To Love or Not to Love.....

I am fairly certain that I've not yet chosen to vent about my internet service provider in this blog.  I guess because lately they've been fairly reliable.  However, that is not always the case and it is very very frustrating when their service fails me.  Not only do I lose precious work time but I also spend frustrating moments on the phone with them.  They are not at all helpful when I call.  They are only able to apologize and say they are working on the issue but they never are able to provide a timeline for a fix!  Sometimes they are even down right rude.

 It is a helpless feeling to be so dependent on someone or something else in order to accomplish a day's work.  I guess part of me likes to be in charge although I deny that part of myself on a regular basis.  I just want things to work so that I can do what is expected of me.  I want to be able to control the situation when things do not work and "fix" the problem myself if need be.  It is the attitude:  FINE.  If you can't help me then I will just do it myself !!! HMFFFH!

 But you just gotta love it when God strips you of that capacity.  It is truly humbling.  And so today when control was taken from me yet again, I realized that my love project is actually producing good fruit.  I was able to love the people at the ISP office in spite of the fact that they really couldn't help me,  in spite of the fact that they really didn't care how important their service was to me on a Friday when I so desperately need to get much done AND in spite of the fact that they ignorantly pulled up my previous account and mistakenly told me my service was in fine working order when it actually was not.   And once more as my internet service is failing yet again (I see I was just booted off the server), I remain calm and contained  - not angry.   Although highly frustrated, I am able to understand that its just one of those days where perhaps things don’t go the way I want – but that it doesn’t have to be a bad day.  I don’t have to be a grouch.  I can be sweet and happy with those around me – because I have learned to love like I was made to love – and forgive – and move on to the freedom God has given me.

Is it easy?  NO.  Does it come naturally?  NO.  But because I focus love the verb, not love the emotion or even anger the emotion –  and choose to love instead of give in to the fleshy frustration, it seems to get easier with time.  I know I will never perfect it, but I’m learning that as I go forward with this conscious effort to love – that I am more and more at peace with who I am – flaws and all – and able to look past the flaws of others.

Loving with expectation is not actually love at all.  I have gotten that wrong so many times in the past and I guess that’s why I’m where I am today.  But I’m thankful for the chance to get it right this time.  I’m thankful for Gods loving correction and example.  And I’m looking forward to the joy He’ll provide as I continue to be obedient.  

I’m not where I want to be – but thank God, I’m not where I used to be! 

If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.
I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Luke 6:32-35