22 years

We had a good run, you and I. Our friendship was not always rosy but it was healthy none the less. Or so I thought. Until recently, when it died. We have literally been through thick and thin together. We've had ups and downs and even battled cancer together. Sort of. Ironically, you survived and even beat it but our friendship did not.

Perhaps that's normal during a traumatic life event. I understand the changes you're making in your life and I even agree with most of them. And honestly, I take most of the responsibility for the cancer that killed our friendship. I am the queen of telling others what they want to hear instead of what they probably need to hear. I've done that with you for 22 years. However, just as cancer changed you, it changed me and I simply can't go on being your feel good friend. You know why. You know that the lies and secrets will eventually kill you. You know they just feed the cancer. You just don't want to hear it. You may now be physically healthy but you are not emotionally healthy. I can't watch you stay in denial when I see what it does to your body and soul.

So I completely understand your decision to cut me off. I apologize that I have not been the kind of friend that could be honest in all things. I always supported you - but maybe I shouldn't have. It may have ended our friendship sooner, but you might be a healthier person today if I had only spoken up years ago. We have always had a tendency to feed off one another - much like cancerous cells. I believe our friendship has been diseased for a long time and we were both to weak to fight it. It has been like a slow growing tumor which has recently been removed - in chunks - over the last few months.

I am not bitter and have no resentment. I will always love you like a sister, but now understand we are much healthier without the tumor even if we must be apart. I hope you feel the same. I doubt you will ever read this, but if you do I must make one last try... The truth really will set you free! Not just emotionally but physically as well. Be strong and healthy! Purge your soul of the lies! Only then will you remember what "normal" feels like. Only then will you live.