Longing

A Prayer by Sara Teasdale

Until I lose my soul and lie
Blind to the beauty of the earth,
Deaf though shouting wind goes by,
Dumb in a storm of mirth;

Until my heart is quenched at length
And I have left the land of men,
Oh, let me love with all my strength
Careless if I am loved again.

I've never been afraid to love. It has always come easy to me. I think my mistake is that I loved with the expectation it would be reciprocated in like ways. I'm not just talking about romantic love but also platonic love, familial love. Ashamedly, I admit that because I know in my mind that loving with expectation is really not loving at all. A gift is not truly a gift if you expect something in return.

There have only been a handful of times that I was able to give love even without the thought of return. But those are the times I felt love the deepest. That is true love. I am reminded of those times tonight and when I read this poem. I want to continue loving just as the poem says with all my strength and without caring if I am loved again. My heart has most definitely softened and I am at high guard to protect it. But even if protected, it still beats strongly - and with each thump, with each deep breath, with each tear that falls - I long to know that again.