Honestly?

I do believe this week has had a recurring theme: honesty.

And I believe I have come to the realization that this word is actually a fictitious lie. Ironic, isn't it? For I believe no man (or woman) is capable of ~real~ truth.

But I also believe that complete honesty is probably not entirely healthy.

We all must lie from time to time. Otherwise we'd get ourselves in some serious conflict. How can you tell Aunt Martha that her new blue hairdo is atrocious when you know she is quite proud of it? How can you tell your coworker that her new baby looks more like a piglet? How do you look your 3 year old who is so proud of dressing himself that his pants are on backwards and his socks don't match?

There are also secrets we keep that we most definitely NEED to keep. It wouldn't be good to go out and admit to the world all of the past mistakes and baggage we carry. It doesn't serve a purpose and often would just hurt others if they knew the details of our innermost thoughts.

HOWEVER, I do feel that we should have a few trusted friends or family members that DO know almost all of our dysfunctional mistakes and baggage and horrible thoughts and desires. Why? Because when you find those that know pretty much everything about you and love you anyway then it's so much easier to forgive yourself and LOVE yourself. And also - by opening yourself up to others in this way, they are able to share with you their horrible thoughts and feelings and when they see that you not only carry no judgement but love them too then you are on your way to finding true intimacy. We are all screwed up in one way or another so it's nice to be able to just be ourselves around those we love. It can also give us some accountability and keep us from bottling things up inside which then leads to negative behavior.

MOST IMPORTANTLY however, it is important that we are honest with ourselves. Too often we are so afraid of the ugly, that we lie to ourselves about our shameful acts. We use semantics to excuse away certain aspects of behavior that we just can't seem to acknowledge (example - calling your addiction a habit - it doesn't quite sound as bad that way) This is perhaps more clearly defined as denial. Denial is dangerous because you refuse to acknowledge and address a problem - and this causes the problem to worsen - until there is no fix. If this is habitual, you lose yourself. And once you're lost, it's very difficult to get back to the authentic you. If you don't find the authentic you, then you're not emotionally able to give to others in love as God would have us do.

I have seen not one, but two counselors this week. Each one seemed to lean in opposite directions of the particular problem at hand but they both had one suggestion in common. BE HONEST. They both encouraged me to be honest about anything and everything I'm feeling. This is definitely an area I've had difficulty with in the past - not because I intend to lie - but because I'm afraid to hurt feelings or create conflict. And by fearing these things, I've lost a bit of myself. I see glimpses of her coming back and I have to give credit to truth for that. It's definitely not always pretty, but it certainly serves a purpose in our lives.

So along with this honesty theme this week, I received an interesting quote from a friend. It just goes to show that we each have our own ideas and opinions as to what this word truly means....

Honesty means that everything you say must be true, but not necessarily that everything true must be said.

I do see the point to that statement. But if the goal is transparency with self and others, it just doesn't fit. I feel it's a little like my glass patio door analogy. Freshly cleaned glass patio doors are so transparent that people often walk right into them and hurt themselves. Sometimes we have to put a little caution tape on them to keep that from happening. In doing that, we keep ourselves and others safe - but we also lose that true clarity that gives us the clearest view outside. We use the tape out of fear that we might hurt ourselves but in doing so we sacrifice some of our view. Do you really want the tape? Or would it be better just to watch out for those you love and warn them if you see them heading to quickly toward the door? My personal opinion - nix the tape so you get the most clarity. If others decide to smudge up your door with fingerprints, so be it. You can always get it clean again. If walking into the door is truly a problem, just open the door and let in the fresh air.

Also - if everything we say must be true, then we're going to hurt alot of people. Because I, for one, tell an awful lot of white lies. True transparency may very well be a farce. And honestly, those clear patio doors are becoming obsolete.