On Being Happy....

I woke up happy this morning.  It then dawned on me I have been happy all week.  Then I began to realize that happiness looms in the background pretty much all the time and sometimes all it takes is the ability to recognize it.

But oh no.....  this is no Susie Sunshine blog.  I am certainly not here to remind you to always look at the glass as half full...   Nope.  I just don't believe in that.   That is a falsehood.  And to some degree I feel the effort to put a positive spin on everything in life is a total and complete lie.  We've been fed a line of crap that happiness is all in our attitude.  I just don't buy it.

If you are constantly looking for the half full glass, then you are denying yourself the victory in conquering adversity.  

Let's face it - sometimes life just sucks.  Sometimes it's just too daunting a task to find silver linings in the clouds that come our way.  Sometimes we truly need to wallow in our self pity.  There's a healing aspect to that and tears are so very cleansing.

If we deny ourselves those negative emotions, we glaze over our true selves.  Denying our true emotions does nothing but cause us to lose our identity. 

It's true there is a danger in that type of thinking - it's called depression.  It's real and its a definite battle.  But it does not have to be a defeat.  Even in the midst of that deep hole of depression, there are rays of sunshine.  Getting out of that hole requires seeing those and recognizing them for what they are.  That then produces a chain reaction and those rays become more noticeable.  The more you acknowledge those beautiful glistening rays of sunshine that touch your life, the closer you are to being out of that hole - until one day you look around you and the world is at your fingertips.  You push into that final boost out of the hole and you begin to walk around again......   seeing the light.....  feeling the peace.

There's nothing like the calm after a storm.  Nothing like the victory after a very tense, close ballgame.  Those are things we love to feel.  Sometimes all it takes to get there is recognizing that it is indeed within our grasp.

So yes - choose happiness - but don't forget to acknowledge what's real.  Take time to feel the rainbow of your emotions.  It enhances our good days and provides strength for the bad ones.

The Next Level.

"Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks much about death, while the fool thinks only about having a good time" (Ecclesiastes 7:3-4 NLT).

The Bible says that sorrow is better than laughter. Why would that be true? Because when you are hurting and in distress, you are more apt to examine your heart and your motivations. You know your spirit is grieving, and you have the opportunity to deal with the root cause of the pain. It is far better to grieve and learn, than to be happy but a fool. (from DivorceCare daily email)

Can we not have a happy medium?

I think I'm really tired of examining my heart and motivations.

I'm tired of grieving.

I'm tired of trying to learn from my past.

I'm tired of discouraging Bible verses quite honestly.  

And sometimes, I'm even ready to throw wisdom out the window!

I had a discussion with a friend earlier in the week about people who are, let's say - not as bright as others.  How they tend to be much more caring and have sweeter dispositions than those who are very intelligent.  They also seem to enjoy their lives so much more than those of us who are in constant pursuit of the American dream.  They may not have as much materially - but they are happy with what they have.  They have a contentment that I've not ever known.

I want to be THAT girl.  My past is PAST.  Who cares?

Yet - I want to be respected.  And wise.  And the TOTAL package.

I don't see any reason why I can't have both.   There truly ARE silver linings to every cloud - you just sometimes have to search a bit to find them.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not throwing away my faith at all.  It is a part of me and will always be there.  But maybe I need a break from being SO serious OR maybe God is releasing me to just be me for awhile without trying so hard to be PERFECT.   Or maybe I can finally say - lesson learned, know that I passed the test and move on to the next level.

It's SUMMER.  Time for a break.  Time to freestyle a bit.  Time to really let loose.

And by fall - I'll be looking into some new subjects to study (wink, wink)

 

Making Sense of it All

I began blogging when my life didn't make sense.

Now, it does.

I'm feeling the need to turn inward for awhile so I will be taking a little break from writing.  In the meantime, I will be attempting to live the life I want to live.... without assumption, without expectation and without looking back.

I'll be learning as I go, making sense of it all - because this IS what I wanted and freedom is sweet.

Victory in Loss?

James 1:2-4 - Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. 

So ironically after I post about my faith in the ability of the Thunder and parallel their victories with my own, they happen to lose a game.  Figures.  That also parallels my life right now.  I have days where I win and days where I feel like I've lost it all.  Their loss last night rocked my world almost as much as a personal issue that came to light.  However, true victory is spurned by determination, perseverance and confidence.  These are things only obtained by God and He knows what He is doing!

Patience is not my virtue.  I get a little encouragement in one direction and I think I gotta have it ALL right NOW.  It's kind of like the basketball finals.....   Losses are discouraging but only a true winner can pick themselves up, dust themselves off and go at it full force again!  Losses in our lives are fleeting moments but they can be so extremely important for molding us into what we need to be.  We don't need instant success - otherwise it won't last.

I play for keeps.  I'm not into small victories - I want the whole enchilada.  I wouldn't be going down this road of tests and challenges just to live a life of mediocrity.  I had that before but I know I can do better, have more and be a CHAMP.  I'm not settling this time - even if it takes me a lifetime to get there.

I have faith in the Thunder to be victorious - whether they keep winning in the finals or not.  I respect them that much.  So, in the end, it really doesn't matter if you win or lose - it's how you play the game.  I need to remember this for awhile - and keep my head in the game as well!

Awakened By The Storm.

You just gotta love getting awakened by thunder!  And I honestly am not being sarcastic in saying that.  There is just something wonderful about a good storm.....

I have never been a sports fan.  EVER.  In fact, I've even resented sports in the past because they often take first place in a man's heart.  But for the first time I may be beginning to understand the passion in it.  Maybe I've been a bit jealous in the past because I've never had a passion that strong for anything. (well, except my kiddos)  Don't get me wrong, I'm not becoming die hard here but I am more and more enamored with the OKC Thunder every day.

Part of it is that they are doing SO MUCH for Oklahoma!  They are putting us on the map and that's a very good thing.  I love this state and it's nice to see some positive attention for a change.  I haven't learned a lot about the individual players but what I have learned about some of them just makes me proud.  I've never had a great deal of respect for athletes but I realize more and more how committed they have to be to their profession and that makes me respect them a great deal.  I will always think they are waaaaay overpaid, but I'm beginning to understand a little better why they deserve all the attention and adoration they receive.

I feel like the Thunder has awakened the world to Oklahoma and the timing of this couldn't be better as it has awakened something in me as well!

There is no better feeling than waking up after a storm, hearing the birds sing and seeing the sun shine.  That's beginning to happen in my life.  I've been through the storm and have seen lots of cloudy days but today is clear and the fog is lifting.  As the Thunder rolls forward in the finals - we see victory ahead.  That parallels my life in a way.  They've had struggles too over the last year but it definitely pays to persevere and their success is symbolic of my own.

So Thunder - you make me proud!  Game on!

Coincidence? I think not....

I can't really even begin to describe the sense of well being I felt at church this morning.  It was that happy, all-is-right-with-the-world kind of feeling.  Wonderful things are happening all around me.  I had a great time of worship, good lunch with friends and got all my errands run before I went home.  Then to make the day even better, I got a 2 hour nap!  

But then the tables turned.

I awoke feeling very unsettled and unsure of some things going on in my world lately.  Confusion had set in and I was not feeling confident in the way I had handled some things lately.  The house was quiet so I got out my book I've been reading but before I sat down to read I went to God.  I laid it all out for Him - the feelings, the actions, the confusion.  You see, I've been obedient to what He asked of me over a month ago.  I have loved and studied love and learned so much.  Challenges have come and I've lost focus a time or two but all in all, I've upheld my commitment and I'm almost finished with the book He asked me to finish.  However, I'm coming to a fork in the road.  I can see it ahead and I am not sure which direction to go.  So I pleaded with God for direction.  Here is what He said:

Read your next chapter and trust me.

Trust has been the theme of the day.  It was our sermon at church this morning.  Actually it  has been the theme of the last year for me.  I hate to say that trusting does not come easy for a control freak like me.  I do trust at times, but more often than not, I try to take control and I think that's why I felt helpless this afternoon.  I normally have plans in place for this scenario or another but I found myself at odds knowing that I no longer have plans in place for ANYTHING. 

So I did what I was told and finished the chapter, wrote in my journal and was sitting there thinking of what I need to do next when I got a text message.  I kid you not - I got a TEXT.  What's funny is that the text wasn't even meant for me.  It was a mistake text!  But yet - it was exactly what I had asked God for just half an hour earlier.    It was my direction and my clarity and my reassurance that even though I don't have a plan, God does and that's all I need to know.

The tables turned again and my sense of well being returned.  All IS right with the world

Matthew 6:33-34
 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.    Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

To Love or Not to Love.....

I am fairly certain that I've not yet chosen to vent about my internet service provider in this blog.  I guess because lately they've been fairly reliable.  However, that is not always the case and it is very very frustrating when their service fails me.  Not only do I lose precious work time but I also spend frustrating moments on the phone with them.  They are not at all helpful when I call.  They are only able to apologize and say they are working on the issue but they never are able to provide a timeline for a fix!  Sometimes they are even down right rude.

 It is a helpless feeling to be so dependent on someone or something else in order to accomplish a day's work.  I guess part of me likes to be in charge although I deny that part of myself on a regular basis.  I just want things to work so that I can do what is expected of me.  I want to be able to control the situation when things do not work and "fix" the problem myself if need be.  It is the attitude:  FINE.  If you can't help me then I will just do it myself !!! HMFFFH!

 But you just gotta love it when God strips you of that capacity.  It is truly humbling.  And so today when control was taken from me yet again, I realized that my love project is actually producing good fruit.  I was able to love the people at the ISP office in spite of the fact that they really couldn't help me,  in spite of the fact that they really didn't care how important their service was to me on a Friday when I so desperately need to get much done AND in spite of the fact that they ignorantly pulled up my previous account and mistakenly told me my service was in fine working order when it actually was not.   And once more as my internet service is failing yet again (I see I was just booted off the server), I remain calm and contained  - not angry.   Although highly frustrated, I am able to understand that its just one of those days where perhaps things don’t go the way I want – but that it doesn’t have to be a bad day.  I don’t have to be a grouch.  I can be sweet and happy with those around me – because I have learned to love like I was made to love – and forgive – and move on to the freedom God has given me.

Is it easy?  NO.  Does it come naturally?  NO.  But because I focus love the verb, not love the emotion or even anger the emotion –  and choose to love instead of give in to the fleshy frustration, it seems to get easier with time.  I know I will never perfect it, but I’m learning that as I go forward with this conscious effort to love – that I am more and more at peace with who I am – flaws and all – and able to look past the flaws of others.

Loving with expectation is not actually love at all.  I have gotten that wrong so many times in the past and I guess that’s why I’m where I am today.  But I’m thankful for the chance to get it right this time.  I’m thankful for Gods loving correction and example.  And I’m looking forward to the joy He’ll provide as I continue to be obedient.  

I’m not where I want to be – but thank God, I’m not where I used to be! 

If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.
I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Luke 6:32-35