Today I am mourning the loss of a relationship.... I have been friends with this particular person for over 20 years and we have certainly had our ups and downs but I believe the roller coaster relationship has come to an end. Too much baggage to discuss in a public blog but it seems that what once was a good thing has become a toxic thing. Toxic for both of us actually. I don't think there are hard feelings on either side - just an agreement that it's time for each of us to go our separate ways. It is the oddest thing I've experienced in my whole life.
I am sad, yes - but not overly. It's like I just realized that it was something that had to be done. She and I are in completely different places in life and neither one of us can understand the other's viewpoints in several areas. I do feel her friendship was one God blessed me with long ago but I also feel that God was ready for it to be over. He has given me this inexplicable peace about it. Either that or I've gone through so much pain already that I'm numb. Honestly though - I think I've felt God preparing me for this for quite awhile now.
I feel that changes are happening in and around me. Like my life is entering a new season. I don't know if this is a good feeling or not but rather that it's time for a change. I'm curiously content about it all.
This all may be temporary and I am open to reconciliation if it happens to ever come about but I feel a sense of finality in this. With that sense, I feel a sense of hope because I see new friendships emerging that seem to better serve the purpose God gave us for this type of relationship. I tried to salvage what I could but just hit a brick wall each time. A shame? Yes it is but I believe that things like this must change or we do not continue to grow as we should. I held her back as much as she did me. I may be grasping at straws here, but I have no choice but to try to make a little lemonade out of a very sour experience.
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