Loosen the grip....

Another repost from the former blog:

Jan 25, 2009
random thoughts

Certain things in life grab hold of us for various reasons. Sometimes it's people, sometimes it's a habit, sometimes it's a particular food or a way of doing things. This happens because the person or thing or practice meets a deep seated need of some sort. It brings forth some type of pleasurable feeling so we continue on with it and even eventually cling to it until we can't let go. When these things are taken away, we go through withdrawal which can come in a multitude of forms..... sadness, headaches, cravings, etc - depending on what the addiction was. The initial stronghold is in initiated in somewhat of a courtship manner....there is flirtation and then actual contact and then dating and then a full blown relationship - each step creating a tighter grip but in an intriguing process. At some point you may realize what's happening and try to stop but rarely is one successful. Instead, you find yourself with a tighter grip than before.
Then all of a sudden one day the subject of your addiction is taken away - unexpectedly, out of the blue - ripped out of your hand...... but yet your grip is just as tight - and you can't figure out how to unclench your fist. You try - but the pain is unbearable. Then in similar fashion to the initial courtship - the steps begin to re-occur but in reverse. As time goes buy you find the grip is loosened, each finger unwrapping from the palm until finally the pinkie pops out and you find your hand fully outstretched - fingers spread - palm exposed. The relief is almost overwhelming as you realize how taxing the whole thing has been to your spirit. You have finally broken free. You've kicked the habit. You realize that what was once so extremely important had actually been a poison to your system and that it was slowly shutting you down. You now realize that the hand that formerly clutched so tightly to the beloved specimen is now so much more useful when empty. Perhaps it has nothing now to grab ahold of - but that is not a negative consequence necessarily - as it is now free to grab and let go where appropriate. Or perhaps it's clutching on to something new - something better - something to enrich your life instead of complicate it.
Breaking free or letting go is an exhilarating experience once you get past the withdrawal. Releasing the grip takes courage, steadfastness and great effort. When you realize you are finally getting away from the stronghold, the feeling can be so much better than the initial falling in love. I've only experienced it a few times in my life, but it is a sweet victory. Would it have been better to never have been under the spell to begin with? Perhaps. But I am reminded of a few words from Alfred Loyd Tennyson - "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. " Through our mistakes, we are more human and many times this is how we relate to one another. So I am glad to have been there and done that even if it wasn't in my best interest at the time. I loved, I lost, and above all - I learned.