Blogging Blahs

I used to blog about every other day. Guess I had a lot to say back then. Or perhaps I just didn't care what I put out there for all the world to see. I'm becoming more guarded these days because of recent mistakes and heartaches. I hate to put out a negative or depressing blog because that's not what I'm all about! Even the title of my blog is all happy and sweet. But life isn't always polka dots and daisies.....

Sometimes I wonder - with all the negatvity around us in this crazy world - how we manage to block it out and go about our routine. How do we manage to ignore it and put on a happy face in spite of it all. But yet we do - most of the time. Is that being fake? Or is it being positive in effort to change the outlook on our little world? But what about being real? Sometimes it takes all the energy I have to put negative thoughts in the back of my mind. Sometimes, i just need a good outburst. OK - so I'm not the screaming type but a good cry can be so refreshing.

Problem is, I haven't had time to do that. Occasionally I feel it coming on and I run. I try to get out of the public eye to have a momentary private sob. And yet - once I get to my quiet place, I find the emotion surpressed and I am unable to surface it. I feel it welling up inside me yet it keeps getting squelched.

A friend reminded me last week that dread does not bring God joy. I would imagine sadness does not bring God joy either. If my purpose is to bring God joy, then what do I do with the hurt, the disappointment, the discontent and all the other fleshy emotions in my system? I don't think squelching them is the answer. I have to find a way to let God replace them with the good. I have to stop believing the lies I tell myself. I have to spend more time in the Word and really listen to what He is telling me instead of what the world is telling me. At times, this seems a daunting task and the mere thought sends me reeling with helplessness.

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Practicing patience in effort to find peace.