Open Heart Surgery.

When God speaks, I listen......   most of the time.  But when God speaks in the middle of the night and won't let me go back to sleep - - I blog.

I often wish that we could see the meaning behind the trials in our lives as we go through them.  I think it would make them easier to bear.  However, I've discovered that it is usually only in hindsight that we see how God was working.  Tonight, it occurred to me that perhaps that is because we could not have the proper appreciation for His handiwork if we knew up front what He was doing.  But I also wonder if it is human free will that prohibits our own understanding of our situation.  I mean, how can God reveal to us what is happening when our lives revolve around someone else's choices.  Yes - He knows what choice will be made but He also has to work around that choice - and perhaps He chooses to bless us more when we've been hurt and dejected because of the poor decisions of others and our own abuse of free will.

I'm going to go all sappy, romantic here so if you don't like that kind of thing, quit reading now.

There is no better feeling on earth to have a heart full of love to give along with a recipient to receive it and reciprocate it.  The excitement of finding "the one" comes with a fullness and joy that's difficult to describe.  Life becomes full of hope and anticipation of a wonderful life ahead.

But is that reality?  or falsehood?  Perhaps a little of both I believe.

You see.... I've been in that state before.  It worked but only for awhile. Life got in the way. Hopes and dreams turned into fear and regret.  It didn't matter how fully I gave my heart away -  that gift became just another item on the shelf.  Dusty and dull....  lifeless..... lonely.... forgotten.  And that's when the lack of care caused the heart to decay and harden.  Perhaps it was the recipient's fault, perhaps it was the heart's own fault or, more likely, it was a combination of the two.

I've been over the reasons why way too many times over the last year and a half.  Tonight I'm laying that to rest.  There is really only one reason and it's important that I see it now.

The reason I failed is because I entrusted my heart to a man FIRST and to God second (or honestly not even second.....  I would imagine God was way down on the list after other humans, things, or activities)  When I was finally able to retrieve my decaying, hardened heart, I had no idea what could be done with it.  I only knew that *I* could not  revive it.  Perhaps another man could?  Perhaps I didn't even need the heart?  Perhaps it was not worth saving.

So my trial and error way of life began to reveal that the answer to all those questions was a very definite NO.  I began to realize that there was only One who was deserving of my heart.  But how could I give such a broken down, dusty, dirty, ugly part of me to the One who made me?  How could I show Him that I had neglected my own heart as much as the man whom I'd entrusted it to?  My maker.... who is the only One who deserved my heart when it was healthy and whom I did not give it to - was actually the only One who wanted it now that it was deformed.  So I trusted.  I returned my heart to Him.  He took it and treasured it and kept it safe.  During that time, it was cleansed and freshened.  It was revitalized to vibrancy and returned to the same softness of its youth.  Total restoration - totally undeserved - out of total grace and mercy.

But then God did the unexpected. He gave me my heart back.  I am incredibly humbled by this gift. Because I trusted Him, He in turn has deemed me worthy of possessing HIS most treasured possession.  When I examine the heart He returned, it clearly has His name on it.  He has engraved His name upon my heart.  With His name also came a promise.  That if I learned how to love Him, MORE than I loved any man - He would bless me beyond what I could ever imagine. 

Why would God give my heart back?  Why wouldn't He keep it?  I believe because He wants me to see His handiwork and open up my heart to be shared again.  This time when I share it - it will not simply be given away.  No, this time my open heart will be merged with another open heart - mended by God - meant to be shared.  This time - two hearts - that have the handiwork of God engraved on them  will then be given back to the only One worthy of such a gift. Because we have free will, He can't impose the joining of two hearts but He can match them up.  It's only when those two hearts trust that this intricate combination can occur.  Only God can make them into one and only God can keep them whole.

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so that we can do the good things He planned long ago.