1+1=1?

I read this interesting excerpt from Dr. Myles Monroe today:
 God designed people to be single.* He explains, "People walk around with a tremendous misconception of what it means to be single. Singleness, in its basic definition, means to be separate, unique, and whole. To be single means you are separate from everyone else, and you are unique in yourself-which means you recognize there's no one like you, and you have worth within yourself. To be single also means you are whole; you don't depend on other people to make you somebody. Until a person is completely single in these three areas, his or her relationships will always be a problem."
[* Dr. Munroe's definition of being "single" does not refer the the world's concept of singleness, but rather being complete and whole in Christ (rather than needing another person to complete your identity).]

That certainly cancels out the romanticism in the line from the movie Jerry McGuire...."you complete me".  But if there is anything I've learned by being single it is just the opposite - NOBODY can complete me!  No human anyway.  That is only done through Christ - just as Dr. Monroe points out above.

What I had never put together, however, is that God designed people to be single - regardless of marital status.  I've heard of the gift of singleness - but that is an entirely different concept.  God designed me to be AMY.  He did not design me to be Les and Dixie's daughter, Jeff's sister, Justin's ex-wife, or Anna and Drew's mom.  He made me to be ME!  Logically I've known this I guess but I have become so distracted with the relationships in my life, that I had forgotten.  I let my priority be everyone else and forgot who I really was along the way.  

When I look back in hindsight, it makes perfect sense.  I have always had a hard time just being me.  I looked to other people for my identity and sense of worth.  I did everything I could to please others and avoid conflict. While in the midst of all that, I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  The answer was probably obvious but I was too distracted to realize it.

God certainly has a way of humbling us, doesn't he?  Sometimes when we refuse to see reality, He has to thump us on the head with it.

In order to see what He wanted for me as a single, whole person - He had to literally make me SINGLE.  Seems He had to dumb it down for me.  And I fought it for many, many years - probably even took my search way too far and could have avoided some super big boo-boos along the way if I just could have understood this concept before.

So Ok God.... I get it now!  And thank you!  It has been a pretty hard lesson but so valuable.  It's a difficult concept because it does not follow traditional mathematical rules.  1+1=1 in relationships.  You must have two whole people to be truly united as one in marriage.  I will admit I was not whole when I married so therefore we were never "One" with each other.

Now do I think one has to be unmarried to learn this?  Not at all. I wish I could have understood before I had to go through divorce.  However - I trust God's ways and I know He's led me down this path for a reason.  What I take away is the encouragement that next time I commit to a relationship, I will be WHOLE and complete and that should make all the difference.  Two halves don't always make a whole --- especially if Christ isn't in the union.  In fact, without Christ no one can be whole.  I know I was only half the woman I needed to be but GOD completes me, not men.  What I can't imagine is how much better can a relationship be with a man who feels the same way and has experienced wholeness in Christ as well.  Now THAT'S sexy......

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:11-13).