Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Name thing....
So I'm still playing with the name.... It may change a few more times before I embrace it. However, Polka Dots, Daisies and Butterfly kisses are all kind of girlish. While they all were buzz words that had significance to me only, they were reminders of my lack of maturity. I like being young, don't get me wrong - I just would rather take those words that signify moments of my past and put them away in my hope chest of memories. My search now is for a new name that also has meaning to me only - not necessarily derived from buzz word reminders of semi-mistakes I made but words which make me think and remind me of the journey I have taken to get where I am today. For now, clipped wings is pretty significant. It is based on the following quote:
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
I spent a great many years in the pursuit of happiness. I have chased many dreams - most of them attained - only to realize these things are still not what makes me happy. Once one goal is reached, I find I need to have another. Or once one thing has been obtained, I see something else I want. I've done this my whole life. Ironically - the pursuit of happiness I've found - does not have to be searched. Happiness is here - with me - no matter what I have or what I've done. It is not something to be followed, or searched for, or worked on. It is something which is just part of me - if I will let it be. If I will count my blessings. If I will rely on God, not man to supply my needs emotionally, physically, mentally. Psalm 46:10 was shared with me a few years ago and it echoes in my mind often - "Be still and know that I am God". I have found that when I quit trying to control my life or pursue what I think I want or need - I end up finding exactly what I want and need and therefore the quote above applies.
The butterfly is another recurring theme in my journey. This beautiful creature - once an ugly caterpillar - was transformed. She not only became beautiful but she gained wings with which to fly. God gave me wings also but I've find I prefer not to fly.....yet. I tried the wings and flying is good and all - I'm just not ready. I still lack direction and I need to stay close to home until that becomes clear. So for now, I'm letting God clip these wings and work on my inner beauty so that when I finally do fly, the radiance of God is not mistaken and the freedom of flight does not lack direction. Not quite back to the cocoon but yet still close to the tree.
It's time to do away with the girlish prior name and embrace a more appropriate tone - even if I'm not fully matured yet. I just celebrated my 40th birthday - the 2nd half of my life begins now. I'd like to think the first half was spent maturing and the 2nd half will just be the refining. One day, I will fly. But for now, I am happy right where I am.
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
I spent a great many years in the pursuit of happiness. I have chased many dreams - most of them attained - only to realize these things are still not what makes me happy. Once one goal is reached, I find I need to have another. Or once one thing has been obtained, I see something else I want. I've done this my whole life. Ironically - the pursuit of happiness I've found - does not have to be searched. Happiness is here - with me - no matter what I have or what I've done. It is not something to be followed, or searched for, or worked on. It is something which is just part of me - if I will let it be. If I will count my blessings. If I will rely on God, not man to supply my needs emotionally, physically, mentally. Psalm 46:10 was shared with me a few years ago and it echoes in my mind often - "Be still and know that I am God". I have found that when I quit trying to control my life or pursue what I think I want or need - I end up finding exactly what I want and need and therefore the quote above applies.
The butterfly is another recurring theme in my journey. This beautiful creature - once an ugly caterpillar - was transformed. She not only became beautiful but she gained wings with which to fly. God gave me wings also but I've find I prefer not to fly.....yet. I tried the wings and flying is good and all - I'm just not ready. I still lack direction and I need to stay close to home until that becomes clear. So for now, I'm letting God clip these wings and work on my inner beauty so that when I finally do fly, the radiance of God is not mistaken and the freedom of flight does not lack direction. Not quite back to the cocoon but yet still close to the tree.
It's time to do away with the girlish prior name and embrace a more appropriate tone - even if I'm not fully matured yet. I just celebrated my 40th birthday - the 2nd half of my life begins now. I'd like to think the first half was spent maturing and the 2nd half will just be the refining. One day, I will fly. But for now, I am happy right where I am.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My Mess
I'll explain later why I've renamed this blog. It was just time. And for the first time ever, I actually feel good about being a mess. I'm learning how to let the Messiah turn my messes into my message. He is absolutely incredible!!!
I was reminded of this quote from the show Private Practice. I no longer watch it but I just love what Sheldon says to Violet.....
Violet: I'm a mess. Sheldon: We're all a mess. Don't you know that by now? All I know is I don't mind finding out who you are. (Private Practice)
I am still finding out who I am but I'm beginning to embrace the journey.
I was reminded of this quote from the show Private Practice. I no longer watch it but I just love what Sheldon says to Violet.....
Violet: I'm a mess. Sheldon: We're all a mess. Don't you know that by now? All I know is I don't mind finding out who you are. (Private Practice)
I am still finding out who I am but I'm beginning to embrace the journey.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Nearing the star
I wrote a few days ago about my starshine. I am drawn to it and mesmerized by its beauty. This year has been a journey for me and with each new day I began to see a little bit more of His star. This star has become my compass and has pointed me in the direction I need to go. I may have set off on the well traveled, more easily navigated road but when the star began to sparkle in my path, I was drawn to it - to the road less traveled. This road is not traveled by many and I now know why. It is full of twists and turns, fear and sorrow - hills and valleys. It takes courage to not turn back. It takes stamina to stay the course. And it takes sheer determination to triumph over its many heartaches. Have I looked back? many times. Have I been afraid? many times. Have I suffered and cried when the road was cruel? many, many, many times. But through each challenge I've conquered on this road, I've been rewarded many times over and with each reward came just a little more sparke, a little more shine. That beautiful Star! That beautiful Star.... I can almost see it completely now and I feel my journey is coming to a resting place where I can bask not only in the precious gift of the Son but also with the precious gems I've collected in my journey.
When I arrive, I will rest. But I know that my journey does not end here. I know that I'm still on my way - with many different possible routes. Some easy, some not. Some shorter, some longer. But I'm hoping that what I've gained on the road less traveled will stay with me and that while I am still able, I will continue on this road - accepting the challenges, climbing the mountains, racing through the valleys and continuing to seek the Star. Each new year is a gift - and at the end we rest and enjoy. My journey to Bethlehem is a gift as well.
When I arrive, I will rest. But I know that my journey does not end here. I know that I'm still on my way - with many different possible routes. Some easy, some not. Some shorter, some longer. But I'm hoping that what I've gained on the road less traveled will stay with me and that while I am still able, I will continue on this road - accepting the challenges, climbing the mountains, racing through the valleys and continuing to seek the Star. Each new year is a gift - and at the end we rest and enjoy. My journey to Bethlehem is a gift as well.
Starshine
When I think of the song "You Are My Sunshine" I often like to replace the words with Son Shine. It still works and it is still cheerful and upbeat. In fact, to sing it no one would know that in my head I refer to Christ's reflection and not the actual sun.
But this time of year, in the bleak midwinter, the sun is a delicacy that we don't often see or feel. This time of year we are faced with cold, gray and often dark weather that can sometimes be incredibly bitter and hard to bear. It is a season when we crave warmth and nourishment......... and hope, and peace.
Therefore, I believe it's no accident that Christmas falls this time of year. Christ brings all of that to our lives. Even though our holidays become so cluttered and commercialized, there are glimpses of the Son that gleam through the darkness. Most of us become more generous and are less focused on ourselves than any other time of year. We give not only to our family and friends, but to people we don't know through local Christmas basket funds or toy drives. We see more random acts of kindness - like the anonymous donors paying off the layaway balances for unknown families. These things touch our hearts and warm our spirits. These things are Christ.... These things are glimpses of sun/Son.
But these things to me - seem to sparkle much more than the sun. They stand out amidst the dark part of this season. They have a special glow that is ever so slightly different. And so did that star that marked where Christ was born.......
And just as the sun seems like a delicacy to me now, I crave that star much more than I ever have. I crave it not only because of its beauty but because it points the way. It shows me where my treasure lies. It shows me how very much God loves me. It is a compass of sorts.
And when all the darkness of this world begins to overwhelm me, all I have to do is look for His star. It is there, sparkling like a precious gem - leading me back to the direction I want to go. The direction of His gift. And He becomes not my sunshine, or my Sonshine but my Starshine. The differences are subtle but they are there and I want to see His starshine not just now but every day of every year.
You are my starshine, my only starshine - You make me happy when life is gray
I'll always know God, How much You love me
You'll NEVER take my starshine away.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Taming the Grinch
I was feeling a little bah- humbuggy this morning when I went to read the 2 morning devotionals that come to me via email every day. Seems like they are all about Christmas. I want some good meat and potatoes spiritual food - I know all about this Christmas business....grrrr.... Give me something new!!!!
Well now, Ms. Grinch - maybe the pot is calling the kettle black? And I realized how my last 3 blog posts have also been based on the very Christmas story I know sooooo much about! God has been humbling me like this a lot lately. And you know what? It feels GOOD.
I realized that in all my 39 Christmases past, I have learned something new every year. That is the miracle of Christmas! It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Our circumstances change so much from year to year that each season we have a new perspective and a new focus. And we get to add the bonus of new memories to be made. Instead of grumbling about being overwhelmed by it all (the parties, music, decorations and even devotionals that are just IN YOUR FACE) I'm going to embrace the attitude adjustment I've been given and learn to see those as blatant reminders of the wonderful gift we've been given......For God So Loved the World!
I was also a bit grinchy at my son's basketball game last night. Thankfully no one knew about it but me. I saw a few faces that have not been so kind to me over the last few months and had negative thoughts running through my mind. As I sat there grumbling in my head, I had a little divine tap on the shoulder that reminded me..... "Love them." I began a little debate in my head and got a little defensive. It's SO HARD to love them! But ..... it really isn't. It's as simple as a choice. And once I resolved that conflict in my head I began to see the connection. They hurt too, they are not happy, they lash out or ignore my pain because they don't want to acknowledge their own. I get it. I understand. I was that girl once....WAS. But now I AM new or at least in progress - and I get a new lesson every day. This is how God loves me - He corrects me and refreshes my attitude.
This Christmas I may be alone and I may not be involved in all the hustle and bustle. But I love looking at Christmas from the outside in. It is a truly new perspective and I hope to embrace and carry the memory forward. If you find yourself grumbling about the busyness of the season, remember that there is someone who may be feeling left out. Someone who lost a loved one, or who is sick, or who is new in town without family......even someone recently divorced like me. While I am loving Christmas without the activity, others find it hard to take and I hope I can offer a small glimpse of Christ to them this year.
Let's not get so wrapped up in the celebration that we forget to remember the Gift!
Romans 12:2 1-2 Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Well now, Ms. Grinch - maybe the pot is calling the kettle black? And I realized how my last 3 blog posts have also been based on the very Christmas story I know sooooo much about! God has been humbling me like this a lot lately. And you know what? It feels GOOD.
I realized that in all my 39 Christmases past, I have learned something new every year. That is the miracle of Christmas! It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Our circumstances change so much from year to year that each season we have a new perspective and a new focus. And we get to add the bonus of new memories to be made. Instead of grumbling about being overwhelmed by it all (the parties, music, decorations and even devotionals that are just IN YOUR FACE) I'm going to embrace the attitude adjustment I've been given and learn to see those as blatant reminders of the wonderful gift we've been given......For God So Loved the World!
I was also a bit grinchy at my son's basketball game last night. Thankfully no one knew about it but me. I saw a few faces that have not been so kind to me over the last few months and had negative thoughts running through my mind. As I sat there grumbling in my head, I had a little divine tap on the shoulder that reminded me..... "Love them." I began a little debate in my head and got a little defensive. It's SO HARD to love them! But ..... it really isn't. It's as simple as a choice. And once I resolved that conflict in my head I began to see the connection. They hurt too, they are not happy, they lash out or ignore my pain because they don't want to acknowledge their own. I get it. I understand. I was that girl once....WAS. But now I AM new or at least in progress - and I get a new lesson every day. This is how God loves me - He corrects me and refreshes my attitude.
This Christmas I may be alone and I may not be involved in all the hustle and bustle. But I love looking at Christmas from the outside in. It is a truly new perspective and I hope to embrace and carry the memory forward. If you find yourself grumbling about the busyness of the season, remember that there is someone who may be feeling left out. Someone who lost a loved one, or who is sick, or who is new in town without family......even someone recently divorced like me. While I am loving Christmas without the activity, others find it hard to take and I hope I can offer a small glimpse of Christ to them this year.
Let's not get so wrapped up in the celebration that we forget to remember the Gift!
Romans 12:2 1-2 Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Journey to Bethlehem
I am determined not to let the oddity of this particular Christmas become a catalyst for Debbie Downerism. Just because this is not a typical holiday season for me, does not mean there are not Christmas miracles lurking around the corner. I have decided that this is just part of the journey.
Can you imagine riding on a donkey for days on end in your 9th month of pregnancy???? If Mary can endure that, then I don't know what I'm griping about. There is something wonderful coming and if I keep grumbling or lamenting over my situation then I could very well miss the full effect of the joy awaiting me! I refuse to do that.
The births of my children were the most precious times I can remember. Today is my youngest child's birthday. My own birthday is this month. This is a month of memories. Memories made and memories to be made. All good memories are prefaced with some type of journey, some type of story to be told - the same is true of miracles. I'm working on my story and in order to capture it accurately, feelings are important but often overlooked or dismissed. Not this year. God has given me the gift of time..... I have not even one Christmas party to attend. I'm beginning to see that as a blessing. He is preparing me for something - shaping me - molding me. I must be ready for Christmas this year - not in the gifting sense, not worrying about company coming or meal prep, not concerned with scheduling my time - but waiting..... riding on a donkey...... ready to see this journey through, until my Christmas miracle begins.
I hope those who are busy, can pause for just a moment and realize just what precious gift we've been given and take time to record memories of their own journey as well. Whether we relate to Mary, Joseph, the shepherds or the wise men - we all have a part in the Christmas story even today. Our personal journey can always be to Bethlehem - if we will just make the trip.
Instructed by the king, they set off. Then the star appeared again, the same star they had seen in the eastern skies. It led them on until it hovered over the place of the child. They could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time!
Matthew 2:8-10
Can you imagine riding on a donkey for days on end in your 9th month of pregnancy???? If Mary can endure that, then I don't know what I'm griping about. There is something wonderful coming and if I keep grumbling or lamenting over my situation then I could very well miss the full effect of the joy awaiting me! I refuse to do that.
The births of my children were the most precious times I can remember. Today is my youngest child's birthday. My own birthday is this month. This is a month of memories. Memories made and memories to be made. All good memories are prefaced with some type of journey, some type of story to be told - the same is true of miracles. I'm working on my story and in order to capture it accurately, feelings are important but often overlooked or dismissed. Not this year. God has given me the gift of time..... I have not even one Christmas party to attend. I'm beginning to see that as a blessing. He is preparing me for something - shaping me - molding me. I must be ready for Christmas this year - not in the gifting sense, not worrying about company coming or meal prep, not concerned with scheduling my time - but waiting..... riding on a donkey...... ready to see this journey through, until my Christmas miracle begins.
I hope those who are busy, can pause for just a moment and realize just what precious gift we've been given and take time to record memories of their own journey as well. Whether we relate to Mary, Joseph, the shepherds or the wise men - we all have a part in the Christmas story even today. Our personal journey can always be to Bethlehem - if we will just make the trip.
Instructed by the king, they set off. Then the star appeared again, the same star they had seen in the eastern skies. It led them on until it hovered over the place of the child. They could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time!
Matthew 2:8-10
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)