Feelings....woah, woah, woah Feelings.....

There is a song from the seventies with these words....  Just had to sing in text form.  Look it up on you tube if you can't quite place it.  The song refers to trying to forget feelings but I don't want to forget mine.  I want to remember them with the same intensity that I found them initially.  This is life and we are created as emotional beings for a reason.  I embrace that part of me but yet I also have the wisdom to keep it in check.

AND I'm still thinking about Joyce Meyer's quote.  It bothers me.  She is a wise woman but I don't like how she worded this one.

 The more you follow your feelings, the stronger they will become. Make the decision today to say "yes" to God and "no" to feelings.

I think our feelings have great value.  I feel like one of our big problems is that we tend to ignore them. If we don't take time to feel, or we don't acknowledge our feelings then we can't properly heal.  Too often we push them to the side and don't deal with them.  Then they become volatile and could come out at any moment in a completely dysfunctional way.   And the more we ignore them, the more they intensify and fester below the surface which is far more dangerous than taking time to really ~feel~ them.  When we allow ourselves this simple luxury, we heal more appropriately and waaaaay more quickly !!!

In fact, this past week I learned that unresolved feelings lead to a longer recovery time when grieving.  No doubt this is true in my own life.  I made this mistake far too long.  I'm learning how much better I feel when I get these things out of my system.  The relief is almost immediate.

Of course it takes the proper channeling.  I can't just fly off the handle or burst into tears out in public.  That could do some extra damage that I definitely don't need to deal with.  And maybe that's where Joyce was going with this.  Maybe she actually means that we should not dwell on our feelings - but deal with them.  Realize they are simply feelings - which are often temporary - and know that our brains will kick in at some point.  By saying yes to God in this area, I suppose she means we go to Him with our emotions.  Give them away to Him.  Let Him heal us.  He is truly the only one who can handle them.

Crazy Busy and Out of my Comfort Zone

So for the next 6-8 weeks my blogs will be very hit or miss.  I am away from home during the week training for a new position with the same company that I've worked for the last 5 years.  Super excited about it - but also super busy.  On weekends, I'm home with the kids so it will be all about them.  I'll blog as I can but so far I don't even have time to think and this blogging business requires quite a bit of though on my parts.  It is definitely not something that comes easy to me.  For now, I'm mulling over this thought from Joyce Meyer I received on Facebook:

 The more you follow your feelings, the stronger they will become. Make the decision today to say "yes" to God and "no" to feelings.


Not too sure I like it.  I love to indulge in "feeling" - but maybe its time to quit for awhile.  Time will definitely tell....

Resolution for no more resolutions....

New Years Day 2012.  I've been trying to get to this keyboard all day but things kept distracting me.  Good things, family - friends and all the things I love most.  I don't know why it never ceases to amaze me how blessed I am.  And I wish I could explain why I *know* this coming year is going to be the best yet!  I don't know why - but I feel good things are coming.

That being said, I also am aware that it may take a few more tears to get to those good things.  This time, however, I'm ready for them.  I'm ready to keep feeling every ounce of emotion, experience every joy and every sorrow and take in all life wants to give me.  I'm ready for pain. I'm ready for elation.  I'm ready to be molded into what God wants me to be!

It is also a time many make resolutions.  I have made a few myself in the past.  I was also going over and over in my mind, what I would resolve to do this year.  However, I realized that pretty much every time I've made a resolution, I've failed.  And actually when I did not make a resolution, then my year went more smoothly.  Seems to me, resolutions just set us up for failure.  And why not?  We are human - we fail - we fail a lot - we fail more than we succeed.  That doesn't have to be a negative however.  Failure is good.  It's how we learn.

I'm so very thankful for my failure.  Because of it, I have realized that life can no longer be about me.  Life is about what God can do through me.  I'm merely a vessel and if I will submit and let Him use me - AND my failures - He will do powerful things.  

This year marked the biggest failure of my life.  It was gut-wrenching.  But I learned so much through it - most of all that I can't do this thing called life on my own.  Instead of resolutions,  I choose promises.  Not promises I make to others or even to God.  I choose to dwell on promises God has made to ME.  This year I have chosen to embrace Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

When I started 2011, I began a search for transparency, honesty and truth.  This verse is the answer.  Will I fail?  Absolutely.  Every day.  More than I care to admit.  But this verse will remind me, correct me and put me back on that path.  Back to the road less traveled.  It's the best way to go.

More later

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours. We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Suess

 More on this later - I just loved it.  AND I love being weird.  :)

Name thing....

So I'm still playing with the name....  It may change a few more times before I embrace it.  However, Polka Dots, Daisies and Butterfly kisses are all kind of girlish.  While they all were buzz words that had significance to me only, they were reminders of my lack of maturity.  I like being young, don't get me wrong - I just would rather take those words that signify moments of my past and put them away in my hope chest of memories.  My search now is for a new name that also has meaning to me only - not necessarily derived from buzz word reminders of semi-mistakes I made but words which make me think and remind me of the journey I have taken to get where I am today.  For now, clipped wings is pretty significant.  It is based on the following quote:

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

I spent a great many years in the pursuit of happiness.  I have chased many dreams - most of them attained - only to realize these things are still not what makes me happy.  Once one goal is reached, I find I need to have another.  Or once one thing has been obtained, I see something else I want.  I've done this my whole life.  Ironically - the pursuit of happiness I've found - does not have to be searched.  Happiness is here - with me - no matter what I have or what I've done.  It is not something to be followed, or searched for, or worked on.  It is something which is just part of me - if I will let it be.  If I will count my blessings.  If I will rely on God, not man to supply my needs emotionally, physically, mentally.  Psalm 46:10 was shared with me a few years ago and it echoes in my mind often - "Be still and know that I am God".  I have found that when I quit trying to control my life or pursue what I think I want or need - I end up finding exactly what I want and need and therefore the quote above applies.

The butterfly is another recurring theme in my journey.  This beautiful creature - once an ugly caterpillar - was transformed.  She not only became beautiful but she gained wings with which to fly.  God gave me wings also but I've find I prefer not to fly.....yet.  I tried the wings and flying is good and all - I'm just not ready.  I still lack direction and I need to stay close to home until that becomes clear.  So for now, I'm letting God clip these wings and work on my inner beauty so that when I finally do fly, the radiance of God is not mistaken and the freedom of flight does not lack direction.  Not quite back to the cocoon but yet still close to the tree.

It's time to do away with the girlish prior name and embrace a more appropriate tone - even if I'm not fully matured yet.  I just celebrated my 40th birthday - the 2nd half of my life begins now.  I'd like to think the first half was spent maturing and the 2nd half will just be the refining.  One day, I will fly.  But for now, I am happy right where I am.

My Mess

I'll explain later why I've renamed this blog.  It was just time.  And for the first time ever, I actually feel good about being a mess.  I'm learning how to let the Messiah turn my messes into my message.  He is absolutely incredible!!!

I was reminded of this quote from the show Private Practice.  I no longer watch it but I just love what Sheldon says to Violet..... 
Violet: I'm a mess. Sheldon: We're all a mess. Don't you know that by now? All I know is I don't mind finding out who you are. (Private Practice)

I am still finding out who I am but I'm beginning to embrace the journey. 

Nearing the star

I wrote a few days ago about my starshine.  I am drawn to it and mesmerized by its beauty.  This year has been a journey for me and with each new day I began to see a little bit more of His star.  This star has become my compass and has pointed me in the direction I need to go.  I may have set off on the well traveled, more easily navigated road but when the star began to sparkle in my path, I was drawn to it - to the road less traveled.  This road is not traveled by many and I now know why.  It is full of twists and turns, fear and sorrow - hills and valleys.  It takes courage to not turn back.  It takes stamina to stay the course.  And it takes sheer determination to triumph over its many heartaches.  Have I looked back?  many times.  Have I been afraid? many times.  Have I suffered and cried when the road was cruel?  many, many, many times.  But through each challenge I've conquered on this road, I've been rewarded many times over and with each reward came just a little more sparke, a little more shine.  That beautiful Star!  That beautiful Star....  I can almost see it completely now and I feel my journey is coming to a resting place where I can bask not only in the precious gift of the Son but also with the precious gems I've collected in my journey.

When I arrive, I will rest.  But I know that my journey does not end here.  I know that I'm still on my way - with many different possible routes.  Some easy, some not.  Some shorter, some longer.  But I'm hoping that what I've gained on the road less traveled will stay with me and that while I am still able, I will continue on this road - accepting the challenges, climbing the mountains, racing through the valleys and continuing to seek the Star.  Each new year is a gift - and at the end we rest and enjoy.  My journey to Bethlehem is a gift as well.