When I was little, I asked God to make candy be as nutritious and low calorie as vegetables - and God said NO. When I was a teenager, I asked God to make me naturally thin with no acne and God said NO. When I was an older teen and dealing with the first phases of an autoimmune disease, I asked God to heal me and God said NO. When I was in college, I asked God to show me the right career path and God said NO. As a young adult, I asked God to help me understand my husband and God said NO. As a young mother, I asked God for more sleep and God said NO. As I neared my 40's, I asked God to heal my marriage and God said NO.
Sometimes all we hear is NO, NO, NO.
After all of those negative answers to my questions, I pouted for a bit. Then I cried. Then I spent time angry at God, asking why. Why must life be so stinkin' difficult?
But after the biggest NO of my life (the divorce), I began to realize that those negatory answers might have been the very clearest pathways to some of my best YESSES!
When I realized candy would never be as nutritious and low calorie as vegetables, I eventually decided I liked my leafy greens. YES! When I realized that I would have to deal with my weight and the occasional pimple, I learned to look beyond the physical and realize how much more there is to a person - including myself. YES! When I figured out there was no cure for my autoimmune disease and God wasn't going to heal me, I found ways of coping and new medications were developed that ease my symptoms. And it's not life threatening or severe enough to be debilitating so I really nothing to complain about. YES! I may not have ever found the right career path, but I got to spend time as a stay home mom. YES! I'll never understand men, but I've got some really great girlfriends who understand me. YES! I may not have gotten more sleep as a young mother but I'm getting quite a bit as a mother of teens which may be even more important. YES! God didn't heal my marriage, but He did heal my hurts and help me find myself again. YES!
Sometimes NO is a YES waiting to happen.
So, I've had a few NO's lately. And I pouted. And I cried. Got mad. Asked why. Just like before. But at the same time, I'm not too terribly upset over them because I know that there is a yes waiting to happen, when the time is right and when I've learned what I needed to learn from the no's.
In the meantime, I'm looking back over all the yesses and learning to be thankful for the no's. And that's what helps me sleep at night - knowing that no matter how hard life gets, there's a reward around the corner or maybe a chance for me to be someone's YES.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Fairy Tale mentality
Baby Girl is born, she is wrapped in pink and treated like a princess.
Toddler girl begins to learn what fairy tales are. Is given princess costumes and tiaras.
Preschool girl watches princess movies and discovers the concept of prince.
School girl learns about "happily ever after".
High School girl - begins to wish that someday her prince will come.
College girl looks for prince, a big white dress and sees happily ever after on the horizon.
Young woman gains the prince, wore the dress and begins to have princes and princesses of her own.
Middle aged woman loses sight of the fairy tale. Decides happily ever after was a myth.
Older woman decides happily ever after is dependent on herself and no one else.
Elderly woman sees that happily ever is attainable but not in this lifetime.
There is just something about the fairy tale that stays with a woman. It takes on different meanings at different stages of her life. Some women keep trying to find the prince but find most men fall short. Some women decide early on its a worthless pursuit. Some women hold dearly to the dream, let-down after let-down but are determined that their life will have that happy ending one day.
No matter what attitude a woman has adopted there is one thing I think that all women want. We want someone who will fight for us. I would even go as far as to say that this type of person would even bring hope to the woman who no longer believes in happily ever after. There's just one problem with that desire - It's hard to find someone that can actually live up to it.
Thing is, I really believe that most men are fighters. They want to be our knights in shining armor as much as we want them to be. But perhaps we are not always so princess-like or inspiring. It's really hard to fight for something that you may not believe in OR it's really hard to fight for someone that's already fighting with you.
We may want men to (excuse my vulgarity here) "grow some balls" but often we are the ones who cut them off in the first place.
And let's face it - if it's not us doing that then it's the crazy world we live in. It's the crazy stupid world that makes us insane so we go off on our men and decide to take captive their balls so they can't fight anymore OR it's the crazy stupid world, that beats down our men sapping their energy and then leaving us vulnerable. The crazy stupid world attacks us ALL.
It really doesn't matter what it is - my point is that we need to self examine before we make judgement - as do our men. We are often left vulnerable, but are we empowering our men? And even if we are the picture of perfect femininity and grace, do we ever stop and put ourselves in their shoes and really think about what they might be going through? Are we praying for them and loving them the way we've been taught in 1 Corinthians 13?
I no longer believe happily ever after is a myth but I do believe that I have a role in making that my life. Love is not something that just happens to you. Love is an action and I have as much responsibility to act on it as I have to receive it properly and without expectation.
Now, do princes actually exist? knights in shining armor? Perhaps not the way the fairy tales portray them but I know at least one guy who fits the job description - and he even fought for me this week! Sorry all you princess wannabes - this one is mine!
All men have it in them - they just need the right lady in waiting to bring it out. BE that girl...... you'll see.
Toddler girl begins to learn what fairy tales are. Is given princess costumes and tiaras.
Preschool girl watches princess movies and discovers the concept of prince.
School girl learns about "happily ever after".
High School girl - begins to wish that someday her prince will come.
College girl looks for prince, a big white dress and sees happily ever after on the horizon.
Young woman gains the prince, wore the dress and begins to have princes and princesses of her own.
Middle aged woman loses sight of the fairy tale. Decides happily ever after was a myth.
Older woman decides happily ever after is dependent on herself and no one else.
Elderly woman sees that happily ever is attainable but not in this lifetime.
There is just something about the fairy tale that stays with a woman. It takes on different meanings at different stages of her life. Some women keep trying to find the prince but find most men fall short. Some women decide early on its a worthless pursuit. Some women hold dearly to the dream, let-down after let-down but are determined that their life will have that happy ending one day.
No matter what attitude a woman has adopted there is one thing I think that all women want. We want someone who will fight for us. I would even go as far as to say that this type of person would even bring hope to the woman who no longer believes in happily ever after. There's just one problem with that desire - It's hard to find someone that can actually live up to it.
Thing is, I really believe that most men are fighters. They want to be our knights in shining armor as much as we want them to be. But perhaps we are not always so princess-like or inspiring. It's really hard to fight for something that you may not believe in OR it's really hard to fight for someone that's already fighting with you.
We may want men to (excuse my vulgarity here) "grow some balls" but often we are the ones who cut them off in the first place.
And let's face it - if it's not us doing that then it's the crazy world we live in. It's the crazy stupid world that makes us insane so we go off on our men and decide to take captive their balls so they can't fight anymore OR it's the crazy stupid world, that beats down our men sapping their energy and then leaving us vulnerable. The crazy stupid world attacks us ALL.
It really doesn't matter what it is - my point is that we need to self examine before we make judgement - as do our men. We are often left vulnerable, but are we empowering our men? And even if we are the picture of perfect femininity and grace, do we ever stop and put ourselves in their shoes and really think about what they might be going through? Are we praying for them and loving them the way we've been taught in 1 Corinthians 13?
I no longer believe happily ever after is a myth but I do believe that I have a role in making that my life. Love is not something that just happens to you. Love is an action and I have as much responsibility to act on it as I have to receive it properly and without expectation.
Now, do princes actually exist? knights in shining armor? Perhaps not the way the fairy tales portray them but I know at least one guy who fits the job description - and he even fought for me this week! Sorry all you princess wannabes - this one is mine!
All men have it in them - they just need the right lady in waiting to bring it out. BE that girl...... you'll see.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Seek and Ye Shall Find?
I am at home on a Sunday morning in July. That's very unusual behavior for me. It's church day. Church has been a part of my life since the beginning. I can't remember a time that I wasn't involved in church. I've been to many - switched denominations, visited with friends, watched online, listened on the radio, etc. There have been seasons in my life where church was a burden - another thing to do in my ever long list of "obligations". There have also been seasons where church was just routine, or maybe habit. There have been seasons where church was done only so my kids would have the experience. In fact, when I look back over my life I realize that the majority of my years were spent going to church for all the wrong reasons.
However, the last two years were the exception. My kids are now old enough that they can choose whether or not to go. I am no longer married so I don't have the spousal expectation that I attend. It has been completely my choice. No obligations to go, no need for routine attendance and no feelings of parental duty. I had the privilege of belonging to a congregation of incredibly loving and uplifting people so the choice was easy. I went because I wanted to.
I wanted to go for many reasons. I loved the people. I needed the social interaction. The pastors gave incredible messages that I needed to hear. I was able to participate in things I love - singing, teaching, learning and most of all fellowship. It helped complete me and contributed to my wholeness. The church accepted me when I was a mess, nurtured me back to health and then showed me ways I could do the same for others. I was able to give and receive - two very important things Christ asks of us.
But was that simply congregational? Before that two year season of my life, I really hadn't experienced that kind of church since high school. Or is it also in the timing? Churches experience highs and lows just like individuals do.
Whatever it is, it makes it doubly difficult to find a church now. Moving away from such an incredible congregation makes it hard not to expect to find it again somewhere new. I think I'm going to have to let go of the idealistic ideas in my mind - or at least archive them for awhile. I believe it is attainable again, but it may be that it has to be implemented somewhere new that may be in a slump or just getting started in learning about what makes outsiders feel wanted.
Churches suck at making people feel wanted.
But... look at me - throwing stones at the church from the comfort of my bed on a Sunday morning when I had every opportunity to go. It's not guilt I'm feeling though. It's discouragement. And although it may be understandable, it's simply not acceptable. How can I do anything about it if I don't put myself out there? I vowed to live life outside the box but I keep crawling back in. I am supposed to be the exception to the rule. May today's missed opportunity be the catalyst for new growth. No looking back, no projecting forward - just living in the moment day to day, thankful for the blessings in my life and knowing that God still holds me close to His heart - whether I stay in bed on a Sunday morning or trudge forward in my quest for a place to worship.
However, the last two years were the exception. My kids are now old enough that they can choose whether or not to go. I am no longer married so I don't have the spousal expectation that I attend. It has been completely my choice. No obligations to go, no need for routine attendance and no feelings of parental duty. I had the privilege of belonging to a congregation of incredibly loving and uplifting people so the choice was easy. I went because I wanted to.
I wanted to go for many reasons. I loved the people. I needed the social interaction. The pastors gave incredible messages that I needed to hear. I was able to participate in things I love - singing, teaching, learning and most of all fellowship. It helped complete me and contributed to my wholeness. The church accepted me when I was a mess, nurtured me back to health and then showed me ways I could do the same for others. I was able to give and receive - two very important things Christ asks of us.
But was that simply congregational? Before that two year season of my life, I really hadn't experienced that kind of church since high school. Or is it also in the timing? Churches experience highs and lows just like individuals do.
Whatever it is, it makes it doubly difficult to find a church now. Moving away from such an incredible congregation makes it hard not to expect to find it again somewhere new. I think I'm going to have to let go of the idealistic ideas in my mind - or at least archive them for awhile. I believe it is attainable again, but it may be that it has to be implemented somewhere new that may be in a slump or just getting started in learning about what makes outsiders feel wanted.
Churches suck at making people feel wanted.
But... look at me - throwing stones at the church from the comfort of my bed on a Sunday morning when I had every opportunity to go. It's not guilt I'm feeling though. It's discouragement. And although it may be understandable, it's simply not acceptable. How can I do anything about it if I don't put myself out there? I vowed to live life outside the box but I keep crawling back in. I am supposed to be the exception to the rule. May today's missed opportunity be the catalyst for new growth. No looking back, no projecting forward - just living in the moment day to day, thankful for the blessings in my life and knowing that God still holds me close to His heart - whether I stay in bed on a Sunday morning or trudge forward in my quest for a place to worship.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Workin' On a Smile
Sometimes you just have a bad day. Sometimes even though logic tells you that it will pass, it is still all consuming and it causes your otherwise positive outlook on life to veer to the negative. Even those things that were good yesterday begin to look a little, well..... blah.
Why is it that we have to have such highs and lows in life? Why does it have to be such a struggle to find every glass half full? Sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes no matter in what light you see that glass, it still looks more empty than full.
How much of these deep valley days are self inflicted? Do we really choose our attitudes or do they just happen upon us?
There's more than one way to slice an apple. Do we remember to slice it so we see the star or do we more often just cut it to the core as quickly as we can so as to gobble it up and satisfy our cravings?
I believe that today I forgot to look for the star. I was too consumed by work, relationships, life in general to take time to slice the apple artfully. Not that I won't have bad days when I remember the star..... I just think the impact will be lessened. Maybe?
And perhaps I'm grasping at straws. I can't be all Pollyanna Sunshine all the time. I can't fill this whole blog with hope! Who does that? While in my gut I know that this is a moment that will pass and likely tomorrow I will be all happy again, there are just times when Debbie Downer has to show herself. Wah, Wah.
These are the moments that either make or break a woman. I'm pretty sturdy so I guess that means there's a project in the works..... Can you guess what it is?
Operation Take One Down - from the song:
‘Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie You work on a smile and you go for a ride. ~Daniel Powter.
Why is it that we have to have such highs and lows in life? Why does it have to be such a struggle to find every glass half full? Sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes no matter in what light you see that glass, it still looks more empty than full.
How much of these deep valley days are self inflicted? Do we really choose our attitudes or do they just happen upon us?
There's more than one way to slice an apple. Do we remember to slice it so we see the star or do we more often just cut it to the core as quickly as we can so as to gobble it up and satisfy our cravings?
I believe that today I forgot to look for the star. I was too consumed by work, relationships, life in general to take time to slice the apple artfully. Not that I won't have bad days when I remember the star..... I just think the impact will be lessened. Maybe?
And perhaps I'm grasping at straws. I can't be all Pollyanna Sunshine all the time. I can't fill this whole blog with hope! Who does that? While in my gut I know that this is a moment that will pass and likely tomorrow I will be all happy again, there are just times when Debbie Downer has to show herself. Wah, Wah.
These are the moments that either make or break a woman. I'm pretty sturdy so I guess that means there's a project in the works..... Can you guess what it is?
Operation Take One Down - from the song:
‘Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie You work on a smile and you go for a ride. ~Daniel Powter.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Not What I Ordered
Ever been to a restaurant and ordered food but got something entirely different than what you expected? Are you disappointed or ready to try something new? Some of my favorite foods have happened upon me this way. I think I want one thing and then am presented another - only to find out that this new thing is soooooo much better than what I thought I wanted originally.
I think often our prayers work out that way too. We think we know what we want and ask God accordingly. Sometimes we get exactly what we ask for and other times.....eh, not so much. The thing I'm learning about those not so much moments is that more often than not - there is something even better around the corner - something I don't know about or understand yet. I think sometimes He has to prepare my palate to be ready to taste this sweeter thing that's in store for me. Perhaps I even have to swallow a few bitter morsels before I can truly appreciate the gift that's waiting.
I think that's sort of what is happening with me now. I think I put in an order for what I thought I wanted.... something that perhaps I've tasted before and thought I liked. Or maybe I looked at that big sweet cupcake thinking I wanted it and didn't realize that prime rib was not only more delicious but also more sustaining. Maybe my little girl side is still wishing for that fairy tale not realizing what a delight that epic novel could be. Really now..... who wants a tootsie roll when you could have an amazing 5 course meal? Not only would that meal provide more variety for the palate but it would also nourish the body in so many more ways.
Before I can appreciate that 5 course meal, I've got to get through a few nights of Taco Bell I guess..... And that's quite alright. It's those fast food nights that give me time to prepare for the big meal, time to write the entries of my epic novel, time to develop the taste buds needed to savor every morsel of love that life promises to bring.
Every life event is a gift - even those that hurt, even those that make us angry, even those that don't make sense. It's those things that make up our story, shape our thinking, create our masterpieces! True art does not come without difficulty and the most beautiful sites on earth were created from adverse conditions. God is just subtle like that. He wants us to connect the dots and see His hand in things; wants us to search for Him. It's then that we see how He really is there.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are my ways your ways declares the Lord.
1 Corinthians 13:13 Trust steadily in God. Hope unswervingly. LOVE extravagantly!
I think often our prayers work out that way too. We think we know what we want and ask God accordingly. Sometimes we get exactly what we ask for and other times.....eh, not so much. The thing I'm learning about those not so much moments is that more often than not - there is something even better around the corner - something I don't know about or understand yet. I think sometimes He has to prepare my palate to be ready to taste this sweeter thing that's in store for me. Perhaps I even have to swallow a few bitter morsels before I can truly appreciate the gift that's waiting.
I think that's sort of what is happening with me now. I think I put in an order for what I thought I wanted.... something that perhaps I've tasted before and thought I liked. Or maybe I looked at that big sweet cupcake thinking I wanted it and didn't realize that prime rib was not only more delicious but also more sustaining. Maybe my little girl side is still wishing for that fairy tale not realizing what a delight that epic novel could be. Really now..... who wants a tootsie roll when you could have an amazing 5 course meal? Not only would that meal provide more variety for the palate but it would also nourish the body in so many more ways.
Before I can appreciate that 5 course meal, I've got to get through a few nights of Taco Bell I guess..... And that's quite alright. It's those fast food nights that give me time to prepare for the big meal, time to write the entries of my epic novel, time to develop the taste buds needed to savor every morsel of love that life promises to bring.
Every life event is a gift - even those that hurt, even those that make us angry, even those that don't make sense. It's those things that make up our story, shape our thinking, create our masterpieces! True art does not come without difficulty and the most beautiful sites on earth were created from adverse conditions. God is just subtle like that. He wants us to connect the dots and see His hand in things; wants us to search for Him. It's then that we see how He really is there.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts nor are my ways your ways declares the Lord.
1 Corinthians 13:13 Trust steadily in God. Hope unswervingly. LOVE extravagantly!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
The Things We Can't Have..... at least for now.
So I haven't written in almost 2 months...... that may be a record! There are perks to being busy I guess. The mind gets torn so many different directions that it doesn't have time to over-analyze the mysteries of life. I've been accused of thinking TOO much in the past - perhaps I'm now in a place where that is no longer a problem. Not a problem for those who accused me of that anyway - kind of an issue with me. I actually like to think. I like to have long conversations with others who like to think. I like to pinpoint exactly what I believe and sometimes that takes awhile - I'm fickle and sometimes easily influenced.
So I'm back with the new thing that's bothering me lately..... as you know, I tend to write about the things I need to work out in my head. For some reason, I'm questioning life again. I went through a good solid year at least of just accepting it, feeling content and going with the flow. Perhaps that's easy when things are going the way you want. And what's weird about this now is that things HAVE gone and ARE going just the way I would want them to...... to a degree. There are a few very minor things that I could request from God (and that I do ask for quite often) but overall I'm really happy. The move went smoothly, I love my house, I love Norman, work is satisfactory (never great) and the kids seem really happy too.
But..... there are things I miss and things I long for that seem very out of reach. I'd be lying to say that it doesn't get me down sometimes. I'm not going to list those things I miss or desire simply because I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. I just want to know why.... What is it about human nature that makes us want the very thing we can't have OR want NOW what we know must take time. This whole instant gratification thing is frustrating me. I *know* that the most wonderful things in life are those that we have to wait for. Wait for it,,,,,waaaaaaaait for it! But instead of being a patient, mature adult - I am more like a 3 year old ready to throw a tantrum or that wants to ask why all the time? Why do I want it, Why can't I have it, or why can't I have it now?
And then my good old friend guilt enters the picture and throws daggers at me. How petty am I that I'm having a pity party over things I don't even need when there are so many who have lost everything in the recent tornadoes. They don't even have everything they NEED and here I am being selfish about a simple desire. What is wrong with me?
I guess I have become a little too self absorbed and I hate that! For instance, I realized today as I visited another church that I am approaching it the wrong way. I am looking for the church of the what-can-you-do-for-me instead of searching for a place where I can serve! I tend to look at all the activities these churches offer and gauge them by how interesting the activities appear. Instead, I need to look for the congregation I can see myself relating to, the place where I can plug in and actively participate - instead of being like a baby bird in a nest who looks at mama bird saying "feed me, feed me". When I left Elk, I felt like I was taking flight...... my baby bird days are history!
Similarly, I have regressed in my life. How has this happened? I have let life become about me and it's just not designed to be that way. I am not here on this earth to make my own life better - what's the point of that? I'm here to love, here to serve, here to care and here because Jesus no longer is. Of course, God is everywhere but we really can't sense Him or feel Him - well, most of us can't. The way we experience God is through people. People who know love the way God designed it, people who show love the way Jesus lived it, people who know how to love in action rather than get caught up in love the emotion.
So..... I need to get out of the box again. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be - fully, 100% confident in that. However, I'm missing some things and they are not things that are just going to come to me. I have to get out of my comfort zone and do a few things that I may not like initially. I simply can't go on this way - it's not healthy. I hesitate because life is already complicated so how in the world do I fit in more activity? I just do - because I need to - and the rest will work itself out. If I get outside myself for a bit, maybe just maybe, those things I long for and am waiting for will work themselves out even sooner than I think. As much as I want this life to be all about me, that's simply not where it's at, nor where it should be.
So I'm back with the new thing that's bothering me lately..... as you know, I tend to write about the things I need to work out in my head. For some reason, I'm questioning life again. I went through a good solid year at least of just accepting it, feeling content and going with the flow. Perhaps that's easy when things are going the way you want. And what's weird about this now is that things HAVE gone and ARE going just the way I would want them to...... to a degree. There are a few very minor things that I could request from God (and that I do ask for quite often) but overall I'm really happy. The move went smoothly, I love my house, I love Norman, work is satisfactory (never great) and the kids seem really happy too.
But..... there are things I miss and things I long for that seem very out of reach. I'd be lying to say that it doesn't get me down sometimes. I'm not going to list those things I miss or desire simply because I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. I just want to know why.... What is it about human nature that makes us want the very thing we can't have OR want NOW what we know must take time. This whole instant gratification thing is frustrating me. I *know* that the most wonderful things in life are those that we have to wait for. Wait for it,,,,,waaaaaaaait for it! But instead of being a patient, mature adult - I am more like a 3 year old ready to throw a tantrum or that wants to ask why all the time? Why do I want it, Why can't I have it, or why can't I have it now?
And then my good old friend guilt enters the picture and throws daggers at me. How petty am I that I'm having a pity party over things I don't even need when there are so many who have lost everything in the recent tornadoes. They don't even have everything they NEED and here I am being selfish about a simple desire. What is wrong with me?
I guess I have become a little too self absorbed and I hate that! For instance, I realized today as I visited another church that I am approaching it the wrong way. I am looking for the church of the what-can-you-do-for-me instead of searching for a place where I can serve! I tend to look at all the activities these churches offer and gauge them by how interesting the activities appear. Instead, I need to look for the congregation I can see myself relating to, the place where I can plug in and actively participate - instead of being like a baby bird in a nest who looks at mama bird saying "feed me, feed me". When I left Elk, I felt like I was taking flight...... my baby bird days are history!
Similarly, I have regressed in my life. How has this happened? I have let life become about me and it's just not designed to be that way. I am not here on this earth to make my own life better - what's the point of that? I'm here to love, here to serve, here to care and here because Jesus no longer is. Of course, God is everywhere but we really can't sense Him or feel Him - well, most of us can't. The way we experience God is through people. People who know love the way God designed it, people who show love the way Jesus lived it, people who know how to love in action rather than get caught up in love the emotion.
So..... I need to get out of the box again. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be - fully, 100% confident in that. However, I'm missing some things and they are not things that are just going to come to me. I have to get out of my comfort zone and do a few things that I may not like initially. I simply can't go on this way - it's not healthy. I hesitate because life is already complicated so how in the world do I fit in more activity? I just do - because I need to - and the rest will work itself out. If I get outside myself for a bit, maybe just maybe, those things I long for and am waiting for will work themselves out even sooner than I think. As much as I want this life to be all about me, that's simply not where it's at, nor where it should be.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
10 days and counting
I have about 10 days left in Elk City and I can honestly say that I've never felt such opposite emotions consecutively in my entire life. When change occurs, I'm usually all for it or completely dreading it. This time it's different. It's different not just in the fact that I have conflicting feelings but it's different in that there is no question in my mind that it's what I need to do. In the past, I have initiated change with some hesitancy and then even second guessed it afterward. This time, in spite of my sadness over leaving, I'm certain this is exactly what is best...... for me, for the kids, for all involved.
I'm incredibly excited while at the same time overwhelmed by sentiment. I see new opportunities, new friendships and new discoveries where I'm headed; but I see cherished memories, loving friendships and comfortable familiarity that I'm leaving behind. The new location is full of potential but this community has nurtured me and helped me grow into the woman I am today.
Western Oklahoma has indeed become a part of me and a section of my heart will always be reserved for those I've known and loved here. I know logically that it's not really good-bye because I will keep in touch with so many, but any time change is coming I think it's good to take a few moments to mourn what is no longer going to be the norm. So much I will miss..... I once read a book about grief that pointed out if something wasn't important to you, there would be no need to mourn. This community must have been a big deal, because I'm already feeling the loss.
Over the next few days I will be getting around to a few short notes about my nearest and dearest here in Elk. They may be sappy and sentimental so take a little vacation from reading for a bit if that bothers you. Otherwise, get the tissues out. My heart is needing to bleed a bit.
I'm incredibly excited while at the same time overwhelmed by sentiment. I see new opportunities, new friendships and new discoveries where I'm headed; but I see cherished memories, loving friendships and comfortable familiarity that I'm leaving behind. The new location is full of potential but this community has nurtured me and helped me grow into the woman I am today.
Western Oklahoma has indeed become a part of me and a section of my heart will always be reserved for those I've known and loved here. I know logically that it's not really good-bye because I will keep in touch with so many, but any time change is coming I think it's good to take a few moments to mourn what is no longer going to be the norm. So much I will miss..... I once read a book about grief that pointed out if something wasn't important to you, there would be no need to mourn. This community must have been a big deal, because I'm already feeling the loss.
Over the next few days I will be getting around to a few short notes about my nearest and dearest here in Elk. They may be sappy and sentimental so take a little vacation from reading for a bit if that bothers you. Otherwise, get the tissues out. My heart is needing to bleed a bit.
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