were the ones who were formerly weak - the blind, the ill, the lame, the poor and the ones like me with personal demons that haunted them. We may not see God's power in front of our eyes today as we did in Bible stories, but it is still alive and well. It is in the gift of His grace. That gift is there - beautifully wrapped and waiting for us to open and receive. We don't really even have to ask, just accept.
Micca Campbell said it well when she said this:
The world's philosophy says what can't be cured must be endured. But actually what can't be cured makes us dependent on the power of God. In that dependency His power is given and we are made strong. I've come to learn this truth myself. God doesn't always remove me from my painful circumstances, but He supports me in them. This strengthens me like none other.
So for now, I choose weakness. I can't fake it anyway and I'd much rather gain strength in God rather than doing it all myself. He wants to carry my burdens for me. I think I will let Him do that until He gives me the strength to bear them myself.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tears from Heaven
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
they'll complete the assignment I gave them. (Isaiah 55:10-11)
Last summer I had two flower pots by my front door filled with the most beautiful, vibrant red geraniums. They were dutifully watered and cared for but still began to wilt and lose color. Upon further inspection I began to realize the pots did not have holes so the water could leak out. I loved the pots and did not want to have to replant the flowers so holes were drilled into the bottom so the excess could drain away. It was only a few days before the flowers perked up and regained their vibrant hue once more.
After thinking about this and reading the scripture above, I have begun to realize that I was filling up with water and had no holes for far too long. God loves the vessel that is me and has a purpose for me right where I am. He saw me wilting and losing my color, so I think he placed this huge hole in my heart so that the excess fluid would drain away. That is where I am now. I don't think I have ever cried as much as I have the last few weeks of my life. I'm still in the draining process. My tears are to my soul as the rain from heaven is to the earth. My tears are helping me grow and blossom, producing seeds of experience providing the food of wisdom for those I may interact with in the future. Just as God has a purpose for the rain, He has a purpose for these tears.
I long to have the full, rich, vibrant blooms of a healthy flower. So for now, I will embrace these tears and trust God to drain the unhealthy buildup out of my heart.
and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
they'll complete the assignment I gave them. (Isaiah 55:10-11)
Last summer I had two flower pots by my front door filled with the most beautiful, vibrant red geraniums. They were dutifully watered and cared for but still began to wilt and lose color. Upon further inspection I began to realize the pots did not have holes so the water could leak out. I loved the pots and did not want to have to replant the flowers so holes were drilled into the bottom so the excess could drain away. It was only a few days before the flowers perked up and regained their vibrant hue once more.
After thinking about this and reading the scripture above, I have begun to realize that I was filling up with water and had no holes for far too long. God loves the vessel that is me and has a purpose for me right where I am. He saw me wilting and losing my color, so I think he placed this huge hole in my heart so that the excess fluid would drain away. That is where I am now. I don't think I have ever cried as much as I have the last few weeks of my life. I'm still in the draining process. My tears are to my soul as the rain from heaven is to the earth. My tears are helping me grow and blossom, producing seeds of experience providing the food of wisdom for those I may interact with in the future. Just as God has a purpose for the rain, He has a purpose for these tears.
I long to have the full, rich, vibrant blooms of a healthy flower. So for now, I will embrace these tears and trust God to drain the unhealthy buildup out of my heart.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Air
I came across an old favorite of mine tonight. No, I don't listen to classical music often but the song Air by Bach was randomly packaged on my new tablet device. As I listened I began to realize that this is a beautiful work of art that I have been in love with since my youth. I had simply forgotten just how moving it really is.
Then, as I listened, I began to mourn again. This time, however, that mourning took on a whole new meaning. Just as that song is treasured in my heart, so will be my love of 21 years.
Once upon a time, I played that song on horn and I played it so well that I got a perfect rating at contest. How and why was I able to play it so well? Because I felt it with all my heart. Now I know those feelings are not gone but i neglected to nurture them and hence lost the passion I once had for this kind of music. I neglected to practice and work because I got burned out and then made room for other things in my life.
To hear it again is bittersweet.
I see now that is what has happened in my marriage. Not just on my side, but his as well. The music will forever be with us as will be the sentiment, but we have moved in different directions. We will continue to cross paths but will have forgotten the melody. However, there will be times when the song plays randomly and loudly in our hearts. And I know that when that happens I will not be able to resist savoring every note.
Our marriage was made of sweet music. It just got overplayed. I will never regret the practice time for it gave me a gift I will have forever. Likely it will never get played again, but that doesn't mean that I won't listen often and hum along.
Then, as I listened, I began to mourn again. This time, however, that mourning took on a whole new meaning. Just as that song is treasured in my heart, so will be my love of 21 years.
Once upon a time, I played that song on horn and I played it so well that I got a perfect rating at contest. How and why was I able to play it so well? Because I felt it with all my heart. Now I know those feelings are not gone but i neglected to nurture them and hence lost the passion I once had for this kind of music. I neglected to practice and work because I got burned out and then made room for other things in my life.
To hear it again is bittersweet.
I see now that is what has happened in my marriage. Not just on my side, but his as well. The music will forever be with us as will be the sentiment, but we have moved in different directions. We will continue to cross paths but will have forgotten the melody. However, there will be times when the song plays randomly and loudly in our hearts. And I know that when that happens I will not be able to resist savoring every note.
Our marriage was made of sweet music. It just got overplayed. I will never regret the practice time for it gave me a gift I will have forever. Likely it will never get played again, but that doesn't mean that I won't listen often and hum along.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Love? what is that?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
This is a passage most of us have read - if only at weddings. It is very commonly used because it melts our hearts. The poetic, sentimental phrasing of the words here elicit fond emotion because it is what we all long for. But is it something we all do?
I have always felt it easy for me to love others and I could define the ways that I do that here. But this morning, this passage hit me in a different light. At first glance I read the words and think it is a description of just how love works, easy - just like me. But then I think of those who hurt me - those who do not understand this passage at all. And as I was taking inventory of the many hurts in my life, I began to realize that honestly, I don't understand it either.
Love would not take inventory of past hurts.
I am sure I could list more ways I have missed the mark on this topic but thats not the direction I want to take. It really doesn't matter at this point and it doesn't help me to dwell on past mistakes or misunderstandings. All I can do is go forward and begin to learn how to truly understand the concept of love.
It is somewhat frustrating to me however because I don't believe that any of us can truly understand the complexity of this word. I am also beginning to think that none of us are even truly capable of loving others. We don't really even love ourselves so how in the world can we love someone else the way should?
My answer at this time in my life? Let God do it. When something is too big to handle or too hard for me to understand, there is really no other option. I absolutely can't love anyone.... unless I let God love me.
If you don't let someone love you, eventually you are replaced. That is human nature. And even though I know God will love me regardless of if I let Him - I can't truly experience love of any kind if I don't let Him in. Love is reciprocal - you have to give it to get it. God has this wonderful gift for me but if I don't unwrap it, I'll never know how truly precious it is. His idea of reciprocation is not to give something back to Him, but to pay it forward.
Because I am human, I will never fully grasp what love means. God knows this. He doesn't ask me to understand it. He just wants to be able to use me to show HIS love. The more I do this, the better my comprehension will be and my life will begin to reflect His love so others may gain some understanding as well. I am truly humbled by this challenge.
..... Faith, hope and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.
This is a passage most of us have read - if only at weddings. It is very commonly used because it melts our hearts. The poetic, sentimental phrasing of the words here elicit fond emotion because it is what we all long for. But is it something we all do?
I have always felt it easy for me to love others and I could define the ways that I do that here. But this morning, this passage hit me in a different light. At first glance I read the words and think it is a description of just how love works, easy - just like me. But then I think of those who hurt me - those who do not understand this passage at all. And as I was taking inventory of the many hurts in my life, I began to realize that honestly, I don't understand it either.
Love would not take inventory of past hurts.
I am sure I could list more ways I have missed the mark on this topic but thats not the direction I want to take. It really doesn't matter at this point and it doesn't help me to dwell on past mistakes or misunderstandings. All I can do is go forward and begin to learn how to truly understand the concept of love.
It is somewhat frustrating to me however because I don't believe that any of us can truly understand the complexity of this word. I am also beginning to think that none of us are even truly capable of loving others. We don't really even love ourselves so how in the world can we love someone else the way should?
My answer at this time in my life? Let God do it. When something is too big to handle or too hard for me to understand, there is really no other option. I absolutely can't love anyone.... unless I let God love me.
If you don't let someone love you, eventually you are replaced. That is human nature. And even though I know God will love me regardless of if I let Him - I can't truly experience love of any kind if I don't let Him in. Love is reciprocal - you have to give it to get it. God has this wonderful gift for me but if I don't unwrap it, I'll never know how truly precious it is. His idea of reciprocation is not to give something back to Him, but to pay it forward.
Because I am human, I will never fully grasp what love means. God knows this. He doesn't ask me to understand it. He just wants to be able to use me to show HIS love. The more I do this, the better my comprehension will be and my life will begin to reflect His love so others may gain some understanding as well. I am truly humbled by this challenge.
..... Faith, hope and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Good Life?
Dealing with alot this week. The hurt goes too deep even for me to write about. So I distract myself with books and the following comes from a paragraph in the book Crazy Love and quoted by David Goetz:
Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually. A lot of things are good by themselves, but all of it together keeps us from living healthy, fruitful lives for God.
This just stuck in my head this morning. I think that I was raised in the good life, grew up expecting the good life, and left my marriage expecting the good life to be even better. It has become toxic to me. And whether anyone agrees with me or my decision is really not my concern. My concern should be with what God thinks of me. God knows my heart. God knows my intent. And though I'm very much still distracted by the world, He knows I am still making effort to get the good life out of my system and get the GOD life back in.
I am also studying the life of David. God called him a man after his own heart. I relate SO well to David. He was such a screw up - as am I - but look how God used him! God knew his heart and I believe my heart is very similar even if marred and torn. God will take my heart, heal it and use me like He used David if only I will shift my focus away from that habitual good life I so love.
1 Samuel 16:7
God does not see people the same way people see. People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart.
I plan on holding firm to the verse above.
Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually. A lot of things are good by themselves, but all of it together keeps us from living healthy, fruitful lives for God.
This just stuck in my head this morning. I think that I was raised in the good life, grew up expecting the good life, and left my marriage expecting the good life to be even better. It has become toxic to me. And whether anyone agrees with me or my decision is really not my concern. My concern should be with what God thinks of me. God knows my heart. God knows my intent. And though I'm very much still distracted by the world, He knows I am still making effort to get the good life out of my system and get the GOD life back in.
I am also studying the life of David. God called him a man after his own heart. I relate SO well to David. He was such a screw up - as am I - but look how God used him! God knew his heart and I believe my heart is very similar even if marred and torn. God will take my heart, heal it and use me like He used David if only I will shift my focus away from that habitual good life I so love.
1 Samuel 16:7
God does not see people the same way people see. People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart.
I plan on holding firm to the verse above.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Blue...
So most of this blog will be copied and pasted but I want to refer back to it because the info is useful to me. I just took a personality test and it is amazingly accurate. I am blue - not in that I'm depressed or melancholy but that is my personality color. TRUE BLUE! The description is pretty much spot on:
Congratulations, Amy, you are a BLUE personality.[I happen to love that it says congratulations :)] The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life.
BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others.
BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).
There is much, much more to the whole color code theory but it is really eye opening. It helps me see what I want going forward. A friend also shared this with me today and it really makes sense:
1. Spiritual chemistry creates love
2. Conversational chemistry creates communication.
3. Emotional chemistry generates affection
4. Intellectual chemistry creates interest
5. Physical chemistry generates desire
So - as I mull over the thought of venturing out into the dating world, I have written these things down and intend to read them daily. Is it possible to find all of these in one person? I guess only time will tell.
Congratulations, Amy, you are a BLUE personality.[I happen to love that it says congratulations :)] The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life.
BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others.
BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).
There is much, much more to the whole color code theory but it is really eye opening. It helps me see what I want going forward. A friend also shared this with me today and it really makes sense:
1. Spiritual chemistry creates love
2. Conversational chemistry creates communication.
3. Emotional chemistry generates affection
4. Intellectual chemistry creates interest
5. Physical chemistry generates desire
So - as I mull over the thought of venturing out into the dating world, I have written these things down and intend to read them daily. Is it possible to find all of these in one person? I guess only time will tell.
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