So ironic - when a tune pops up in your head and you hum it, not thinking about the lyrics. Then you realize that the lyrics actually fit the mood you're in. Carrie Underwood got in my head today:
I hate to think all you had of me
Is a memory I left you, place between
what was meant to be
And the mess that it turned into
And you should know, please believe me
I've picked up the phone a thousand times
And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long
It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way
What can I say?
I just don't know what to say. I'm filled with so many different emotions that I don't know how to process them all. The main one is that I just feel so broken. I'm trying to see that as a good thing - but broken things tend to hurt. I feel so sorry for my part in the failure even though I know it alone is not responsible. I feel helpess, hopeless, powerless. And again those are probably good things because only then can I really give up and just wait. Wait for God's guiding hand to show us the way and get us out of this very deep, dark valley. Then maybe He'll spin the world the other way. What can I say?
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