It's Easter Sunday. I realized that this is my last Easter Sunday in Elk City. In fact, I only have 3 more Sundays here. I've known for quite some time that this was coming and as the time draws closer, I have noticed myself becoming more and more conflicted in my feelings about that.
I love this church. I love the worship styles offered. I love the doctrine. I love the fellowship opportunities. I love the pastors. But most of all, I love the people that make up the heart of our congregation. This church, as a whole, has been the sharpest example of Jesus I have ever known. And I mean EVER.
And although I am extremely excited about the new opportunities life will bring with my upcoming move, I am also extremely distraught over leaving the people that I love so much. Of course, it is not really goodbye because I will have opportunities to visit and will most certainly stay in touch with many of them. But it can never, ever be the same. I don't just see an exciting new future in my new location, but I also see exciting new things that are happening here with this church and it hurts to know that I will not be a part of those.
The premise of Easter just amplifies my conflicted emotion. I think of Jesus, his disciples, his friends and his family. He informed them of all the changes to come but it was difficult for them to really grasp the concept or understand what He was trying to tell them. As the crucifixion approached, they saw signs and began to be apprehensive. Then, on that most horrifying Friday, it all came to pass. They knew that life had changed forever. I would think that the mourning for Him began even before that day and intensified afterward. I would also think that once He arose, they knew it was all so bittersweet. It is significant that He showed Himself to them - to give them hope. But I would also think that it increased the grief for a time. If they loved Him like we love our dearest, they would have been happy to know He was in a good place where suffering no longer existed and that He was preparing a place for them, but they also must have ached for His company, missed His words of wisdom and longed to hug or kiss Him just one more time.
I would also think that as they began to heal from their grief, they found themselves stronger and somewhat inspired by the example His life was to them. They would begin to remember just what His loving words meant to them and they would begin to seek a life that would honor His. They would also realize that even though He was no longer physically with them, that He was with them in their hearts and souls and would be for the rest of their lives.
I can only think that this is what has happened in my experience with this great church family that I have been extremely blessed to know and love. It hurts my heart to leave, but yet I know the grief I feel will only lead to the fondest of memories and the inspiration to continue living their legacy. It will cause me to go forward in ways that would honor not only the people that nurtured me, but to empower me to pay forward the ways that have grown me into the woman God would want me to be.
It is rare to find a church that truly "gets it" but once you have, it can only inspire you to live out its example. I don't know for sure what my future holds, but I know that I have seen Jesus here and I know that because of that my life is changed. I will greatly miss this church but there is part of it that will always be with me helping me to make wise choices and look for loving ways to live their legacy. I have known others who feel the same as I - whom have gone other places and continued to live in a way that honors this congregation, and in turn, honors Jesus as well.
Much like I will never have the words to show the appropriate amount of gratitude to God for the gift of His grace, I can't find the words to show the amount of love I have for these people. Because of that, I must live in a way that they know that they have left their mark on me; just like we all must live in a way that shows the mark of Christ on our souls.
There is a song by Nicole Nordeman that is heavy on my mind today. This is how I hope to live out the gratitude and appreciation I have for those who have held me in their palms and nurtured me to a new life:
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
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