39.

I am now 39 years young. or old - depending on how you want to see it. To me, it matters not. It is what it is. 39 may be the new 27 or it may be exactly 39. I really don't care. All I know is that I get older, the more at peace I am with myself. I've always liked me....to a degree. But I've always let comparisons get in the way of accepting myself the way God made me. He is the ultimate artist and he created me the way He wanted me - not the way *I* want me!

Some of this is within my control - yes. I need to keep my body healthy and not trash it up with junky stuff and slothfulness. I definitely learned why after the 10 months I spent on a strict eating plan and exercise regimen. I was successful in reaching a healthy weight and getting back in shape as well as getting my blood pressure and other health concerns in check. But I also have to keep in mind that I'm no athlete and wasn't made to be. I was blessed with an auto-immune disease early on in life and I don't believe that I live with this disease just because of genetics. It serves a purpose in my life and I am actually quite ok with the struggles it brings to me. It is no bed of roses, but it could be worse and I believe I learn alot about myself with each hurdle I face.

Now - shall we tackle vanity? Who doesn't struggle with this at least a little? I'm a girl.... I want to look good! And yes - at times I think I'm the one they're singing about in that song "You're so vain". Aren't I at the center of your world? I will also admit I've done some rather painful procedures all in the name of beauty... but I don't regret those either. Ok - well yeah - maybe the money could have been better spent on someone in need but those things have also made enough of a mark on my self esteem that I am more able to put myself out there and be there for someone in need - or less afraid to talk to someone who might otherwise intimidate me.

Don't get me wrong. I will always have gripes about my body or the aging process in general but I have come so far compared to how insecure I was 5 years ago. I like the new me (which is actually the old me that was hiding behind about 3 layers of fat). I like being 39. And I have no fear about the years to come. I don't intend to cover my grey when it appears (although my friend Becky does not believe me). I may even have to find one of those tacky vanity tags that reads "Sexy Grandma" when the time comes.... ha! NOT :)