We grow up thinking independence is a good thing. We are taught from childhood skills we need to live on our own and how to handle things ourselves. The word independent is positive and strong - we even have a day we celebrate our independence from another country. Girls more than ever are taught this concept because for so many years women were dependent on men. That became an extreme negative! My mom was no feminist but even she ingrained in me the need to be able to support myself on my own - 'just in case'...... I was also taught that I could do or be anything I wanted to be. My independence and self confidence have always been a source of pride for me. I am now learning they are not necessarily my strengths.....
When I think about God, I also think about my role as a parent. I am God's child, therefore He loves me like I love my children. He is there to teach and to guide me. He has given me all the tools I need for survival but I am still a child! I have not attained adulthood in my Christian walk. I still need Him to hold my hand. I am beginning to see that our life on earth in a way is our 'raising'. Just as we raise our children to become adults, God is raising us to become adult Christians. Some mature more quickly than others. Some go at a slower pace. And some of us may be slightly retarded! The difference is that the goal of human parenting is independence while God's goal as our father is for us to become completely dependent.
This has been a difficult concept for me. I was raised to be independent and I am now raising my children to be independent. It's been my goal, my focus as long as I can remember. I am discovering that I cannot apply this concept in my spirtual journey. My control freak side has to go! I am not in charge and I cannot continue to try to 'do it myself'. As Dr. Phil might put it....it's just not working for me. And God didn't intend for it to work! I am discovering I am more like a strong willed two year old than a mature independent adult when it comes to spiritual matters. Good thing God is patient!
I was reading Romans 1 and thinking to myself - Why did God let them go? Why does He let us do shameful, harmful things to ourselves and others? Why did He give us free will after all? I'm learning that just as we have to let our own children go out into this world and learn and make mistakes of their own, God does this too. He lets us go so we can make mistakes and figure out that independence will get us nowhere. That as long as we live on earth, we ARE dependent. He wants us to be completely dependent on Him and Him alone. When we branch off and try to handle life ourselves, it isn't too long before we realize we are unhappy, discontent or just a complete mess. If we go this way too long, we end up finding out that we are completely lost. At this point we cry. We cry for our shepherd and it isn't long before He is there, picking us up and bringing us back to the flock.
This thought is going to be with me for awhile. I'm not sure I've grasped it completely so likely will be the source of a few blogs and may be a concept I struggle with for the rest of my life. It's not easy letting go. There's the cliche - "Let Go and Let God". It makes sense but isn't always easy to do.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." If that's not anti-independence, I don't know what is! How long have I known this verse and it's just now sinking in ?!?!
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