Journey

I have begun to realize that our lives are a seemingly neverending journey. Eventually we get to our destination but we are not clued in to the timing on that. We have nice rest stops along the way but between those, we have no idea what kind of road or weather conditions we will run into.

One of my biggest mistakes in life is that I have failed to realize the destination.

I have been wandering around aimlessly - searching - for who knows what! What a waste of precious time. It has done nothing but frustrate me, wear me down and tear me up. And all the while I've had the roadmap in my possession but was too stubborn to look at it.

It is a very detailed map but not as difficult as I once thought. The directions are clear but I have to be open to taking them. I see the beautiful picture of my destination fully knowing that the picture is not even a fraction of how wonderful that place truly is. I long to get there.

The road ahead is as long as the road I've been traveling, but now that I have the picture it seems so much more worthwhile.

So I will continue on with all the unknown weather conditions and road hazards ahead, savor each sweet rest stop in between and try my best to keep that road map within my grip.

I just very much don't want to be alone in his journey. I know I have the ultimate Navigator but I want YOU to come with me as well.

THAT guy!

I am so newly single that I'm sure I really don't get it yet, but part of the process is coming to terms with my new status. Although I'm not ready to date, the freedom is still there so its always in the back of my mind. My feeling is that its best to know what I'm looking for before I put myself out there and I find that I still go back to those unrealistic fairy tale expectations. That in and of itself is a pretty big red flag that I'm definitely not ready. In entertaining that thought however, I keep wishing for that one man that would be willing to move heaven and earth to be with me. Tonight I was feeling rather down because in my heart of hearts I know there is no man that could fulfill that dream.

You know what God said about that? He reminded me that He IS that guy! There truly is no man who can be everything I want. There is no man or woman here on earth that will never let me down. But I have God and He is always here - always ready to hold me - always excited to see me - always available when I need Him - AND He already moves Heaven and Earth...just for ME :) Ok - and you too. That's whats great about Him - He is all that to everyone, not just me and it makes me want to fall in love with Him all the more.

So once again, after a very trying day - full of anger and tears - God pulls me close and comforts me. It's the gentle way he shows me that my focus is wrong and softly turns my head back the direction it needs to go. My goal is not to lean on men, but to lean on Him. My thoughts may keep wandering, but somehow, some way - my father steers me back to the right path. Even when it all seems hopeless, He shows me my hope is in Him. When I finally am able to know this on my own - then He will give me just what I need. Until then, this painstaking process is the only way I can learn that it's actually through dependence that we find freedom. Independence may seem to signify strength but that is only man's view - for it actually creates bondage to self. When we give that up, then we find the peace we were yearning for.

As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5

SHE

SHE comes home today. That girl - the one God entrusted to my care. That girl - the one as complicated as I but with so many more levels than I ever knew. SHE is changing, growing - BLOOMING! I anticipate the flower she will become... The delicate petals of compassion, the sweet scent of her spirit, the tall, strong stalk of her wisdom. SHE is unlike any flower in the garden which makes her all the more precious to those that behold her.

I can only give credit to the One above for this gift of life He has entrusted me to nurture. I gladly embrace the role of caretaker even if only temporary. SHE belongs to Him and that only enhances my love of them both. He knows our needs and He provides.

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Icing on the Cake.

I've been reminded lately just how much our Heavenly Father loves us as His children. He calls us His own. He not only provides for us while on earth but has made for us a place in Heaven. He will never leave us or forsake us.

We can't say that about our earthly fathers.

Even if you have the perfect example of a father, at some point he will let you down and at some point you will have to say goodbye. What do our fathers give to us that stays? Our genetic make-up; a legacy of love and honor; an inheritance? If you're lucky you will get all or some or even one of those things. Some do not fare so well in the daddy department.

Whether you had the perfect model of unconditional love in your earthly father or a poor excuse for one, you will ALWAYS have the ultimate daddy. He is our Abba Father, Creator, Provider and Legacy for all have been or are to come! We are HIS! No need for an inheritance because He is NEVER going to leave us! He loves us no matter what we've done or are doing or will do in the future. He loves us when we are behaving but all the more when we are not! He understands our sin and is willing and ready to help us correct it. He hurts when we hurt. He smiles when we are happy. We can come to him with ANYTHING - absolutely ANTHING and He will extend His grace in any circumstance and as many times as we need it.

Think of the best earthly father you know. He may be your own, He may be your best friend's, He may be the dad down the street or He may even be Ward Cleaver.... None of them hold a candle to Our Father in Heaven.

Remember Him first today. All the others are just icing on the cake.

Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth

Longing

A Prayer by Sara Teasdale

Until I lose my soul and lie
Blind to the beauty of the earth,
Deaf though shouting wind goes by,
Dumb in a storm of mirth;

Until my heart is quenched at length
And I have left the land of men,
Oh, let me love with all my strength
Careless if I am loved again.

I've never been afraid to love. It has always come easy to me. I think my mistake is that I loved with the expectation it would be reciprocated in like ways. I'm not just talking about romantic love but also platonic love, familial love. Ashamedly, I admit that because I know in my mind that loving with expectation is really not loving at all. A gift is not truly a gift if you expect something in return.

There have only been a handful of times that I was able to give love even without the thought of return. But those are the times I felt love the deepest. That is true love. I am reminded of those times tonight and when I read this poem. I want to continue loving just as the poem says with all my strength and without caring if I am loved again. My heart has most definitely softened and I am at high guard to protect it. But even if protected, it still beats strongly - and with each thump, with each deep breath, with each tear that falls - I long to know that again.

Tomorrow? Matt 6:34

Planning for tomorrow is time well spent; worrying about tomorrow is time wasted. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. (Matt 6:34)

Why do I worry, why do I fret? Why does it matter to me today what tomorrow will bring? Do I really have any control over what happens tomorrow?

I guess I like to think that I do. But more often than not, the things I plan for don't work out. AND more often than not, when they don't work out I actually end up liking the end result much better than I would have had I gotten my own way.

There is really only one certainty about tomorrow. There WILL be some kind of adversity. There isn't a day that goes by in our lives that we don't deal with some kind of disappointment, hurt or conflict. I would be very skeptical of anyone who says their life is all polka dots and daisies, or smooth sailing or some other fairy tale version of Utopia. This just doesn't happen. It may be even more adversity filled for those of us that have a relationship with Christ. Life can't be easy for if it were, how would we learn to truly trust in our Lord?

So - once again I've been humbled enough to see that I am to proceed as planned without worrying about the outcome. The planning part is still worthwhile even if it doesn't work out. The planning keeps us occupied so that the little adversities that hit don't devastate like they might otherwise. My main focus, however, needs to be on today. What can I do right now this very minute to minimize the adversity I'm dealing with now? Let it go. Give it to God. Look to Him for my value and not to man. Be open and willing to God's guidance while resting in my very favorite place to be - His palm.

The plan for freedom from worry and anxiety - make the conscious, volitional choice every day of my life that my thoughts and actions will demonstrate that the kingdom of God is priority in this world which is passing away. (Phil 4:8) Also to know that seeking treasure is not necessarily a bad thing - but its in knowing where to find that treasure which is certainly not present here on earth.

Oh how I love the old hymns. They truly summarize it all!
My heart has no desire to stay
Where doubts arise and fears dismay;
Though some may dwell where those abound,
My prayer, my aim, is higher ground.

Lord, lift me up and let me stand,
By faith, on Heaven’s table land,
A higher plane than I have found;
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

Matthew 6:21

"Whatever we treasure the most controls us, whether we admit it or not"
or another version:
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"

Matthew 6 speaks of 2 of the greatest temptations we face as Christians. 1 - the temptaton to seek to be noticed as religious people of God in order to gain the approval of men. 2 - seeking the treasures of this earth.
The question is where is my heart really? Is it seeking self or is it seeking a real relationship with God? The fact that I call myself a control freak, pretty much sums it up. If I am in control, my treasure seeking is all about ME.

And I am reminded of a favorite hymn:
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

If God is my vision - my best thought - sooner or later He will also be my treasure.

I know where my heart is and I know of the treasure there. The motive is pure but but perhaps the emotion is untrue? It is a distraction and prohibits me seeing the real treasure Christ has in store for me. It's hard not to look past the gem I see here on earth but I have to know that there is more that God wants for me, from me. It is currently blinding me but I realized today that by having this distraction, God is asking me to relinquish control and let Him lead me. If my vision is askew, there is no other option.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.